Lunch was fabulous today. I ate a bag of kettle korn (the microwave kind, who would have known!) while waiting for my lunchtime. Then I went to the "circle" a.k.a. Soldiers and Sailors Park, and spread my blanket out on the grass in the sun beneath the monument. And I got out my book, Son of a Witch, and I read for 30 minutes in the sun. Ahhh...
It was great. Great. I didn't want to come back. People were mowing their yards and sitting on their porch swings and I thought to myself HOW can these people NOT be at work? How unfair is this? WHY do I have to work all day every day?
And of course, I started thinking.
Lately I have really been having the hippie debate in my head. Some of you know my hippie debate, from such posts as Get Back to Where You Once Belonged, and Just One Giant Saw Away from a Co-op.
Example- We have some friends. I have known them for years. Husband has known them longer. They are the nicest guys, would do anything for you. Always polite and sincere. Lots of fun. Sometimes too much fun. Some people would call them immature. Some would call them slackers. Sometimes even I call them that. They are the guys who would think nothing of quitting their jobs.... just because it's summer. Spending their days mushroom hunting and their nights outside dancing and laughing and cooking out with bonfires and music. There have been moments lately when I get to thinking, and I think.... why is it wrong for someone to not work in the summer? Teachers do it, and it is okay for them. What if I just decided that I would work all winter and then not work in the summer? Of course there is the whole "how would I pay for my car and my house and what about health insurance" thing. And there is the whole "I would have to find a new job every fall because no one would want to hire me back after I kept quitting every summer." but these guys don't CARE! They don't HAVE a car. They probably don't even have health insurance. And sometimes, that makes me insanely jealous.
WHY CAN'T I JUST DO WHAT I WANT instead of ALWAYS doing what is right? Is life really about busting your ass every day to have a car and a house and all these things? Sometimes I just get angry that they are having what appears to be so much fun and I am working. They probably don't HAVE a checking account! They probably don't! I think about the Plow Creek people standing on the corner in front of the courthouse holding their "honk for Peace" signs. And I think- HELL-O! They do WHAT THEY WANT! What would happen to me if I wanted to spend one day a week holding a HONK for PEACE sign? Not that I want to, but I'm just sayin. I would totally be fired. It's not fair. Other people control me!
I really hate that so much of what I do is controlled by what I am SUPPOSED to do. I'm controlled by what is RIGHT to do. I'm controlled by what other people say is right. And the one thing I hate is being controlled by someone else. It's that damn conspiracy theory thing again. Controlled. By society. By the government. By our elders. CONTROLLED by what other people tell us is right. Believing what other people tell us to believe. Only GOING somewhere when you have "vacation time." I mean there is a whole world out there and I can only leave here once a year, and money allowing. SUCKAGE!
I work and work and work and don't have any money. If I am going to work all day every day, and have no money, why the hell don't I just NOT work all day and still have no money. If I am going to have no money, I might as well be enjoying myself! Part of this comes from a person who is in debt, who pays out as much as or more than they make. Part of it is job frustration, from working and working and never getting the recognition or the compensation that you deserve because you are "young." I have found that the only way I have ever been able to move up the ladder is to get a new job. And that SUCKS! It does! Why is that right? Why should I work twice as hard as someone who is 10 years older than me, just so that I can try to advance, and then not get compensated or noticed for it. Why do I have to worry about if I will have groceries?
I need to just buy a cow. Milk it. Make my own cheese. Grow my own veggies. Live off the land. It's like EVERY SINGLE DAY I feel like the whole commune thing makes a little more sense. I feel like being a hermit makes a little more sense. Live on the land, be surrounded with nature, see only the people you want to see, figure out things for yourself, be unaware of when Brangelina's baby is born, or even who the hell Osama Bin Laden is. Why not? Ignorance is bliss, right?
Why wouldn't I want to live a simple life (with the internet of course) where I can make my own decisions, work when I want to, relax when I want to, surround myself with nature and my loved ones... and just be peaceful?
Maybe this will be out of my mind by next week. Probably not, considering I think of it everyday. Hopefully wearing more hippie skirts and beads will help me. Trickery. Fool my mind into feeling free and calm. I need to buy incense.