Decisions Decisions

Do you know how hard it is to drag your ass out of bed and be motivated when you know you will go to work and bring home the equivalent of $1.25 and hour? And this is in the good Ol USA, not Mexico. No Third World Country. Ugh. Dramatic. I know. But man is it hard to feel motivated to give 100% of yourself when you could be home in your stretchy pants eating cereal and playing with your kid all day.

My mind has been ROLLING with what I will do. ROLLING with ideas. Dollar signs. Business Opportunities. SAHM and WAHM thoughts. It's so hard for me to get to sleep at night. Ever since feeling the pain of a postpartum paycheck, I have gone to bed at 12am or 1am instead of my usual 10 or 10:30. Even when I lay down, my mind swims for another hour at least. Frustrating. My husband just says "Don't worry. Don't stress" and while I appreciate his comforting comments, if it were that easy to turn MY brain off, I would have done it by now. In talking with CB I got to the bottom today, determining that you can't really make the "right" decision in this situation because you can't know the outcome. You just can't know what will happen 20 years from now, and whether or not either decision is the "right" one. So I am going to try to not let this eat me alive for a while. Speaking of eaten alive.... I swear something is biting my back.

I have been investigating Sergers. The Husqvarna has the best reviews, even over most singer models I have read about. Although Brother gets fairly good reviews. I think I need to go to a sewing store and see them demonstrated. But those are few and far between these days. The closest one is like 45 minutes away. Trying to figure out if I should have Evan take me, go by myself, or what.

Ahhh.... Decisions. Life is full of them.

The Sun'll come out.... tomorrow....

Tuesday. It's kinda been an icky day. Not completely icky, but just pieces of icky. I woke up snappy because a) I didn't want to get up b) I had to let the dogs out c)I found an entire load of good clothes that had been taken out of the dryer and instead of hung up, wadded into a giant ball in the hamper again d) I didn't want to work anyway.

I got ready for work. I was shaving *somewhere* that I can't see anymore because I had a OB appointment today, and I caught my FINGERNAIL with my razor and almost had a fucking heart attack from the pain and the freak out factor of the whole incident. I immediately put the razor away and tried not to even look at it for the remainder of my short shower, because it made me want to gag.

I received a call on my cell phone from a lawyer claiming that I had a returned check from my personal account in December of 2006 for $65.12 and since I "haven't taken care of it" they are planning on taking legal action and at this point in time I owe them $215.12 (yeah!) And so I start to investigate because I thought the check had cleared and all was taken care of, and it freaks me out that 6 months later someone who I have never heard of calls me and says that I owe them $215 for a $65 check that I thought was cleared and fine. So I spent some time on the phone with my bank, this new "law firm" and eventually my lawyer, making an appointment next week to determine what's wrong here. Ugh. What a mess!

THEN I have an OB appointment, and I don't get to see my regular midwife, but her OB, who is small and tiny and very weight conscious, and makes me feel bad about how I am not skinny enough and how I have gained 4 pounds in the last two weeks.... even though that's a total of 10 pounds gained in the first 28 weeks of pregnancy... which is EXCELLENT. And of course on top of that, Evan and I cross paths and he is sitting in the waiting room waiting for me and when I get there 5 minutes before my appointment, he was already worried and left to look for me (without telling anyone!), and so we miss each other and I get through my entire appointment and leave the office and then run into him and when he discovers that he missed the appointment he is all upset and pissed and then gets me all upset like it's my fault until I just want to CRY.

So, yeah. Interesting day.

Ta-Da!

To ponder: Why did the town of Princeton smell like Onions this morning?

So. It's Tuesday. It was an okay day. Yesterday was very busy, like last week. My feet hurt so bad when I got home. Ugh. I need to get new dress shoes for work because all of mine are busted ass. The soles are wearing off and the insides are peeling apart. I also need to order some more shirts, since it's getting warmer and my belly is getting bigger and apparently all my shirts are shrinking (I mean that literally, cotton t-shirts that fit me last month just aren't coverin' the belly anymore... and because I am tall, this really bugs me. So I heard of some promotion codes through Penney's and ordered a few (8!) new shirts, some basic colored t-shirts and a couple of tank tops and a couple of prettier tops. That will be good.

Also on the good side, I paid off our wedding loan! Yea! Yesterday. Thank God. Only 1.5 years after we got married, and also after we put every single dime of our wedding gift money on it after the reception. It's very ironic that all of the people who gave us money as a gift were really paying me to pay for them to eat, drink, and be merry. (which I really enjoyed and would never take back) It really sucks that without even having a "wedding" complete with dress, flowers, bridesmaids, church, etc., we STILL had to take out a loan, AND use all of our wedding gift money towards it (which only cut the loan in half) AND then had to make payments for 1.5 years until we could put the wedding part behind us. Just in time to try to buy a crib and armoire for the baby room. I am really working hard to pay off all credit cards, medical bills, and loans (including my car) BEFORE the baby comes. Whew.

On the side of progress, we have *fingers*crossed* found a registered daycare provider (in-home) that we are excited to meet and hope will be the place for our baby to go when I do return to work. This is especially important because around here, the waiting lists are over a year long for infants. Yeah. No daycare has any openings. Most in home daycares have no openings. So that is good. I need to call and setup a time for Evan and I to meet her.

This weekend I became the cleaning organizing whirlwind. Late Sunday I decided that I needed to ORGANIZE the back porch and went to the mart and got a few little clear totes (I even took my tape measure) and then went home and organized. Must be nesting! And My brain has a clear path of things that I need to attack next.

I also found the COOLEST website. First, it's free. Yep. Free. No catch. Ta-Da. That's the name. tadalists.com allows you to make lists. LOTS of lists. Like my lists right now "To Do this week" and "Before the Baby Comes" and "This Spring/Summer" - and what's super cool you can share them with someone(s) and allow someone(s) to edit them (add and remove items, check items off.) It's like a virtual checklist of everything in your brain. You can keep the lists private or public, and can email yourself updates of the lists, or subscribe via RSS Feed to your lists.

This weekend should be eventful. Ava's First Birthday party... So I am making Cheesy Hashbrown Casserole (yum comfort food) for the occasion since we are potlucking/cooking out. I am planning a Bead Retreat party in April, and I am not worried about sales... I just want people to come and all of us to hang out and make bracelets and have a good time. Seems like there is lots of interest. I love the soothing feeling that I get when doing things like beading or basketweaving. I have to be in the right frame of mind to do those things though. It's strange. I love to craft.

But there is this state of mind that I get into now and again, where I am restless and cranky and nothing makes me happy and I just want to be left alone and I get so agitated that I can't be relaxed and I can't be productive. Recently I get this way in the middle of the night. If I get woken up any time after like 2:30 or 3am, I seem to have a hard time getting back to sleep. My mind starts going and I get cranky and the more I try to relax the worse it gets. I am trying relaxation music and instructional relaxation.... nothing. I get so agitated that I can't sleep... until about 1.5 to 2 hours later when I wear myself out from the frustration. So on most recent nights, right in the middle of my sleep, I am awake for about 1.5 to 2 hours straight. Once I ate my cereal at 3am and I went back to sleep fairly soon. I don't know what the deal is.

Hmmm... what else is new? I dunno. I just keep thinking if I can just get through this STUPID week things will be better. I am just not satisfied this week. It's kinda like spring fever. Who wants to be inside a stupid office wearing stupid pantyhose and looking at a stupid computer when you could be outside enjoying the sunshine and fresh air and walking your dogs and stretching your tired pregnant body and growing a baby which is SO much more important than anything everyone else is making me do.

And we need a little Christmas, Right this very Minute......

What is it about December that totally sucks? Ah yes, MONEY! We have two license plate renewals due (overdue) that total $170. The power bill is higher because it is now ZERO degrees outside. Tonight I discovered that I have a FLAT tire (CaChing$$ another $90) and we are supposed to be buying Christmas Presents AND making and mailing (ca-ChINg!) Christmas Cards.
Then my co-workers decide that our departmental Christmas Party will be at a neat little location, which I do so adore, that just happens to cost $50 per couple to eat. So not only do I have to take $30 in gifts, but we have to take $50 to eat. That's an $80 occasion, occuring 6 days before Christmas. So that has me all worked up. Then I am supposed to be participating in THREE gift exchanges with a $15-25 gift, on top of my usual gifts for Family, Husband, and my two bestest friends. If it were up to me? Prioritize. Purchase gifts for my family, my husbands, and my two bestest friends. Don't purchase gifts for co-workers. Don't get in on the three gift exchanges. Don't spend $50 to eat at a restraunt 6 days before Christmas when we could all bring something and have snacks at someone's home (I would even offer mine!) And pay my bills and get a new tire instead of frantically freaking out about how in the FUCK I will pay for everything. I did do some Christmas Shopping Online today, which was great, and it made me feel good, like I was actually ACCOMPLISHING something, until I ran to Wal-Mart for necessities.... and when I left my tire was flat AGAIN and then I realized that I would have to buy a new one. AGAIN. Well, at least I will officially have 4 new tires.

And then tonight we got a bill for CAR INSURANCE due December 27th. Ahhh.

Ho Ho Ho!

Im all right jack keep your hands off of my stack.

Are Ya'll dead out there? I am picturing a bunch of zombies sitting at computers, their skin all rotting and hanging off, their fingers positioned on the mouse. And of course in the background, Thriller by Michael Jackson is playing, and the zombies are kinda jammin out while they read the blog.

Are you all Zombies? Am I that Boring?

Last night I went to a surprise Mary Kay Party. Why was it a surprise, you ask? Because while I was at work, my cell phone rang at 7:30 and it was my friends Anya and Jamie and it looks like everyone forgot about Jamie's Mary Kay party. So I left work, called husband from the parking lot, and said "put a piece of spaghetti pizza in the microwave for me" and then flew home. When I walked in the door he was standing there with the pizza and I was like "I have to pee" and flew to the bathroom, threw on jeans instead of my skirt, different shoes, and then brushed my teeth, and went to the living room where husband was sitting with remote in one hand and pizza in the other. Gave him a kiss and went up the street to Jamie's with pizza in hand.

I am allergic to Mary Kay foundation. I never used to be, about 12 years ago I had no issues with it, but about 3 years ago I bought some (kinda out of obligation to the consultant as she bought Pampered Chef from me) and I broke out so so so badly for an entire week I about died. As soon as I stopped wearing it, my face cleared up and healed. So I didn't put anything on my face last night. But I did buy their makeup brush set and the Satin Lips Mask and Balm Set. I already have the original (not the peach) Satin Hands set, someone bought it for me as a gift, although I can't remember who or when (bad bad Meagan!)

I want to try the timewise moisturizers. I currently use aveeno or almay, because they are all natural and don't make me break out. I have a dermatologist appointment on Friday (tomorrow) for my messed up skin (hormones!) and I will ask her there what she thinks of their products. I am afraid that there will be something similar in their formula as to what is in their foundation. I don't want to break out worse. But I did try some timewise on my arm and I was pleased. I don't like the daytime moisture because it smells bad (it's the sunscreen they tell me) but I wear moisturizer with sunscreen right now and it smells fine, very clean and natural. I hate moisturizers that have a smell, especially something floral, because they make me break out. So depending on what the dermatologist says, I am considering Getting the Timewise Moisturizer and the Timewise Night Solution to try.

I was a little upset at the party because I really just wanted blush. That was my goal. But when you buy the blush ($10!) you have to buy the compact to put it in, or you just have this loose little thing of blush with no lid. They were trying to promote their big compact to me, but it was like $62.50 and I am like "how am I gonna spend $62.50 on a compact just because I want blush?" and then after I had placed my order I saw in her basket of goodies that there was a SMALL COMPACT that costs $8 that you can put blush or eyeshadow in. And I was likewhy would they not tell me that? What the hell? So anyway, no blush for me. They could have totally made a sale but they screwed it up. And instead of giving me the prices of just the compact, they would give me the prices of the compact completely filled. And I was like ALL I WANT IS BLUSH! Well then they had this cool pink and black travel rollup bag, that EVERYONE coveted, and of course you can't GET it unless you spend like $200 in a special set of makeup or skin care, OR If you have a $200 party with 1 booking. Fuck that, right? So I get on eBay today, There's like 8 of them, all at $12-20. Yeah. So that's how I will be getting my travel rollup bag. Resourceful.

It's party fever up in here. Last month I got invited to a Tupperware Party and TWO Longaberger Parties. This month I got invited to a Tupperware Party, a Mary Kay Party, a Home and Garden Party, a Lingerie Party, AND I am hosting a Girls' Night Out Party that I have had planned for like 6 months. AND all of those parties occur between November 1st and November 16th. Now tell me, how does one purchase from all of those parties and still have money for Christmas presents.... and Husband and I each have birthdays in November, and are hosting Thanksgiving, so that's an expense also. Whew! It's just not right! I think I am going to have to decline the Home and Garden Party, and the Lingerie Party. I will attend Anya's Tupperware (I know what I want) and I already attended the Mary Kay.... so that will make things bearable. And my party should deliver free goodies to me... but what I have to worry about is buying food and drinks, plus it is Technology in Healthcare week next week so I have to make 3 dozen cookies.... PLUS I have bills to pay. Jeez! Luckily I bought all of husband's birthday presents early this year.... that should help since I have that out of the way. But I am feeling like my head is in a vice to try to stretch all the cash out to cover bills.... especially when we have TWO $85 license plate renewals due the end of November. Plus out house insurance policy just got renewed, PLUS I just mailed a check for car insurance. Does it EVER End? Good LORD that's alot of money!

So I can't wait for the weekend. First of all, I have to balance checkbooks again. And I have swaps to work on AND I have lots of picking up to do around home and lots of laundry. We think Boyd's Colon Polyp is back, and both dogs need their nails trimmed (we can't do Hadley's, it takes three people to hold him down.) So I need to see when amongst all these expenses we can schedule a vet appointment that we can actually PAY for. Someone needs to take down the halloween decorations. Someone needs to move the treadmill. Someone needs to get that damn table our of my kitchen. Someone needs to carry totes of decorations back to the attic. Someone needs to clean my closet and husband's too. Luckily someone has tomorrow off, but unfortunately someone also has a dermatologist appointment AND a dentist appointment to get a cleaning and xrays of the potentially impacted wisdom tooth. It's like I have "no plans" for the weekend, but I couldn't BE any more busier!

You might not hear much from me. So go visit my renter the Rock Bitch over at Clusterfook. She's worth a few looks!