Saturday, December 17, 2005

It will take a Christmas Miracle.

I feel as though Christmas has just taken a sad sad turn. Let me first give you a bit of background. Before I begin, let me just make a statement.
I love my in-laws. They love me and they have done alot for my
husband and I. But that doesn't mean that I can't get a little upset every
once in a while. Correct?
Secondly, let me just say that I can't give you the full story without divulging what I believe to be personal information online about the family and making it available for crazy people online.

But the moral of the story is that as a favor to his parents, my husband will be driving to Chicago and back EARLY EARLY on Christmas morning instead of waking up next to his wife, kissing her a good Christmas morning kiss, and opening gifts with her at home. Instead, we will be seperated on Christmas Eve as we each go to our seperate families, and we likely won't even go to sleep at the same time, and then he will wake up at like 6:30am, to go to Chicago, and won't be back until probably lunch time, if things go well, traffic is not too bad, and the roads and weather are okay.

Then me, wife, will be all alone, no presents opened on Christmas morning, and then have to go to my mom's for Christmas day all by myself, with the assumption that Evan will come there when he gets home from Chicago. All of this to go pick up a vehicle that his parents drove up there on Christmas Eve. Why won't they just let him drive them up there on Christmas Eve? Why does ANYONE need to be traveling that far on Christmas or Christmas Eve. I am worried to death of the traffic and the potential for accidents. I don't ever want to lose my husband or have him be hurt, especially not around Christmas!

Now it is one thing if they don't care about Christmas themselves, and they want to ruin their Christmas by making plans that everyone else thinks are insane. That's their business. It's their Christmas. They usually don't celebrate it anyway, so they can "celebrate" it however they want. However, now their decisions are affecting my marraige, my Christmas, and the traditions that I am trying to build with my new husband.

My first "married" christmas and my husband will be far away. I mean I can't whine too much, he could be in the military overseas, it could be much more stressful, but the point is, there has to be a point where you are able to make your own decisions as an adult, and even though you owe your parents alot, and you love them alot, you should still be able to say "I am sorry, I can't do that. Not today. Today is Christmas and it is important to me and it is important to my wife, and As much as I love you and want to help you, I know that you will understand." and then I would try to work with them to find an alternative. And at the same time, what parents would ask their child to do a silly errand away from his wife on Christmas Day. I am telling you, if we had kids, I would say OVER MY DEAD BODY are you leaving us on Christmas. But I don't have that leverage as just a wife. That would be selfish. But in this instance they are thinking only of themselves. It frustrates me incredibly. And the kicker is that I am SOOOO super excited about the big gift that I got for husband this year, and he won't even be home on Christmas morning to open it.

Am I being overly dramatic? I don't know. I am just frustrated and angry that we are still letting others make decisions for us and we (at least one of us) can't stand up for ourselves, even to our own parents.

UPDATE: Apparently I am mildly overreacting. Instead of the vehicle being in Chicago, it will be in Moline.... so instead of a 2 hours away (sans traffic) to Chicago, he is going 45 minutes away. That is not so bad. I wondered for hours last night what made me jump to that conclusion, because I am not usually a conclusion jumper. I am a rational, fact based, kind of person. I recall that months ago, the Mother-in-law telling me all about the whole ordeal, and saying she had already invested and were going to Chicago on Christmas Eve. She also went into a discussion about their vehicle and how it would be safe in Chicago because it would be fenced in and all that, and now they were changing their minds? It all seemed too strange. So husband never said WHERE he was going to get the vehicle when he approached me about it, and I, already being told it was Chicago, assumed that it was, and when I found out differently last night, I was like- um wait. Moline? and Husband said YES moline, no WONDER you flew off the handle about it, YOU thought I was going to Chicago. So it was a miscommunication. There was a change of plans somewhere in there that didn't get mentioned to me, and I was just going with what I had been originally told. So while I am still upset, I know now that husband will onle be gone 2 hours. Nothing serious. It will all work out, and I will try to sleep in.... so I had better stay out late. Was it a Christmas Miracle?


PCinAZ said...

That is wrong of them to expect him to do that. He is a married man and his first responsibility is to his WIFE. There is some saying about a son is a son until he takes a wife.... Hmmm, find that on a card and send it to your in-laws?????

dazed said...

no kidding. A friend of mine said she thought this was a power struggle launched by his mother, to prove that she still has "control" over him and what he does. Now I need to find that card..... LOL.

Anonymous said...

That sucks.

jared said...

I cant believe he is that much of a mommas boy. Stand up their young man and do the right thing

dazed said...

Well, that's just it. He is as far from a mommas boy as you could ever imagine. Seriously. But his issue is never saying or doing what he wants (except to me, aren'ty I lucky?) because he wants everyone to be happy and doesn't want to rock the boat. So instead, he lets everyone walk all over him (except me, he never does what I ask, lol)

It is just so frustrating.

Tina said...

Hell, no, it's not okay. I would be furious. An ex of mine was super-entwined with his family and it was, ultimately, one of the things that broke us up. There must come a point when you choose to have your own adult life with clearly defined boundaries where your family is concerned. If you don't or can't or won't reach that point, something's wrong. That's my take on it.

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