The Mack Truck Massage

"I'm pretty sure it was a Mack Truck, officer... the one that hit me. **pulls up shirt in back** Can you look between my shoulder blades? Do you see the Mack logo in the grill marks? No? Nothing? Are you sure? No Bulldogs? Damn, I could swear...**lowers shirt gingerly**I woke up this morning and I could just feel every muscle in my back. Where was I last night? Well, I.. uh... went to Peru for a massage, and then I stopped by Anya's...

No... it couldn't have been the massage officer, you must be mistaken, Tina* wasn't a big lady... and it felt so good.... well most of the time... except when she was working on my shoulders and back... I guess that was a little painful... you don't suppose..."

That was the best best best massage. And today... I. Am. Feeling. It. Wow. It is 7:31am and I am "awake" (magical, unbelievable) and running a lavendar mineral salt bath as we speak.

The Ariva spa was *FAB* with buttery colored walls and thick plush rugs and a double wide massage table with soft flannel sheets in butter color to match the walls. There was a giant (and pleasantly loud) floor fountain in my massage room and candles on the walls. It was clean and soft, and quiet. There was the tranquil music, like I was in a Zen Garden. And then, there was Tina*. She was wonderful. polite. didn't talk during the massage. and her hands were so strong! How is that even possible? I suppose that was the most swedish massage I have ever had, and the longest (1 hour) and probably the massage that I have most needed in my enitre life.

It literally took me about 35 or 40 minutes before I finally felt fully relaxed and was able to shut off my mind. It has NEVER taken me that long, and it had nothing to do with the atmoshphere, or Tina*. It was all me so stressed out and tense. I kept trying to think "zen garden, that really toned yoga guy (my buddy Rodney Yee) sitting on a rock in staff pose, all the flowery leaves floating through the air in the movie Hero." I was trying to get into my "place" but it just would NOT happen. All I could think aout were swedish fish, those gummy fish. Because she was somehow able to flop her hands around on my back and it made me think of a flopping fish and I started to think "Is that why they call those gummy fish Swedish Fish?" and then I started to think about those paper thin Fortune Teller Fish that you lie in your palm and they either lift their head, their tail, or both, or neither, and it means... something. I will have to look into that. These are the things running through my mind during my massage. I was strugggling to shut off my mind, to say the least. Zen Garden. Rodney Yee. Floating Leaves. Trickling Streams. Pagodas. Japanese Maples. Monks Chanting. Bare Feet. Smooth Black Rocks. Warmth of the sun on my face.

She worked on my neck and shoulders and back until I FINALLY relaxed. It amazes me that they know it's happened. Amazing. I know that I had terrible knots in my shoulders, and more on my right side... all from my neck to down about 6 inches below my shoulder blades. And I felt every knot as she worked them out. My favorite part is the hand massage, and the foot massage, and the neck massage.

This was the very first massage I had completely naked. Most of them I leave my underwear on, but this time, when I asked to what degree I was to undress, she said "Take everything off, unless you are more comfortable to leave your panties on... it's your decision." Well, if you know me, all it takes is one invitation to be naked. I totally believe that you can't fully relax unless you are naked. I have envy for nudists and naturalists. I would have been a naked chick at Woodstock. So I went *au naturale* and it was fab.

Last night I felt all loose and comfortable and my skin was all soft from the massage oil. I went right to sleep at midnight. This morning I woke up naturally at 6:15, and when I tried to move, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. And that's the true nature of how sore I realy was before.. but now it's a good feeling, (after 2 Excedrin, a bottle of water, and 40 minutes on the heating pad) and I am pleased with the results. My shoulders have dropped about 8 inches from their former location up near my ears. It's a great, loose, relaxed feeling. And I intend to go back to Tina*. Monthly. Wow. Do I ever. She was awesome, professional, skilled, and made me feel relaxed and at home. I highly recommend her.

*Tina might be her real name. I can't remember. It might be Terri. My mind is too foggy this early. I will double check later when I get to my wallet and her card. I hope to know her on a first name basis for as long as we both shall live.
UPDATE: Tina is her real name.

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