Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Must..... Get Back..... Superpowers!

I was thinking today. I used to have power. I was born blondish with big boobs. You can not imagine what power I had. And even more power because it was all real and not fake (this is not a post advocating fake boobs and bleaching your hair) Now over the years I have seemed to have gained weight, and it frustrates me. I am JUST about ready to do something about it. really. time to buckle down. With Weight gain I have lost lots of my power. Oh my brains and tongue are still sharp as tacks.... but I didn't always have to use them if I didn't want to.

5 years ago:
curvy, tall, long legs, blonde hair, big breasts- me
"oh mysterious man on the street, can you help me?"
mysterious man "considering I have been gawking at you for the last 8 minutes with my jaw on the ground and you just actually spoke to me, yes, I will do anything you ask without question!!! And also may I please buy you a drink or perhaps some diamonds? Can I stare at your chest while you lean in to open the door?"

today, 50 pounds later:
chunky, klutzy, pudgy, unnoticeable- me
"excuse me sir, could you please help me?"
mysterious man "I'm sorry, is there someone there? Oh you struggling with a giant package, I never even noticed you because my eyes were riveted to that leggy blonde over there. Why don't you get a gay man to help you, they're interested in helping the chunky chicks."

Why oh why would you want to throw away such power?! I had that perfect combination of being able to get a man's attention without even speaking or looking at him and the sharp tongue and quick retorts that would leave him alternately running for his life and begging for more.

I have lost it. All my powers of persuasion. Gone. I must get them back. Drat where IS that treadmill? I have even lost the powers over my husband! Of course I think he likes not being subject to the powers and not seeing other men subject to the powers. That's why he keeps resisting the requests for the treadmill to be moved to our house. You see, while there must be some satisfaction in "those other guys are constantly staring at my girlfriend (now wife) there must also be some annoyance in "those other guys are constantly staring at my girlfriend." and maybe he got tired of comments like "will you breastfeed my kids" and "can I see those before I die."

Who knows. But I must get back my superpowers before it is too late.

4 comments:

Tina said...

Meagan! If you want to lose weight, that's great, but do it for yourself...not so some oafish stranger will stare at your boobs again!

IzzyMom said...

You know...I am so understanding what you mean. I was going to comment on this before but got busy and have since written my own post about weight loss. I, too, feel I've lost my mojo. My husband says otherwise but he is well-trained in that area so it doesn't count...lol

~Wizzy

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work »

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