Resolutions?

Oh the difference a year can make. Do ya'll seriously have an idea of how fast this past year has gone? For me I mean. I don't care about you. (I do, I do, I am sorry. Harsh. Kidding.)

Something really interesting happens to you when you have your kids close together. I think that it leaves you a bit touched. Knowing a mom who had 5 kids under the age of 5 at one time, sealed the deal for me. I knew that I wanted my kids to be close together. Maybe not THAT many kids THAT close, but I wanted that bond that her kids had. They looked out for each other, they entertained each other, and they were very self sufficient and kind children. But what I never realized was that they were the reason that, even in complete silence, she had a difficult time finishing a sentence. Because her brain was scattered, and her mind was elsewhere, and her duties were many. Sometimes, blogging becomes difficult to me. Because I like to go On and On and the kids like to suck out of me that life and energy that allows my brain to put those thoughts down. SO sometimes (okay, I lie. ALL times) my brain is blogging.... but my fingers don't have time to get it all out.

I have to say that I have never classified myself as a "writer" but perhaps it's time that I did? I love to write. Things that I see and things that I hear and do go through my mind and come out as a blog. I don't just mean sometimes. I mean ALL the times. My mind is constantly commentating. A blog is the outlet that I have for that commentating. And although it is rewarding and connecting to have people who enjoy reading it... contrary to popular belief, I do not blog because I want to have people following me. Nope. Because een way back when I thought no one was listening... I blogged my little heart out. Because it's a release. Because I was somehow, born to blog. I see similar behavior in the way that Ardyn commentates and narrates her own "adventures" and I realize that there is something about a writer that aches to put their commentary down on paper. Whether it be commentary about their own lives, or the lives (fact or fiction) of others... it's about having that mental state where you are constantly blogging in your head. Might as well put all that down, right?

Now. Let's be honest. (By this I mean I am being honest. But ironically, I am pretty much always honest... so don't be all amazed) This past year was by far the most difficult year of my 30 year life. It was joy and stress and millions of minutes of my brain spitting out sentences that, despite my best efforts, were constantly interrupted. I feel like my life is in a constant state of interruption. My responsibilities are absolutely overwhelming. Two demanding children under 2 was about more than I could take. My brain and my body were in a constant exhausted state of overload. I was in high demand. On Call. CEO. My husband became that shadowy figure on the edges, that sometimes came into focus and just about when I was ready to reach out and touch him... I was interrupted again. Naptime became a mission. If I took a nap I felt guilty. If I didn't, then I was exhausted and although I had done a TON of things, it didn't even make a dent. Laundry piled up as far as the eye could see. Dirty piles. Clean piles. Unmatched sock piles. The hardest thing was that no one in this house but me even seemed to notice... at least that's how it seemed. Because certainly if they noticed, they would HELP me, right? RIGHT? (no. for your own future reference.)

What I most look forward to in the new year.... is change. I don't even care if I meet HALF of my goals. If it gets easier, I will be happier. I am already seeing hints of the changes. Everyone sleeps through the night (unless they are sick.) Everyone can eat the same meals (unless there is honey, yogurt, or nuts involved.) No One has an extreme food allergy (yet.) Only one person is in diapers (two if you count Ardyn still overnight.) The house is now fluctuating between a state of absolute disaster and a state of potential. I occasionally see light at the end of the tunnel (or literally speaking, I see at least one, if not two or three, horizontal surfaces!) I find that I am able to pass by a mirror and notice how bad my hair is sticking up, at least ONCE before the kids go to bed. I notice that I am able to laugh about some things that previously would have brought me to tears. I have found many new mom friends in REAL life in addition to my large network of online mom friends. I thank MOPS and Facebook for the connections that I so desperately needed. I thank MOPS for playdates and activities with women and their families, especially women whose situations are practically mirror images of mine. I see their imperfections and love them all the more because they are like me.

I see Ardyn learning to recognize more letters of the alphabet, and trying to dress and undress herself, and be independent in things like potty breaks and sharing. I see her learning how to turn lights on and off, how to open doors, how to navigate stairs and slides and climb up into her own carseat. I see Marek standing and waving, clapping and signing for Milk. I hear him laughing at things he sees, at the dog, at his sister... and I hear him trying to imitate words and sounds. We hear the occasional "mamma" or "daddy" and see him rocking to music. Every single day is new and wonderful. It always has been, but I feel like some of the fog of "2 under two" has past. (of course, she's not under two any more, so that DOES make sense.)

I wouldn't do it over any other way. I see them playing together and loving on each other. When I hear Ardyn call Marek her "Bub Little Lovey" it just about bursts my heart wide open... When I see him bite her and let out a high pitched shriek of anger when she won't give his toy back... I have to shake my head and smile.

I know that having kids close like this isn't for everyone. I know that it leaves some of us a bit scarred... but it brings such immense joy when you see two people so close together, so identical in so many ways... be so amazingly DIFFERENT from each other. Wow. It still stuns me.

For the new year, I see lots of positive change. I hope to start remembering what my husband looks like. The one that I had BEFORE these two kids came along, and the even better one that two kids have made... (a daddy!)

I hope to get a handle on my house. Maybe I won't need that new sign out front after all? (Who am I kidding. It will say "My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it!" because that is the ABSOLUTE truth.) I hope that I can get more support and assistance from others. I don't do well with asking for help. I guess I always figured that if you are drowning, someone will surely see, right? But there are no lifeguards on this coastline folks. These are turbulent waters. I hope that in the new year, I don't feel that when asking a grandparent to keep a grandchild overnight (is ONCE a month too much to ask?!) they respond like I have asked for their severed dominant arm. (seriously, are my kids THAT bad?!) I hope that I can make it through the long Illinois winter months without going stir crazy, and that I can find that delicate balance between raising hermits and exposing my kids to every playdate and doctor's office germ that will infect our entire household like a wave of plague.

I hope to be more organized, but in a BETTER way. I know that most of you might be laughing hysterically at ME being more ORGANIZED? You mean there is something in my house that is NOT labeled?! Yep. Purging. Things need to go. We are so overwhelmed with posessions, and crammed into this house, it's stifling. It's hard to keep your cool when you trip every 5 minutes. It's hard to be romantic when you can barely wade to your bed each night and you sleep next to a pile of unfolded laundry instead of your husband. I hope that to be BETTER organized, we will have LESS to organize, and that EVERYONE in this household will participate in keeping and maintaining a sense of organization, without having to be nagged and pestered, or without having to see me in nervous breakdown mode in order to help out around the house.

I hope that we can get into a better routine that will allow each child more one-on-one time with mom and/or dad, so that I can do things like read to Marek and do Hooked on Phonics and crafts with Ardyn. I hope that we can get more sleep (by we I mean ME) and remember that tomorrow is another day and it's OKAY if not everything gets accomplished before I sleep. When we get more sleep I hope that we are more comfortable with those morning playdates that everyone seems to DEMAND we have (why oh why must we be somewhere before 10am? It's against every fiber of my being.) I hope that the new friends we have made can result in more playdates PERIOD and I hope to see Ardyn form some real friendships with friends whose names she can actually remember, and that she will WANT to remember (and who will want to remember hers!) I hope we can work on her SHARING and her LISTENING. I hope I can work on my PATIENCE and my newfound talent of reasonsing without a toddler without screaming.

Most of all, I hope that I can work on my relationship with my husband. And I am thankful that despite the shell-shocked state we have been in this past year (two years?) we are still married at all :)

My goal in 2010 is to be the best mom, wife, and friend that I can be. It's to enjoy every moment, because I have already seen that they go by so quickly.

Happy New Year!

Just say NO to antibacterial soaps!

In the spirit of yet another headcold, I'd like to discuss my upcoming April "Going Green" resolutions. I have two of them. The first one is to avoid Tricolsan. Anitbacterial Soaps are causing a huge problem.... mainly the advancement of these super-germs that are resistant to antibiotics, and may one day be the death of all of us. From the over-prescribing of antibiotics by physicians to anti-bacterial hand and dish soaps.... it's a scary thing. Here is a bit of info:

The Bite (taken from the Bite daily newsletter.)
Take away the fiction part. While it seems like antibacterial cleansers would be more effective than plain, ol' soap, not-so-mad scientists have proven they aren't, and germs are getting stronger because we use so many antibiotics. Natural alts do the job minus the concerns.

The Benefits

• Getting just as clean. Germophobes rejoice: U of MI researchers reviewed 27 studies conducted between 1980 and 2006, and found that plain soaps are just as effective as those containing the antibacterial triclosan.
• Not encouraging the monsters. Antibacterial soaps with triclosan can reduce the effectiveness of antibiotics; our picks are naturally antibacterial.

Wanna Try?

• EO Products Hand Sanitizer - lavender, lemon, and jojoba oil help disinfect on the go ($4/2 oz).
• Naturally First Foaming Hand Soap - foaming, naturally antibacterial option with coconut and olive oils to keep your hands soft ($10/8.5 oz).
• CleanWell Foaming Hand Soap - uses naturally antibacterial essential oils (such as thyme oil) to kill germs; in three scents, including a spicy Lavender Absolute version ($14/28.5 oz).

Triclosan's in a lot of products, but you can avoid it by quickly glancing at the ingredients list - and yeah, your hands'll still get clean.

C'mon, people: A study by the American Society for Microbiology found 25% of men and 10% of women don't wash their hands after using public bathrooms.

So that's resolution numero uno. I have thus far eliminated all antibacterial soaps in our home, from handwashing to dishwashing. And my hands are still clean!

Resolution number two.... recycle newspapers and magazines. Although I haven't figured out the details, I have started a box. And there are newspapers inside it. Namely the Sunday paper and the Wednesday Focus. I am TRYING to get my husband on board with recycling cardboard, but he is resisting. When will he learn that resistance is futile? In the meantime, I am tentatively naming that my MAY resolution.... with the intention to do it entirely myself if need be. We have enough cardboard in our garage right now to build a city for the homeless. Seriously.

Plastic Bags Blow. BYOB (Bring Your Own Bags)

Christmas was good. We did a bit of running. We did a lot of packing and unpacking. The house is a disaster. But it was fun. Ardyn got one outfit, one new pair of pajamas, three new books, three stuffed bears, a stuffed dog, a September Snowman Ornament, a new Graco Comfort Sport Convertible Car Seat (nice one with cup holders) for when she hits 1 year, and a dog rattle... and a few other things.

I got some good stuff, About $200 in cash (gone) and the Jessica Seinfeld Cookbook, a book called "Play Unplugged", some kitchen towels, some other small stuff... a Targus Chill Pad for my laptop (mine quit working and needed to be replaced) and Evan and I together received a Shiatsu Heated Chair Massager which is completely awesome and I may be addicted to.

I also got a $30 gift certificate to Austin Parker Naturals and a Cookie Lee Butterfly Pin. Ardyn got a $20 Gift Card to Wal-Mart which I will probably use for diapers and wipes, and she got a $20 Gift Cart to Target from Josh and Lisa, which I used to buy 4 new pair of cotton pants and 6 pair of socks for her. Good daycare essentials. And Lisa also finished a crocheted blanket for Ardyn, which I am totally in love with, because back with I was pregnant, Lisa asked if I would like one and what colors, and I told her if it was a girl I wanted pink but not baby pink- hot pink and orange. And she SERIOUSLY did is justice. Ardyn used it Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I love love love it. Anya and Brad and Ava got Ardyn a Gund Boo-Boo Bear that has a little ice cube in his belly for boo-boo treatment. It's so cute!

I plan on using my Christmas Money to buy a shelf for Ardyn's room, that we can store toys on. I saw some modular stackable units at the Company Kids Store... I want them in white. A set of open dual bins for the bottom, and two stackable units with adjustable shelves above that. Which will run me about $300 and all of my Christmas money. But having her toys stacked on the floor is already driving me nuts and she is not even 4 months old yet! Plus with all my research, I decided these would be the best buy because they are modular and versatile and would grow with her. She could either take them to a big girl room or they could stay in the nursery for our next child. I like that the shelves adjust either vertically or horizontally. I expect that the quality must be pretty good for the price. Anyone ever order from Company Kids before?

I am pretty sure we are "officially" teething, based on the low grade fever and the rosy cheeks that she has had two nights this week, and the constant gnawing of hands and toys, and the out of control drooling and nighttime fussiness. AND the congestion that only seems to be there overnight.

I have been thinking about New Year's Resolutions. I have never been a big fan. I get so sick of the "lose weight, quit smoking, etc." Bullshit resolutions that everyone makes and never follows (although I lost 25 pounds in 2006, gained 12 while pregnant in 2007, and lost 40 after having the baby... so weight loss CAN work)

This year, my resolution is a real one. I am determined to make one positive lifestyle change that will affect the environment. Not one for the entire year. Oh no. One for every month of 2008. Yep. Lofty goal? Nope. Perfectly do-able. My first resolution? January= reusable grocery bags. As a matter of fact, I am ordering them today. And not just reusable bags. Reusable PRODUCE Bags too. Yeah. We don't mess around. I bought two of "these kits" from reusablebags.com A totally cool website with a ticker across the top to determine how many plastic bags are being wasted. It freaks me out to just LOOK at the ticker.

Of course while I am there I start to want a Kleen Kanteen bottle with Insulator Sleeve but honestly one person can only own so many cups, mugs, and water bottles before it gets obsessive. Of course the reusable water bottle that I have is plastic, doesn't have a cool insulator sleeve, and doesn't fit in any cup holder, so in general it pisses me off royally. It's an eddie bauer with the ice cores but I almost never use it now because it doesn't really stay cold. Ice core or not. Doesn't work. The Kleen Kanteen would totally hang on the stroller or diaper bag handles and I could totally drink out of it. It would hold hot or cold liquid. It would be greatness. But It would be obsessive. It's not like I am going mountain climbing and would need a carabiner or anything.

Top Facts - Consumption

Each year, an estimated 500 billion to 1 trillion plastic bags are consumed worldwide. That comes out to over one million per minute. Billions end up as litter each year. According to the EPA, over 380 billion plastic bags, sacks and wraps are consumed in the U.S. each year. According to The Wall Street Journal, the U.S. goes through 100 billion plastic shopping bags annually. (Estimated cost to retailers is $4 billion) According to the industry publication Modern Plastics, Taiwan consumes 20 billion bags a year—900 per person. According to Australia’s Department of Environment, Australians consume 6.9 billion plastic bags each year—326 per person. An estimated .7% or 49,600,000 end up as litter each year. Top Facts - Environmental Impact Hundreds of thousands of sea turtles, whales and other marine mammals die every year from eating discarded plastic bags mistaken for food. Plastic bags don’t biodegrade, they photodegrade—breaking down into smaller and smaller toxic bits contaminating soil and waterways and entering the food web when animals accidentally ingest. As part of Clean Up Australia Day, in one day nearly 500,000 plastic bags were collected. Windblown plastic bags are so prevalent in Africa that a cottage industry has sprung up harvesting bags and using them to weave hats, and even bags. According to the BBC, one group harvests 30,000 per month. According to David Barnes, a marine scientist with the British Antarctic Survey, plastic bags have gone "from being rare in the late 80s and early 90s to being almost everywhere from Spitsbergen 78° North [latitude] to Falklands 51° South [latitude]. Plastic bags are among the 12 items of debris most often found in coastal cleanups, according to the nonprofit Center for Marine Conservation. Top Facts - Solutions In 2001, Ireland consumed 1.2 billion plastic bags, or 316 per person. An extremely successful plastic bag consumption tax, or PlasTax, introduced in 2002 reduced consumption by 90%. Approximately 18,000,000 liters of oil have been saved due to this reduced production. Governments around the world are considering implementing similar measures. July 2003, ReusableBags.com goes live, advancing the mainstream adoption of reusable shopping bags. Each high quality reusable shopping bag you use has the potential to eliminate hundreds, if not thousands, of plastic bags over its lifetime.