Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Have I lost it?

I was talking to a friend today, and I started to think about some things. Mostly things that are different in my relationship with my husband now that we have been together for 9.5 years versus things that happened when we were younger and dating and mostly before we moved in together, or before I gained weight.

I love my husband. I would not trade him for the world and I wouldn't trade our relationship for the world. But as husbands can do, they forget the things that make wives feel good about themselves. I tried to think back to the last time my husband made a comment about me looking "nice" or even "good" or hot, or sexy, or any term representing the fact that I had put some effort into my outfit or hygeine, to which I put great effort on a daily basis. (besides saying you look fine get your ass out of the bathroom so we can get going)

I honestly could not remember a time within the last 4 years. I don't even remember him saying anything to me on our wedding day about how I looked. I remember him saying my flowers were pretty, and that he loved me of course, and other things about the day that made me know how much it meant to him... but never remember anything being said about me. Just me. And how I looked. That I was beautiful, or even pretty, or even cute. I could be wrong. I am sure he would say that he said I looked great, but I can't remember it.

But I do remember that about 4 years ago we went out for Valentine's Day and I wore a little black dress and pantyhose and black dress shoes with really high heels, and jewelry and he said that I looked "hot" and I could tell that the entire time we are he was interested in me. That's the last time I can remember feeling that way. Feeling that I was desireable looking. 4 years. And that makes me sad.

Don't get me wrong, he tells me that he loves me, he kisses me, he rubs my back, he cuddles with me on the couch, it's all fine. But it is just a bit unnerving that I am not "hot" anymore. And we don't even have kids yet. I'm not even 30! It makes me sad. I am very glad to be married. I am happy. But sometimes I think back to what it used to be like, and it makes me sad.

I know that all wives must feel that way. But when talking to a friend who tells his wife that she looks great, and that she is hot.... I feel sad. And Jealous. And fat. And Ugly. But happy for her and proud of him.

Damn it.

Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress
Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess
Rebel Rebel, how could they know?
Hot tramp, I love you so!

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J's Mommy said...

Sorry I don't have anything better than, "All men are the same!" I know how you feel though. It sucks!

Some Random Girl said...

I just had this convo w/ my husband. I told him that I need more....I know it's stupid and sounds superficial but I need to hear that you find me attractive. The standard "you look fine" just isn't cutting it.
Later that night...I got a "you're beautiful AND youre sexy".....
Just tell him what you need straight up. Maybe he'll get it.

[m]att™ said...

Yeah, as a man, altho I have no experience with the "relationship" thing. Don't even ask. I think it would be best to just be upfront and truthful, tell him about these feelings. Concurrently, when was the last time you called you husband "hot" or "sexy" or any other dirty word ? no blame, just a question.

dazed said...

Ahhhh Matt. Always making me think. Yes I do say dirty words, but maybe not enough of the nice ones. LOL. Thanks for making me think. :)

IzzyMom said...

I have no words of wisdom other than to refer you to my post called "The Tip"if you didn't already read it. And then have someone mail it to your

Tina said...

Oh, Meagan! Aw. That isn't right. I think it's fairly natural, but it still isn't right. You need to talk to Evan about this, for sure.

Hill said...

Okay, I don't know how you found me, but DAMN am I glad you did!

I totally relate to this post, and I have only been married for 6 months now. (Hmmm...perhaps that's a bad sign...)

Anyway, I LOVE your blog, and think that you should at least feel good about the physical affection is still there after almost ten years.

I had a back ache the other day and, after asking my husband to rub it, I got a very whiny, "((sigh)) Okay but, when's dinner??"


Anyay, thanks again for coming by and saying hello. I'll be back!

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