Tired.

What's new with you folks? I really meant to blog over the weekend, but Evan has been sick since last Friday, and pretty out of it. He has had a sinus infection and horrible headaches and dizziness. So It's been a little bit crazy at home. Sunday and today were the worst for me. We really needed groceries about a month ago, but this weekend we were FINALLY all going to go together and get some. Then Evan got sick, and we put it off all weekend until on Sunday I just decided that I was going to take Ardyn and do it by myself. Of course she was also teething and when I left home it was her nap time. She slept a bit in the car on the way there but wasn't really thrilled with waking up when we got to Target. She seemed fine through about 50% of the store, but then started to get very vocal and fussy. So I ended up carrying her for a while and then we hightailed it out of there. I wanted to go to Aldi's right away but Ardyn screamed in the car and I planned on just forgetting the whole thing and just going home. But she was screaming so loud that I just parked in the Aldi's parking lot and got her out of her seat and fed her in the front seat of the SUV. Of course I had to move my seat all the way back to make room for her in between me and the steering wheel. Then I wanted to change her, but grocery stores don't have changing tables... and it was too cold to change her with a door open to the vehicle, so I changed her on the front seat which was NOT easy with the console in between.

Finally she calmed down and was okay, so we went into Aldi's. Of course we got through 1.5 aisles before she started squealing in protest again, and I ended up alternately carrying her and then once she was happier, putting her down again. She was fine in the checkout line but once I got to the part where I bagged my own groceries, she was frustrated because the groceries (and therefore me) were behind her back and she couldn't see me. I was talking to her but she was instantly bored, and then fussy again. Of course then I was holding her AND bagging groceries one handed when the cashier came over and offered to help and to her surprise I just begged her to hold the baby so I could get stuff in the bags the way I wanted it. Whew! Then in the car she started her screaming again (when teething she doesn't want to be put down. She becomes a real cuddle bug) and then finally fell asleep. She was so exhausted but wouldn't nap. It was almost 1:30 and she usually naps around 10 or 10:30 and she hadn't yet. She was SOOO Overtired. Then I realized that in my hurry to get her out of Target, I hadn't bought Evan's cold medicine, so I had to go to Wal-Mart on the way home and grab some. The very second we got into the store she started screaming again. It was horrible. I just grabbed his cold medicine and got the hell out of there.

By the time we got home she was screaming non-stop so I had to make Evan get out of bed and unload groceries for me while I fed her, changed her, and put her pajamas on. All of which she screamed through as if she had a broken bone or something. Man it was a bad bad scream. Once she was fed, changed, and had her pajamas on, she kinda let out a big sigh and looked at me like "So we are home now?" and then SMILED and was happy. An hour later she was eating again and I was lying down nursing her and I was SO exhausted. She had been up for a whole two hours during the night and I was exhausted because I had been up since 7am, drug her and myself all over, got groceries, and had a headache. Evan and I both fell asleep with Ardyn between us. Of course then the phone rang 5 times in that hour I was trying to nap... and I was so zonked out that I didn't even wake up until it was thundering and lightening and the dogs started barking. Then I was drooling on my pillow I was so exhausted. Ardyn was so tired she slept for another hour, even when I felt guilty and couldn't stay asleep.

Sunday night Evan went and got Lisa (Josh had her car!) and brought her over. We hung out, I did some laundry and we gave Ardyn a bath and put her to bed.... then sat around talking and crocheting until Josh came and got her. We completely avoided the superbowl, which was awesome. The only reason I really care about a superbowl is for all the good food and the commercials.

Today was THE day from hell. First the weather was crappy. I vowed that the next time the weather is crappy I am NOT hauling myself, Ardyn, and all of our belongings out in the weather. It's just not worth it. But, I did. I tried to wait a little bit longer so that all the snow would be cleared from the roads, and so that the sleet would switch to rain, as it was supposed to. But that also meant that I had to go out IN THE RAIN and march through all the snow to get to the vehicle and start it, and then shovel a path in the rain, and then haul all of our stuff (breastpump, purse, diaper bag, carseat) to the car, and then head off. When we got to daycare it was torrential downpouring (great) and I got Ardyn inside just before it really started to get crazy and was lightening and then pouring even harder. So I was running out to the car again and it started hailing. By the time I got to work, just like 3 minutes across town, there was about 2-3 inches of hail on the ground, about the size of peanut M&Ms. That sucked.

Of course the parking lot at work was a river, and the whole town was a serious mess with storm drains being frozen and standing water on all the streets and intersections. There was no dry spot to walk, and the water was over the top of my shoes. It was horrible. My socks and shoes were soaked, and the bottom couple of inches of my khakis too. When I got to work I just wanted to cry. WHY didn't I stay HOME! Of course then we had serious problems all day long and I was so busy that instead of my normal four pumping sessions, I only got in TWO of them, which also meant that I didn't even get two bottles of milk for the day, When Ardyn usually drinks 3-4. That sucked. That just made me want to walk right out the door. She is my number one priority. Some people might think this is a totally bizarre statement, but I would quit my job in two seconds and never look back if I though it interfered with being able to breastfeed my child. Seriously. It is that important to me. So by the time my day was over, I was ready to cry I was so pissed. And then I let myself think how I went through all of that, for the $8 a day that I am able to bring home. Its pretty bad when I make like $15 an hour and can only bring home $8 a day as profit. Anyone who says that healthcare and childcare are not issues in this country has never been a working mom who has to pay for both of those things.

We have also had the issue of diapers leaking at daycare. I can have Ardyn in the exact same diapers all evening, and all weekend long, and have never had a leak. But at daycare, it was getting terrible. Last week she was coming home from 6.5 hours at daycare with SEVEN wet diapers and two-three changes of clothes each day. That is a lot of laundry. I mostly use snap diapers because I prefer them to Aplix (velcro) for lots of reasons. They are less bulky, they have a nice size range, the leg and waist sizes adjust independently of each other, velcro gets pilly and can get fuzz and hair stuck in it, and it also sticks to everything in the wash. But for some reason, the snap diapers, the very same ones that I used at home, were leaking at daycare. I could change her every two hours at home and be just fine, but they were changing her every hour to 1.5 hours at daycare and she was still leaking. I swore that they weren't fastening the snaps correctly. They insist that they are as tight as they will go, and I really want to believe them because they are awesome people. But at the same time, we switched to only velcro diapers at daycare and she doesn't leak now. Well, this means that because I only have four velcro and she uses between 5-6 diapers a day, I needed to buy MORE diapers, even though I had PLENTY of them already. So now I am limping along with the four velcro diapers, and awaiting the 11 new velcro diapers that are arriving any day now. Basically 6 new diapers ran me $105 (with a 10% discount and free shipping) and 5 used diapers ran me about $50. That seems incredibly expensive, but if you figure using a $20 pack of diapers every week or so, that's $80 a month that is garbage and not reusable. With cloth you can use them month after month and child after child, and if you take good care of them and wash them properly, you can even sell them for about 50-80% their original retail value.

That said, I am planning on making my own diapers for Ardyn's next size, and also for newborn for our other children. The snap press and die set and my polyacetal industrial snaps arrived on Saturday. Today I got some misc PUL fabric for making Pocket diapers, and 3 yards of really cool outer fabric as well. And my poo pockets diaper patterns. Very exciting. This weekend we are going to the Quad Cities with my mom to shop for Sergers... and then I can get started. I made one of my diaper inserts with the sewing machine, and while it is possible, it's extra steps and they don't look as nice because they aren't as trim and straight. I am refraining from making any more until I have the serger.

This past week I was able to start using my new utility sink in the laundry room, and Evan and I hung the shelf down there that I wanted, and also my 5 Gallon bucket of Charlie's soap arrived. (yay!) Then I worked one whole night cleaning the sewing room (which hasn't been touched since around the time I got pregnant) and I got a dent in it. The problem with having it in the basement is that it just gets plain DIRTY down there, dusty and dirt falls from the ceiling and brick dust from the foundation. Ack. So I started down there. I organized two whole shelves and also cleaned a couple of big baskets of stuff that had kinda accumulated. Still have two tables to clean off and get organized. Ugh. Its a huge project but I want to be able to work down there instead of on the dining room table. As each day unfolds I become more and more restless about going off to work each day, making no money, and also getting nothing accomplished.

Well, now that it is almost 10pm, I have to get myself to bed, because I haven't been getting enough sleep and it makes me even MORE cranky.

speaking of cranky, the Aquatics Coordinator at the Bureau County Metro Center never called me back about infant water classes. Bah Humbug. Evan says that if that's the way they are, we need to just take her over to Peru. I would agree with that more if I wasn't working all day long and THEN driving her to Peru, but we will make it work.

Just need to finish this marathon of new John and Kate Plus 8 Episodes (I am an addict) and off to bed. Everyone have a great night.

Decisions Decisions

Do you know how hard it is to drag your ass out of bed and be motivated when you know you will go to work and bring home the equivalent of $1.25 and hour? And this is in the good Ol USA, not Mexico. No Third World Country. Ugh. Dramatic. I know. But man is it hard to feel motivated to give 100% of yourself when you could be home in your stretchy pants eating cereal and playing with your kid all day.

My mind has been ROLLING with what I will do. ROLLING with ideas. Dollar signs. Business Opportunities. SAHM and WAHM thoughts. It's so hard for me to get to sleep at night. Ever since feeling the pain of a postpartum paycheck, I have gone to bed at 12am or 1am instead of my usual 10 or 10:30. Even when I lay down, my mind swims for another hour at least. Frustrating. My husband just says "Don't worry. Don't stress" and while I appreciate his comforting comments, if it were that easy to turn MY brain off, I would have done it by now. In talking with CB I got to the bottom today, determining that you can't really make the "right" decision in this situation because you can't know the outcome. You just can't know what will happen 20 years from now, and whether or not either decision is the "right" one. So I am going to try to not let this eat me alive for a while. Speaking of eaten alive.... I swear something is biting my back.

I have been investigating Sergers. The Husqvarna has the best reviews, even over most singer models I have read about. Although Brother gets fairly good reviews. I think I need to go to a sewing store and see them demonstrated. But those are few and far between these days. The closest one is like 45 minutes away. Trying to figure out if I should have Evan take me, go by myself, or what.

Ahhh.... Decisions. Life is full of them.

Let the Games Begin!

Well, the soap came today! YAY! 2 three pound bags of Charlie's Natural Soap, which will do a grand total of 160 loads of laundry. That's alot! It only takes 1 tablespoon per load, which is refreshing. So today I have been washing mamma pads, diapers, wipes, and inserts, and this afternoon we will put our first ever cloth diaper on the Beeb! YAY! Pretty darn exciting! Friday night we also got all of Ardyn's new shelves assembled and moved into her room, where I was able to put all her toys on the shelves. Lisa came over for a bit and we crocheted and talked for a few hours, which was great because not only do I NOT have to be productive in housework, but I can also spend time with a friend AND get crochet done. Lisa made Ardyn her favorite blanket (okay MY favorite blanket) and we just love it. We love it so much we won't send it to daycare. We love it so much that we have already planned to make her big girl room in coordinating colors.

Tomorrow we have a reunion for my paternal grandma's family. Looking forward to that, lots of people who I haven't seen in years, some who I haven't seen since I was pregnant, therefore LOTS of people who haven't seen Ardyn yet. Should be fun. My grandparents 60th anniversary is also later this week.

So Friday I got my first ever "full" paycheck at work since being back from Maternity Leave. Once I have taxes and health insurance premiums for both Ardyn and I taken out of my check, and pay for daycare, and a tank of gas each week for my trip to work and back, I bring home exactly $40 a week. Um. Yes. That's the honest to god truth. So although I won't elaborate here and now, in the coming months something will change. Evan and I have been discussing and as sure as my name is Meagan... something will be changing.

I have to admit that I was beyond frustrated. As a person who thoroughly enjoys her job, and likes her employer and co-workers as much as I do, I was so so so excited to be back to work. I knew I would be bringing home less money, but I never imagined. I never ever ever imagined it would be this bad. I almost cried. And I do not cry. Luckily my friend CB came to the rescue and helped me rationalize that the world is not over and I have many many options available to me.

In the meantime, I have two fabulous scrapbooking/creative events that I plan on attending in the next two months. I look forward to them so wholeheartedly. The Beeb has been napping wonderfully today. We recently brought out the excersaucer, and she loves that thing. She isn't "spinning" around in it yet, but she loves being sitting all tall and playing with toys. She watched me do lots of laundry already today.

Thinking we are taking hot wings to the reunion tomorrow. It's gonna be so much easier to just go buy a few bags of wings and toss them into the crock pot. That way I can spend the day concentrating on diapers, laundry, housework, and putting away Christmas Decorations (Which suddenly looks much less important than lots of other things I would rather do today.)

Evan is taking a nap on the couch. I made myself some velveeta cheese and shells with tuna, and told myself that has to be low in cholesterol, right? Hmm. I rounded up hangers, which is one of the jobs that I hate the most in this world, right up there next to cramming clothes into my closet and saying "I NEED To get rid of some clothes!"

I am so caught up on laundry, I was even telling Lisa last night about the red hamper. The red hamper is a laundry sorting bin where I put all the red clothes. I also put all the tie dye t-shirts in there. Since I am such a hippie, we have about 5 or 6 tie dye shirts. Well, that is always the last thing to get washed. Sometimes it never gets washed. Apparently, it hadn't been washed in a LONG while. I knew this, and in the back of my mind kept telling myself how my goal when cleaning and upgrading things in the laundry room, was to get those damn red and tie dye shirts washed. So when I got done with all the sheets/blankets/towels/jeans/FOUR LOADS of darks/TWO loads of whites/Ardyn's clothes/Dog Towels... I pulled out the red hamper. And inside, I found two tie-dyed shirts that we had never worn... because when we got them I tossed them in the red hamper to be washed first. Yeah. Well. I knew the red hamper hadn't been washed since before I started to wear maternity clothes. So I figured maybe almost a year that hamper hadn't been touched. Well. When I got out those two t-shirts that had yet to be washed or worn, they were from the Strut Your Mutt Dog Walk - Circa September 2006. I know this because I distinctly remember that the dog walk happened the same weekend as my miscarraige, and I was convinced that I needed to go to the walk because it would make me feel better. When we got home I think I slept for like 3 hours I was so exhausted and was bleeding pretty heavily. So we never wore or washed those shirts. So some in the red hamper had been there since September 2006 at least. But I do have pictures of me wearing SOME of the clothes in October and November- of 2006. Ugh. So now, the red hamper is clean and I have discovered like this entirely new wardrobe of red and tie-dye.

Okay, enough of revealing deep dark hamper secrets. You get my drift. Have a great weekend!

The Good, The Bad, and the Stomach Flu

It’s been a few days… And I have plenty to catch you up on!

This past weekend was quiet, fairly un-eventful. I wasn’t feeling the best, but chalked it up to my stomach being in knots about going back to work. Sunday we laid pretty low. They had told us at daycare that there was stomach flu going around there and that two kids in Ardyn’s class got sent home Friday.

Monday we all got ourelves up early and stayed well on schedule. I wore a dress with tights and boots. When I was making myself some toast for breakfast, I took the toaster off the shelf and the crumb tray slid out and the crumbs went down my dress and into the cleavage. Ugh. Then when I was walking out the back door, I tested and it didn’t seem icy, and then about 4 steps later I slipped and landed on my ass, along with the diaper bag, breast pump and bag, breastmilk in cooler, and my purse. Fab. So I went inside, got the beeb, and we headed out for our first day at work/daycare. It all went well. My first day back to work was wonderful, pumping went well. No one disturbed me and I was able to get plenty of milk to sustain the beeb. After I picked her up and headed home, I was unpacking things and Evan was making supper. We started to eat, and suddenly, I started to not feel so good. It just got worse and worse, and I couldn’t finish supper.

I ended up having massive and horrific back and stomach cramps and diahhrea. It was terrible. It was so bad that throughout nursing Ardyn and trying to put her to sleep, I had to keep calling for Evan to come take her so I could run to the bathroom. Pretty soon everything coming out was just water and I was soooo miserable and sick. My whole body was shaking for hours and I was cold yet sweating and soooo nauseous. Evan ended up having to take the beeb and put her to bed. I switched from a cool washcloth to a cool towel. Several times the emergency room crossed my mind as the best option. I was almost as uncomfortable and out of control as I had felt during labor and childbirth, and that was scary. About 2am I was finally able to sleep fitfully and make bathroom stops about every hour instead of every 5-15 minutes. I was completely enveloped and propped in pillows to relieve the pressure on my hips from lying in bed and shaking so violently, and to keep anything from touching my stomach. By 6am I felt better. Not good, but better. Then I tried to call daycare at 6:45 to let them know we wouldn’t be there and that I was sick, and there was no answer and no answering machine. I called work and then lay down again. Ardyn had been up around 4 and again around 5:30, when I was finally coherent enough to nurse her again, and I knew she would let me sleep till 8 or 9 with all that milk in here. Anya called and we found out that daycare was closed because of the ice storm. So we really hunkered down and were lazy. Ardyn ate when she woke up and then took a nap, and I got up and took a bath. I hung out in pajamas all day yesterday and played with Ardyn. She nursed exceptionally well and was so thrilled to be all cozied up to me all day… All I could stomach was baby food Applesauce and baby food Pears. Evan suggested toast or crackers but I told him they would be too “sharp.” Which made him laugh. I did eat a piece of dry toast towards the end of the day, and made a little rice pudding. For supper I had a small cup of baby food pears and some more tylenol and went to bed.

Luckily Wednesday morning I woke up feeling about 100% recovered, and bounced back really well. We got ready to go, and had a nice morning. We even got to daycare so early, that I ended up at work 30 minutes early. Wow! I am so not an “on time” person so this was an amazing accomplishment. This week I started Physical Therapy. Hauling Ardyn around has really done a number on my back, and I have a thoracic back strain that we are working on repairing through therapy and exercise. The stretches and ab moves that they have me doing feel really good. My first day of therapy was Monday, and since I was sick that night, I really felt rough on Tuesday. My whole body ached and it was pretty intense.

We also had a sewage/drain issue since last weekend where there was a plug in the drain that exits the house, somewhere out by the street. So I got totally backed up (no pun intended) on laundry. Ugh. Thursday the guy came and cleared the drain out, and I started laundry. Ardyn had TWO full loads (a full hamper!) of just her own clothes/blankets. But we take two new blankets to daycare each day (germphobic) and so that’s a lot of blankets by the end of the week. Pluys pajamas, blankets, burp rags, clothes, etc….

After a week of “back to work” I am 100% confident that I made the best decision. I love my job. I love my co-workers. I love being able to have adult interaction, exercise more than my mommy brain, and have just a few hours a day to myself. I appreciate it so much! And really, considering that I am only away from Ardyn for about 6 hours a day, and considering that she usually takes 3-5 hours worth of naps at home each day, I am really only “not seeing” her for 1-3 hours total. That’s not so hard to handle!

Physical Therapy is going well and I am working to strengthen my back and abs, and haven’t had any back pain since I started the excercises, if you can believe that! Whoa!

This weekend is my work Christmas Party and I have a new dress to wear. A LARGE group of co-workers are going this year and I am happy about that. We also have a family Christmas celebration to attend this weekend. So hopefully my stomach can be 100% recouperated so that I can have some yummy food.

Sorry, it’s been almost a full week since I posted, but with being sick, and back to work, things got hectic. I started writing this post on Tuesday but didn’t get it finished till Friday night!

Kicking my ass

Yesterday was the busiest day on the face of the earth, and today is already running a close second. We were so busy at work yesterday, it was unbelievable. It was like full moon times 2000. By the end of the day, the day was not ending.... and when I finally left work, I was stretched thin but coping amazingly well. Evan and I met the daycare provider and secured our spot, and then we went to Culvers to grab a bite to eat. I was hungry! I successfully ate their pork BBQ special without burning my mouth (this time!) but I did BITE the inside of my cheek TWICE. What is it with Culvers that turns me into a retard?

We ran to Wal-Mart to get just a couple of things, and Evan pleasantly suggested that we go through the baby aisles, which was good, but just at the end of the baby section, I could feel myself breaking down from exhaustion. I just looked at Evan and said "We have to go. I can't take anymore." and he knew exactly what I meant. I was worn out. I couldn't hardly put one foot in front of the other. It had finally hit me! So I went home and did a foot spa thingy since my feet were killing me, and went to bed by 9:30. I was pooped.

My carpal tunnel has really been acting up so I wore my wrist braces to bed last night. I have a lump on my left wrist and when you touch it it feels bruised. It hurts so bad, I am just trying to be careful about how I position my wrists and how I use them.

So I slept okay, but at 5:30 I woke up and had been lying int he same position since about 3:30 and was sooooo sore. My hips hurt, my back hurt, my wrists hurt, Ugh. I had lines all over my body from the sheet pressing against me. I tried to go to the bathroom, remove the wrist rests, and go back to sleep, but just before 6:30 I realized it was a lost cause and I got up and took a bubble bath with the little heater on in the bathroom. I was so sore and the bath helped. I tried to kill time, but I was at work by 7:45. It's hard to kill time when the bank and post office aren't even OPEN yet!

I ate Biscuits and Gravy and a few strips of Bacon, along with some grapefruit juice for breakfast around 9:45, I was starving when I was driving to work and realized I hadn't eaten any cereal and my purse was suddenly a void of crap and not one granola or Luna bar could be found.... so I chewed gum and dealt with it until I had time to eat. The "busy" at work started literally the second I walked through the door...

I am accomplishing amazingly huge things.... but it's really kicking my ass. And there's still so much more to do. Husband has suggested a round of golf and a date night on Saturday.... I am excited and desperately hope I can stay awake! I am just reminding myself that next week I get my teeth cleaned and get a pedicure (why don't they do both at the same time?) and that's keeping my feet moving. They aren't swelling but they sure as hell hurt.

Hope everyone is still kicking out there....
The gas leak is fixed and all is well. Hot water abounds at home now!