Monday, December 05, 2005

Nag Nag Nag Nag Nag

Monday's always hit me like a brick. I never want it to be Monday. Not yet. Well, last night I was up late because I had slept in so late, and because I started watching the Notebook at like 11:30 and didn't get done till almost 1:30am. I read the book back when it came out, and it reduced me to a blubbering idiot, but I have to say that the movie did a fabulous job of doing the same. I must have bawled like a baby for an hour, at least. Can I just say that the young Noah and Allie were totally hot? I mean that movie brings back all the memories of young love and how fabulous it is. Makes me realize it sucks to be old and fat. Where is that treadmill?!?! Not until they finish the floors. Do skinny people have better sex? Probably- because they don't have as many inhibitions and they are most likely more playful because they aren't body conscious. Oh- and they are more bendy.

Also worth mentioning is that My grandma alice's birthday is today... and on Saturday night she had emergency surgery in Peoria to put in a pacemaker, her heart has been stopping on and off for the past year, what she thought were dizzy spells bought on by blood sugar (diabetic) were really episodes of her heart stopping and skipping beats. In the last week she started fainting, and Saturday morning her heart stopped for 9 beats. So she had the surgery, she was awake during it, and then she was up in bed afterwards and got to come home yesterday at lunch. I haven't seen her yet, but I need to get her a card made. Hopefully she will feel better now!

This morning I was really hoping for the contractor to be there and painting to be in full swing, but by 9:30am they weren't there yet. I give. Whatever. Not like we have a DEADLINE or like we CARE or anything. It would just be nice to be notified if you are showing up or not. My car doors were frozen shut and I had to dash outside to get the checkbook to write a check for the cleaning people.

Evan and I of course had to argue again on Sunday about how he thinks that I should call them (cleaning people) off during the "remodeling" and so on. But again, as a man, he does not understand that even though there is dust about and two rooms are displaced, there are still germs and bacteria that need to be gone. How would our house look if no one had cleaned it since the remodeling began in July? Hello? Husband's brain, I know you are in there!? It's not like the bathroom needs to be nasty and the kitchen needs to be grimy, just because there is dust. Are you telling me that since there is remodeling we shouldn't have mopped the floors or dusted for 6 months? Duh. But it's easy for him to say "you can just do that yourself" because yourself refers to me, the wife, and not him, the husband.

He was angry at me all weekend apparently because I supervise too much, like I wouldn't let him put up the Christmas Lights alone, which is a good thing or else our driveway would be lined with Rope lights that snowmobilers and snow plows would be all caught up in by now. I visualize a giant tangle, like a ball of christmas lights, snowmobiles, and snowplows, stuck at the end of the driveway. In theory, and without deep thought, his ideas sound good.... but sometimes, he just doesn't think them through. Like when the freezer came and he wanted to move the foosball table over about 2 feet- instead of across the room as originally intended, so that I had to squeeze past it to get to the freezer and it would be blocking the cabinets with all the baking supplies and entertaining supplies- It's DECEMBER! Hello! Can you say CHRISTMAS and COOKIES? Good lord.

But he would never think of that because that is not his problem. Baking Christmas cookies is not on his agenda. Delivering him when wife appoints him, now that is his department. Keeping a stack of plastic wrapped cookie platters upright in his car while sliding around the countryside.... Now THAT is something he does for me. But some things are just never cross his mind. Like how is it, when people come over we have a corkscrew to open the booze, or wine glasses or that cute little board to sit the cheese on. All from the cabinet that he was prepared to block. Those things do not cross his mind.

Therefore I am the evil supervising wife. How dare I think things through and foil his brilliant plans! I try not to let it get to me, I know I can be the nagging type. But I am telling you, what wife is NOT the nagging type? And my husband is the type that NEEDS to be NAGGED! It would be different if he had this hellacious initiative and drive to DO something. (something not involving a remote control)

It is the job of women to keep men thinking. I swear that without us, there would be hundreds of men sitting drunk in their underwear flipping through maxim magazine. Women are the big reason that life goes on. Pro-creation I mean. How many men have a ticking biological clock? How many men say to their wives "I think you need to settle down now and have kids" ?? Granted- there are always exceptions to the rule.

The 40 year old single guy, the gay men, and those guys wearing fashionable clothes (the peacoat and scarf guys) like in GQ. You know, the type that can wear a ring without being married or without being a mobster with hairy knuckles smoking a cigar. But a guy's guy, like my husband, does not have a biological clock. He does not know how to entertain beyond chips and salsa and blue christmas lights strung around the ceiling, and cans of beer in the fridge. He's polite. He can be sensitive. He can be romantic, and he can be very loving. He's not dumb, don't get me wrong, but his extensive interests include things like Movies, Music, Magazines, and Playmates. If your husband can name every playmate by name, like when she shows up in a movie unexpectedly he goes "that's one of the Dahm Triplets" then you know you have a guy's guy.

Evan... well..... He can name the playmate, but he can also hang christmas lights to wifely specifications, and he can do laundry and hang up clothes and fold towels. (when forced) He can also wash dishes and I would trust him entirely with a 2 year old (assuming that he was awake) but it's getting him to focus and do these things that is the supreme wifely challenge. It's getting him out of bed and into motion.... it's making him realize that he doesn't live in a hotel with laundry service.... and that his wife has needs beyond cleaning up after him. It's getting him to wake up and not treat me like I am his mommy, here to take care of him.... That's the things that I struggle with.

So that makes me a nag. Because I have to say more than once at 11:30am, noon, and 12:30 "when are you getting up" and because I have to threaten him with bodily harm to get the garbages emptied. It's him not noticing when I am sad or upset, because he either isn't there or he is glued to the computer or the TV. It's not because he doesn't love me, it's because he's a guy. But all I am saying is that if he would just GET UP in the morning, I wouldn't have to nag. If he would just EMPTY the garbage when it is full, or at least on Sunday because the garbage goes out on Monday-- then there would not be a reason to nag. How is THAT so complicated to see? A nag is made when someone doesn't do his or her part. That's my theory.

3 comments:

Tina said...

Oy. They do say the first year of marriage is the hardest. Was it like this before you got married? If it doesn't get better, I say you're entitled to a naughty fling.

dazed said...

oh, yeah. It's always been this way. At least always since we have lived together. So for 5 years. And it was occasionally that way BEFORE we lived together. That's life I guess, especially with someone you love. In most books and movies, They don't show you everything when they show you love. That's why the notebook gets to me, because Noah tells Allie that he isn't afraid to hurt her feelings and tell her she is a pain in the ass. That's real. Foofy love is not real love. It's just the beginning. If you are with someone for a long time, you are comfortable enough with them and with your relationship to ignore what they tell you, and to piss them off without worrying they are going anywhere. You piss each other off more the more you love each other, for real, because you know that the other person loves you to death and HAS to put up with you. It's strange really. It's always been this way, and it will probably always be that way. But It doesn't make me love him any less, it's just one of those things you deal with everyday. Sometimes you wish for the young romantic times that you had when you first met, but that is what gets people to cheating. They want that mystery, that closeness and passion back. But what you give up if you cheat, that's way way way more important than what you get if you cheat. You are giving up something that you can't get back.

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