You know, when the urge to blog strikes, it hits me pretty hard. Sometimes I can not think of anything to blog. (shocked you, huh?) and then not long after that I will have this whirlwind of thoughts and I can't get to a computer fast enough. Usually those thoughts trickle away and I never blog them. SO imagine that I am sparing you from millions of my brain waves. Are you sad? Thrilled? Relieved? Last night while putting away groceries, I thought of three things to blog and never blogged about any of them. Today I can only remember one of them.
Let us blog.
I started to think about god and the bible. I personally think that god is a cool dude. I don't mean in a "bible thumping press my religion on everyone around me wear a WWJD bracelet and a metal fish on my car" kind of way. I mean in a "Dark Sunglasses, hawiian shirt, Weekend at Bernie's" kind of way. What if God looks like Jack Nicholson? Now don't start shouting blasphemy at me just yet.
I was raised Lutheran. But most importantly I was raised to think for myself. And when I think for myself, I start to wonder, why would god be all fire and brimstone? That is totally uncool. That is the worst way to get followers. Who wants to worship someone that they fear? Do they trust that person? No. I don't trust the people I fear. That's a ridiculous notion. The best way to get followers and make people believe and trust in you, is to be one cool dude. Everybody knows that, right? (pretend you are thinking for yourself here, drop everything that has been pressed into your brain)
Just think of the popular kids in school who were also polite! Let me give examples of :cool dudes: - how about Jake in Pretty In Pink. The jock. The Hot Senior guy. Yet he talked to the dorky kids and wanted to date Samantha. He was a cool dude. Now, he didn't advocate the things that happened at his party, like all the drunken activities, the overactive sexual encounters- he was mostly above all of that, but he wasn't fire and brimstone. What I am saying, is HOW did god get to be fire and brimstone? IS that what he actually is? I don't believe it. I believe that God is a cool dude. Someone misinterpreted him, but we will get to that in a minute.
God, he likes to lay on the beach in the sun (or why would he invent the beach and the sun? ah yes, to torture us I am sure!) and I think that he isn't afraid to crack a beer(or maybe a corona or a fruity cocktail) every once in a while in the name of relaxation. God is one cool dude. He talks to everyone. He treats everyone equally. He is full of love and forgiveness. He's got to be laid back. When you think of what god's voice must sound like, do you think fire and brimstone?
Or, like me, do you think of this calm, relaxing, soothing, deep voice - the voice of someone who is not uptight and mean, but someone who is calm, cool, and collected. Like your mom's voice should be soothing or a phychiatrist's voice. Think Yoga instructor voice. Soothing.
But just like your mom, god can totally get pissed. Why not? He has an incredible level of tolerance, that's for sure.... but don't mothers have an incredible level of tolerance too? Do mom's get pissed when you hit your little sister? yep. And so god protects his flock.
So what I am saying, is that Who in the world decided to make god into this bad guy? I have an idea. Now remember, this was just a thought I had when putting groceries away. I'm not telling you what to think. And no matter what you say, thinking for myself and not as a "lamb in god's obediant flock" is not going to send me straight to hell. I personally believe that god would prefer thinkers on his team.
So what if, back in the day- "pre-bible" we are talking- God was a cool dude. He loved everyone. By being a cool dude, he was able to influence people of all races, cultures, and walks of life. He tried to lead people down the right path. God sent Jesus down to be a cool dude and gather many followers. Jesus made wine from water and broke bread and multiplied fish. Everyone was in awe.
Now let's say that there were people around, let's call them Stan and Ned. So Stan and Ned has always been hardcore god fans. They were straight-edge, square people. You know the type. Very uptight. They were firm believers that god was a harsh critic. The believed that god was fire and brimstone. Now whether that was passed down from generations or if they read something that got them there, I don't know. I am not quite familliar enough with history and such to know what caused them to be that way. It may have been a dictator or ruler who was strict and enforced their ruling in a fire and brimstone kind of way, leading them to believe that all rulers were fire and brimstone.
But anyway, pretend that Stan and Ned and all the people like them were hardcore followers of god. They never questioned the things that they heard about god. They did everything exactly as they were told god wanted it. Then god sent down Jesus. Jesus was popular. He was like Jake in Pretty in Pink. He was a :cool dude: in the coolest sense. he did all of these amazing things. He talked to everyone, he believed in everyone. He wasn't prejiduced by race or religion or society status. He drank wine! Heck, he made MORE of it! He had feasts and he indulged in bread and fish. He fed the hungry. He took care of the poor and healed the sick. He shared what he had with those PEOPLE that Stan and Ned thought they were above.
Now let's say that Stan and Ned, believing what they were taught.... thought that Jesus was going to come down and be fire and brimstone. They thought he would snub his nose and turn his head at those who didn't believe as much as Stan and Ned believed. They thought he would look down upon those who drank wine and broke the rules. They were sure that when Jesus showed up, he would be their Homey. Yeah, well, they had pegged it all wrong. And what they realized right then and there, was that THEY had been so straight edge, so uptight for years and years, waiting for Jesus to come down and praise them.... and when he actually showed up, he paid more attention to people who needed help getting on the right path. He paid more attention to other people and he taught them to be tolerant of others and forgiving. He taught them to share what they have and treat others as they wanted to be treated. He taught everyone to look out for each other. LOVE ONE ANOTHER JESUS SAID. And all along, Stan and Ned had put themselves on this religious pedestal. They had been "better than" those peopple drinking the wine. They didn't love those people! They didn't Associate with those people! They didn't give those people love and share their food with those people! They were BETTER Than those people? Right? But come down to it, and Even Jesus didn't think he was better than those people. So by acting as though they were "better", Stan and Ned were acting as though they were BETTER than JESUS himself?! Whoa. They really screwed that one up, eh?
Problem was that Stan and Ned were the educated type. And they were also the vengeful type. After Jesus death, they decided to write things down. They decided to write about what type of guy God was and how he wanted us to behave. But their views were biased because they were angry. They wanted everyone else to believe what they had believed. They wanted everyone else to believe in fire and brimstone. So they wrote a history of what had happened, and they intoned their own beliefs into that writing, their own interpretation of the events and of what God would want. They were the educated ones, who had the social postition to write and write well, and to be taken seriously. And so even today, people take everything in the bible to be "gospel truth." But think of how many times the bible has been translated. Each translation reflects another person's thoughts on the subject, and eventually, it loses some of it's credability. Especially when you can't ever prove that the people who wrote it weren't writing something to further their own personal agenda.
So why wouldn't you want to think for yourself? Your brain works, right? Aren't you able to live your life andtake pieces from the bible that make sense and put them towards your life? Aren't you able to use morals and your gut feeling as a guide about what is right and wrong? Doesn't that also bring with it tolerance of people of all races, colors, religions, and sexual orientations? Would Jesus (cool dude, remember?) actually want you to look down on someone who believes differently than you? Who dresses differently than you? Who loves someone of the same sex?
Nice story eh? Send all shouting blasphemy claims to WWJD@dazed81.com
I will continue to believe that God and Jesus are two "cool dudes."
P.S. I am marking this as a flaming hot button issue.