Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Just One Giant Saw away from a Co-op.

Is anyone else really struggling in the mornings these days? When the time first changed, I was fine. But it just seems to be getting worse.

Firstly, one of my goals back in January was to de-stress and dramatically "uncomplicate" my life. I had medical problems and I was just downright sick, and sick of everything on top of being physically sick. So I started the South Beach Diet at the end of February, and I started to get rid of things that I found stressful. Even though some of them were rewarding, and for good causes, I needed a break.

I concentrated on things that were "all about me", which meant that my after work activities went from "cooking/cleaning/laundry/dishes/volunteering/fixing other people's computers" to more relaxing things like "reading/drawing/scrapbooking classes/drinking a glass of wine/playing with the dogs/watching TV/curling up with my husband on the couch."

I have gotten this huge realization that it doesn't always have to be about helping out every person who comes to you with a task. Eventually, word gets around that you are a sucker for a cause, and everyone under the sun needs your help. I get every reason in the book. I am "reliable" or "creative" or "crafty" or I have "the best ideas" or I "know alot of people." I have also realized that although I love my job, my work is not my life and it doesn't define me. Being artistic and crafty and laid back.... those are the things that I want to define me. I can be reliable and knowledgeable at work all the time but that doesn't mean that has to carry over and take over my free time. That's how I got to feeling like I was working all the time.

So with the doctor recommended South Beach Diet, I have lost 14 pounds since the end of February, which is great. It's like a tiny knick in the surface of something that to me feels as large as Mount Rushmore, but it's a knick nonetheless.

And just as of Monday of this week, with the newfound sunshine and longer daylight hours.... that I started to feel like I have found myself again. I mean, I was there all along, it's not like I forgot who I was. but it's like everyone else's problems, and my obligations to those problems, were preventing me from just being myself and doing things that I enjoy.

So anyway.... getting back to the not getting my ass in gear in the morning. I work late. Let's just say I don't get up before 8am. Ever. Period. I usually get up more like 8:30, or 9am at the latest. I haven't really had a whole lot of trouble getting up. But I have had trouble getting myself out the door in my allotted time. I usually give myself 45 minutes to get ready, and 15 minutes to make the 8 minute drive to work, park, cross the parking lot, get up to my office, and clock in. 45 minutes has always been plenty of time. But lately, in the morning, I seem to have so much MORE that I am trying to accomplish. Firstly, I am in desperate need of a hair cut/color. It is long enough now that I can pull the top half back, which is nice, because I like options. But it is just BARELY long enough, so in the morning I curse and struggle with it. Plus needing a cut, it is SUPER thick and so it takes much longer to dry in the morning. So I have a hair struggle.

Secondly... I always want to open up the windows, which only takes a minute.... and I let the dogs out, but now they seem to want to Hang out in the yard in the sunshine and roll in the grass, which I am cool with but I am like Hell-O! Dogs I am on a SCHEDULE here! Can't you see that? and then after I finally get ready, dressed, dogs outside, windows open, lunch grabbed, purse grabbed, keys, pager, cell phone, etc- And I am out the door- I always get behind some jackass or a SERIES of jackasses, like a Jackass Train.

This morning it was anhydrous tanks going 30... but I was car number 3 behind them and there weren't opportunities to pass (or there were but the first guy didn't take it, and I am not too keen on passing three vehicles at once when one is an explosive tank on wheels. Any other time I would definitely pass three vehicles at once.) Yesterday It was a train. The day before it was a tractor... followed by a state truck. JEEZ! And the other problem with going to work that late? The only people on the road are in no hurry because they aren't going ANYWHERE. Those stay-at-home-mom-mini-van-caravans (you know the one- where the kids are hopping around in the back in a way that let's you know they have wrestled out of their seatbelts and are putting their sticky jelly fingers all over everything and each other) and the grandparents off to pick up their prescriptions and a cup of coffee at the Wal-Mart snack bar. Oh and then there is the people that have doctor's and dentist's appointments. argh. I can pretty much spot them from a mile away. Farmers gawking at their fields or at each other. WTF? Get off the gawd damn road!

So I decided this morning that I need to get up earlier so that all of these "distractions" don't ruin my morning and make me late for work. But all of this is cramping my newfound laid back lifestyle. I am trying my best to refuse to let all of these outside influences mess with my fucking plan. But how?

Ideally? Take a giant saw and cut my house/yard into a big island that would only be accessed by boat and only with my permission because THEN I would have made my own island and my own water and I would OWN the water so no one else could cross. Of course that would mean working from home and probably starting my own co-op there so that I could have my own food and all that so I wouldn't need to leave the island unless I wanted to. I mean I would of course still need cable and high speed internet. So really I could rig up one of those tubes like at the bank drive through, that came from the land. Two tubes. One for necessary cable and phone hookups and one for sending things like mail and cheetos back and forth to the mainland. I would totally have parties, beach style, with tiki torches and with music and a bonfire by the water every night. Jack Johnson and Jimmie Buffett would totally break tour to come hang out and play guitar with my husband. I could wear sandals or go barefoot all day and burn my pantyhose. Sarongs and Bikini Tops. Tousled Beach Hair. Suntans and shell anklets, with toe rings and sand between my toes. Ahhhh.... you can totally feel it, eh?

I did see this totally cool book at the book fair last week that was a guide to "living off the land" and I was like "with my ag background and degree, and my green thumb and cooking skills, I could TOTALLY survive. " but I didn't buy the book. I mean sure I would have to go to the mainland for pedicures and Kate Spade Bags.... but besides that.... you make a few connections, you trade and barter, you grab a cow and some chickens, maybe some turkeys.... you got yourself a kick ass co-op.

I could park my car on the mainland in case I needed it, and I could totally make me a homebrew version of the wind turbine for power, and if I got sick of the scenery, I could kick it into high gear and harness the windpower to drive my island somewhere else for a while. This could totally work. I should start drawing up plans immediately. What will we do tonight Brain? Same thing we do every night Pinky, try to saw our house into an island! It could be like a Prison break. I could start digging. Just start digging a little bit every night. No one would notice. Once I get a trench dug around my whole house, I could just start filling it up with the garden hose, rent a giant earth saw, and separate from the mother country. By the time the water bill came, I'd already be my own country and I would have diplomatic immunity and not have to pay for it. Eventually I would put a helipad on the island so Jack and Jimmie could visit whenever they wanted. This could REALLY work out for me.

That's the Plan Stan!



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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read »

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