Everyone loves Breasts, right?

Last Night I took my bath and planned on starting to read Memoirs of Helen of Troy. And I was distracted. By the new Playboy. And instead I read the whole thing. Cover to Cover. I love Playboy. Hef is truly a genius. I love watching the Girls Next Door and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Bridget and even Holly. The girls have their own calendar and I want it SO SO SO bad! They are so cute and sweet! But I figure I can't hang it up at work, and I don't really hang up a calendar at home. But still. I covet the Girls Next Door Calendar.

Honestly, most women would think I am nuts. But I think that it would be so cool to live with Hef. He is the perfect gentleman to those girls! They have cookouts and Mardi Gras and Birthday Parties. Theme Parties are my downfall. As Jimmy says "the chink in my armor" LOL. Too bad people around here suck ass at Theme parties. no one follows the theme. That's why I LOVE LOVE LOVE Halloween!

I couldn't live at the mansion like they do. Besides the obvious not being a teeny, tiny-waisted blonde, I am totally into the get married and settle down and have kids scene. And it would be hard (as you witness Holly go through) sharing your man. And not having kids. But if you were like one big happy family, sharing your man could be tolerated. I guess I just think it is appealing... but I am sure I could never pull it off.

If I could go all freaky Friday, I would love to switch with one of them for the day... or maybe for a week. I would totally switch with Kendra, because I would want to hang out with Bridget and Holly... Except that would mean that Kendra would be with Evan.... and trying to do my job, which would be a disaster, so I would have to let Holly go be with Evan and do my job. That would probably be better. Or maybe time could just stop and I could hop over there, suddenly become playboy material, and hang out with them and go to Mardi Gras and Have a party with a slip-n-slide and check out the grotto. And then just hop back to my regular life and no one would miss me. That would be ideal. Ahhh.... in a perfect world.

So back to Playboy. I learn more from that magazine then I did in High School. I swear. Like did you know that the inventor of Turtle Wax used to mix it up in his bathtub, then go to Chicago Cubs games and while the game was going on, he would polish the fenders of cars in wrigleyville. When people would come out after the game, they would have a shiny fender, and he would be selling his wax. How cool of a story is that? That's like a thing that Hef would recall. Super cool. Where was that kind of knowledge and nostalgia in High School? Damn! The shit I learn from Playboy. I love to read the advisor. The shit that people come up with! Wow.

Oh, and speaking of awesome ta-tas.... men and women alike, you need to go do this. This is a petition. I know I know. Petitions don't make me a tree-hugger.

There is a push by insurance companies to make Mastectomy an outpatient procedure. What does Congress have to do with healthcare, you ask? Well, hopefully the The Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act of 2005 will help to protect the rights of Breast Cancer Patients.

After having a mastectomy, a breast cancer patient would no longer be able to stay in the hospital and have their stay covered by insurance. Normally there is a 2-day stay. Now what really pisses ME off about this, is a bunch of congressmen (and only a few congresswomen), who have never had their own set of boobs in their life, get to make this decision. Um. No.

How about we lop off your penis, and then we let a huge group of women in suits decide that it's okay to send you home, instead of a physician. How's that sound? Okay? Um no.

So please sign the petition. Hey, why not just do it for my mom, shes'a breast cancer survivor and she's one cool chick. Do it for your mom, and your wife, and your girlfriend, and your daughters. Sign the petition. Then come back and read some more.

This Post (and others like it) Tagged Under:

• Playboy
• Opinion