Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Self Exploration, a Fantastic Voyage...

Firstly, let's welcome Laci and everybody go on and visit her at Long, Slow, Beautiful Dance. I am enjoying her blog. And how much she uses fuck. A girl after my own heart.

Now. To begin today's post, I am going to talk about Ego. My Ego. Which is apparently getting bigger. This morning, when looking in the mirror when I was ready to go to work, I was like DAMN! You are freakin CUTE! You are AWESOME! and I wasn't trying to pump myself up either! New clothes! Wearing my army green khakis and an adorable black shirt with a big scoop neck and puffy babydoll cap sleeves. It has really cool side panels that are attractive shaped. And black mary janes..... And LOOK at my breasts! I love them! How could you not love them! Husband loves them! Stealth Bombers Love them! Online Friends Love them! The Irish Love them! I love them! How did I ever ever ever get so freaking lucky? How many of us are born to have an overflowing D cup? Isn't it magical? The more weight I lose, the better, the BIGGER my breasts look! It's great! I love it! I can't get enough!

So I am feeling good. I am catching glances from men, more so than when I was carrying around a few extra pounds, and it reminds me of the good old days. Lately I have noticed there are several men at my place of work, who normally say hi to me every day, unconsciously? doing the once over and then getting that *look* on their face, and pausing before they say Hello. By the tone of their voice, they might as well be saying "Helllooooooo Nurse (anamaniacs reference)" But I don't think they realize that I can see right through what they think they are hiding.

Example.... a while back, I caught a male manager looking right down my shirt. I was working on a computer, bent over, and I said something, and he didn't respond, and so I looked up to see if he heard me, and sha-zam if he wasn't all busy gawking right down my shirt and apparently rendered speechless. He stumbled for some words for a few seconds, caught red-handed. I wasn't upset, it was really comical. It's powerful. To know that once glance at the goods can render a man speechless. It lets me know I am still attractive and it is encouraging me to continue to lose weight. It could be seen as a little creepy, but men are gonna look, and if women know what's good for them, they will use what they have, and indulge in a lil eye candy now and then too. Whew. Those links men. Are Hot.

When I was really young I was pretty naive, and thought that all the hugs that I got were friendly ones.... but as I have gotten older I am starting to understand a "cop a feel" hug a little better. Older and wiser.

So speaking of ego, as I lose weight I feel more in touch with, and in love with, my own body. I don't think it's a bad thing. I don't really think of myself as egocentric. But I am happy to have a better body image and more body confidence. I know how far I am from perfect in many ways, but it helps me to feel good about myself. I like to have confidence in the fact that others can be attracted to me. That my husband is attracted to me.

One thing I can guarantee, I will never turn into one of those "sleep around with everyone because now I look good" chicks. I wasn't that way when I was skinny and young. Sure I love to flirt, but I wasn't a tease and I have never ever cheated on a boyfriend. (If it's a girl, it's not cheating right? JUST KIDDING!!!!) So I am a honest, loyal partner and wife. That's my gig.

I told my friend Kreg, my goal is to be a MILF someday, but instead of using HM to get that title, I plan to use personality and perhaps my breasts. Is that a bad thing?

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