Hmmmm.... they don't LOOK 21.....

Tonight is obviously the night for drunkenness. I of course, am completely sober, sitting indian style, on my bed, in the dark, in my nightie.

The neighbors, on the other hand- are not. sober. sitting. or in their nighties.

There appears to be some **ahem** underage drinking going on in the neighborhood tonight. This was first brought to my attention as I was peeing in the darkness of my bathroom, and Hadley, the intuitive dog, began barking on the front porch as though there was a need to rip off the head of someone or something in near proximity. First I yelled at him to hush, but then I realized that this was an unusual occurance- UNLESS someone was outside.

So when I got to the front porch, in the dark, I could see a man hiding behind the tree in my front yard. The first thing I did was yell (and I can have a hard ass menacing voice if I so choose) "HEY! What are you doing in my yard." and the man froze in a position that I can only **assume** he thought rendered me blind and himself invisible. um. no. not so -- oh innebriated one. So again, I asked what he was doing in my yard, to which there was no reply, so I let the dogs out after him. (on their tie outs, not loose) and when Hadley tore off across the yard right after him, barking the "When I get you I will rip your leg off" low growly bark, the kid apparently decided that It was time to flee, except... um yeah, he couldn't run because he was basically too drunk to stand.

So once he "almost" fell twice, and got out of reach of the dogs... he said "I'm sorry I am lost and I am just trying to find my way home. I don't mean any harm and I don't want to cause any problems" and I could tell by his voice that he was slurring drunk, and was young, and was sincerely freaked out. I said "where do you live" and he said "Princeton" and I said "how did you get here" and he said "I have friends here" and I said "where are they" and he said "I don't know!" and he couldn't even remember their names. He said (while frantically dialing on his cell phone) "I am trying to call my friend to give me a ride home." and he walked down the sidewalk one house and leaned against another tree. I could hear his every word (spoken in what a drunk is SURE is a whisper, but is really a yell) and he was like "I can't find you! I yam shumewherein Wyanet! I don't know whereIyam!" and the response- my neighbors door opens and out pours a group of people yelling his name and he says (from 1 house down- obviously plastered) "I can hear you but I can't SHYEE YOU" to which they respond by flickering the porch light until he *magically* gets his bearings and runs like there's no tomorrow towards their house, cigarette in hand. Ah the endearing rescue.

Then 10 minutes later, all the kids are outside. Then they are in the road. Now keep in mind that is a county highway, frequented by travelers, and dark because there is only one streetlight on the entire block. So the drunk kids are standing in the road screaming at each other. Very Safe. And not the least bit annoying.

Drunken underage boy #1: Fuck You Man! I love that girl!!!

Drunken underage boy #2: Fuck YOU man! That isn't about to happen! I won't let you do that to her!

Drunken underage boy #1: FUCK YOU!

Drunken underage boy #2: FUCK YOU!!!

etc etc.

Drunken underage boy #1 shoves Drunken underage boy #2: Don't fucking Touch me man! That's Not Cool!

Drunken underage boy #2: Fuck You Man! Get away from me!

I am like. Seriously. Kids. Get a grip. You are about to get the cops called on the only nice, unnosy, unbitchy, laid back neighbors I have. Whose (older) son I am friends with. I do not approve of your activities or their appeared approval of said activites but GROW THE FUCK UP!

So I, in my best bad ass tone, go to my bathroom window, which is right next to my bedroom window, which are both wide open and approximately 50 feet from their drunken screaming asses, and let out the biggest bitch ass yell I can. That shuts them up for about 10 seconds. Then I say "HEY! I AM FUCKING SICK OF YOUR SHIT SO GET YOUR DRUNK ASSES OUT OF THE STREET AND IN THE HOUSE BEFORE I HAVE TO CALL (neighbor man/party chaperone) TO COME OUT HERE AND KICK YOUR ASSES!!!" Speaking their language always seems to scare the shit out of, or INTO them. Whatever it takes.

One 1/2 soberish underage kid comes running out of the house and drags 3 other drunk underage kids back into the house with the words "get your asses in the house! You are going to get the cops called out here!"

And then silence. For about 10 minutes. Then arguing can be heard through their windows. Then JUST when I think they have GOT to be about to fall over drunk and pass out, and I think to myself, chaperones can't be so bad, right? Keeping the kids safely at their house while they are drinking... and all that jazz. No need to worry. Cops don't need to be involved. At least they are safe.

THEN the drunken underage kids come outside.... pile into one car, and drive away.

Um yeah, not so happy about that.

And them 20 minutes later, after what was apparently a trip to take drunken underage boy from behind the tree to Princeton, the car comes back, and boyfriend and girlfriend pile out and exchange a few heated comments that I think might start the whole scenario over again except that they go inside. Is it over? Only time will tell.

How did kids GET so stupid? this right after husband and I were taking a walk by Bureau Creek today after a picnic, and saw some kids who looked all of 17, spreay painting "white power" shit all over a bridge. We stood there for about 10 minutes watching them. They didn't see us or hear us. The rattling of the spray paint cans was obviously too enthralling. Then one of them spots us, and they all quick sneak off to the other side of the bridge, where they lose their paint cans, and come back looking all like nothing happened. about 4 punk ass skinny white trash kids, looking like they need their asses kicked. Which they do. Not as much for spray painting in a public area, in broad daylight, but for WHAT they were painting. Karma baby. It will all come back on them. That kind of attitude sickens me.

So with summer comes a swath of underage illegal activity. And now I know why the cops around here sweat kids so hard in the summer. Because dumb asses like that give them all a bad name.

This Post (and others like it) Tagged Under:

• PissOff
• IdRatherHaveFlanders