Sunday, March 05, 2006

Soiled for Life?

Last night we watched Mr and Mrs Smith. It was a great movie. I appreciated it's likeness to every marraige, at least to MY Marriage, very much.... oh except the guns and knife throwing part, but with the sometimes wanting to kill each other part.

When the movie started, the second Angelina and Brad met on screen, I said to Evan "oh you can't even begin to tell me that He hasn't been screwing her all along." and Evan made the comment that she was "Angelina Jolie" and "can you blame him?" and I was like YES I can blame him, he WAS A MARRIED MAN. And Evan started by naming the three most beautiful actresses, starting with Angelina Jolie, Seconded by Jessica Alba (interesting how she popped up here two days ago) and rounded off with one that shocked me coming from his mouth, but I can't even remember who it was. Husband responded by ensuring me that "as a married man" he was not advocating cheating. Nice Save Husband. Almost.

But then when I saw Vince on screen (I hadn't known that he was in the movie) I commented to Evan that Jennifer had to have asked Vince what had been going on with the whole movie set, and whether or not Brad cheated, and he must have known and told her, and therefore became her "go to guy" and then they got together. Isn't that all so bizarre how it played out? I have always hated Brad Pitt. Cocky Son of a Bitch.

So when watching the movie I made another comment "Can you imagine Jennifer Aniston watching this movie?" and Husband got a kick out of that thought and I realized that he had never once thought of that himself and that got him laughing out loud and he said "only a woman would even THINK of that." and I said, well "this movie is basically a very thorough reminder of the end of a chapter in Jennifer Aniston's life. " And it particularly showcases the beginning of an affair that her husband had, which led to their divorce, and the pregnancy of Angelina Jolie with Jennifer's Husband's child. And anyone who can count knows that Angelina was pregnant LONG before Brad and Jen's Divorce was final. LONG before. Oh the irony.

But it was a great movie. And yes husband, we all know how hot Angelina Jolie is. And how good-willish and orphan adopting she is and all that jazz. But as my husband so aptly put it, she did have sex with billy bob thornton, and that makes her soiled. For life. (another nice attempt at a save by my husband) And might I add on my own account, sleeping with another woman's husband (and a co-worker) and getting pregnant.... yeah, umm that makes her soiled for life too. And as long as I am picking on her, I can say that she has one single flaw. That crease/vertical line in the center of her bottom lip that makes me want to hand her some chapstick because I think her lips are chapped. Or is that the seam from her collagen implants? (ohhh.... catty!)

Wish I could remember that third hot actress. It always makes me unnerved that every person my husband is attracted to is the exact opposite of me. Striking cheekbones, dark eyes, dark hair, tanned skin.... and then there is me. Blonde/red hair with freckles and green eyes and a round face. Ahh.... that makes me feel like the epitome of sexy, eh? And it narrows my green eyes suspiciously with every dark haired dark eyed woman that we know. Husband is very good at covering up who he is attracted to (except when I see his google search history.)

Ohhh NOW I remember number three. I must have tried to strategically block it out of my mind. Brittany Murphy. And when he said that I responded with "um, okay, she's cute in a "puppy dog eyes, my head is three times larger than my body" kind of way. It made me think of the Olsen Twins (circa 2005) and Christina Ricci (the "I look like an anime drawing" my head is huge syndrome.) Britney Murphy? As in Skanky chick in 8 mile? As in Ashton Kutcher's Wife in "Just Married?" Luanne's annoying voice in King of the Hill? SHE is number THREE? Although I did manage to find some pics online where they had airbrushed and "push-upped (read: squished and flattened-see left)" her into the top 100.... but the top THREE? Oh Husband, I have lost so much faith in you! Oh well, at least he didn't mention Mena Suvari anymore (since his American Beauty Fascination) and at LEAST she is (occasionally) FAKE blonde with fair skin. Blondes=1, Exotic Chicks with dark hair, skin, and eyes.... ZERO! Take THAT!

5 comments:

Suebob said...

Your husband at least sounds normal. My BF always amazes me with the women he lusts after: Fran Drescher?!? I mean, the body yes, but wouldn't her looks be marred a bit by the duct tape you would have to slap over her mouth?

IzzyMom said...

Brittney Murphy? She was the loser "project girl" in Clueless. Need I say more? Yick. Don't like her. Especially when she tried, badly, to be a blonde.

Sue: My friend's hub likes Fran Drescher a lot, too. LOL @ duct tape.

Christie said...

time to go vote!

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