Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I won't let him be gay.

Wearing: Black Gauchos, a black babydoll shirt with pink and white flowers, black cork heeled sandals with rhinestone buckles... pink toenails, Dangling black hoop earrings and straight hair.
Listening: Hinder Get Stoned and Lips of an Angel (watch the Videos Here)
Eating: Leftover Rips Chicken

Well, I am so addicted to Hinder. I completely have a picture in my head of what the lead singer would look like. Totally hot. Like smoking hot. Rough. Lots of facial hair. Totally Cut. Probably a little dirty. Jeans. I am guessing no shirt. I can completely see him. He might look a little like Chris Evan's in this picture or maybe Eric Balfour in this picture. Gulp. Of course, Anya saw them in concert September 12th, with Chevelle and Nickleback, and told me that he if the lead singer isn't gay, it would be a miracle. I adore gay men. I do. But this can't happen. I totally had my picture in my mind. I mean LISTEN to that guy's voice. It's totally hot.

So she showed me a picture on the internet on Sunday and I was like Wha? how? It's impossible that little guy opens his mouth and THAT sound comes out! Jeez! He is so NOT what I need him to be! Oh well. She said "look at his hand. His hand was like that the entire time he was singing" and so basically she's trying to tell me that he is flamin'. I have found some pics online where he kinda puts me in mind of the Crow.... but still, nothing like I need. So I told myself that he is all lip synching and that there is a totally hot and scruffy guy behind the scenes singing. But then I watched the videos. And granted, he does seem a bit strange when singing, but I don't think that he is necessarily gay. But maybe Matt can help with this. I don't really think that many gay guys would agree to do a video where he is in the shower with a naked chick (2 chicks really, one naked and one ALMOST naked.) And I don't think he would be all down with a chick in leather hot pants crawling all over him. But.... maybe that's the image that the record producers want him to have. And if the titties don't bother him, why not?

You see, I love fantasies, and I am not about to let mine be ruined by having the guy singing that song be gay and therefore "unfantasizable." I guess, worse case scenario, Anya and I could hang onto our "gay husband" theory, where we really need three husbands. One who is a totally hunk. Like the poolboy. Think Jessie Metcalf on Desperate Housewives. He fulfills our every desire. He makes you feel like a woman. Hot. Then one who is a really good looking gay guy- nice dresser, takes us shopping, comes home with these "fabulous strappy shoes" that he just knew I had to have. And then just the regular "guy's guy" who sits on the couch with the remote or the one you see glued to the TV in sports bars.... except I haven't figured out why we even NEED that third guy if we have the hot guy and the gay guy... except that we had that conversation aroung Brad and Evan- so maybe we were trying to soften the blow.

And our husbands were like jaw dropping because they assume that as women, we don't have any fantasies. We just do dishes and laundry, right? Well. The guys (I think it was Evan) made the comment that they would have three wives, a redhead, blonde, and a brunette. And I told Evan that I can be all his fantasies, and I will dye my hair blonde on one side, red on the other, and black from behind. That got everyone cracking up.

So. Moving on. (although it's hard to tear my attention away from the Hinder Fantasy guy.) I do like his tattoos though (the real singer.) It's strange that I like tatoos on SOME guys, but hate them on others. It's just something about pulling them off I guess. And while I like tattoos, I REALLY don't want my husband to have any. Probably because everything he picks or mentions, I am like "what?!" I just don't know. I like my husband looking just the way he is. I guess I worry that if he gets a tattoo, I might not like it, or he might turn into one of those guys who I don't like tattoos on. That would be so upsetting! There is a fine line that can be walked with men and tattoos. If you do it wrong, instead of looking tough and sexy, you get all skanky and strung out looking. And if you have something stupid, or in a stupid place... you can get all goofy looking. Like how about the Greek Tattoo on a overgrown frat boy? Not cool. And sometimes some of the coolest tattoo's that are really colorful, are a turn off. I like to see the art, I think they are awesome, but I mostly am not a fan of all bright colored tattoos. I like dark ones. Blacks and Blues and Purples. Maybe Green. For Halloween Evan is going to draw a tattoo on me like Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow Tattoo. But instead of saying "Jack" under it, I will either leave it blank, or put "property of Cap'n Jack." Not sure. My pirate costume STILL hasn't arrived. I am starting to get frustrated. I have my hat. My mom saw the hat in the living room and she came in and said "Oh my god, that Pirate Hat is SO you!" and it cracked me up, because I was thinking "can I pull off that sexy, frilly hat with the big red bows and plume feathers?" and then mom said "It's SO you" like three times and I was thinking "I KNEW I was a pirate! I KNEW it!" So I am thinking that tonight I will traipse around the house in the only pieces of my pirate costume that I have.... my fancy hat and my stripey socks. That should get me in the mood for pirattitude!

Last night it was very stormy. Evan ran to Casey's and I went into our room. I was propped up on the bed reading, and suddenly, the sprinking outside turned into some RAGING winds and hail. In a split second, it roared up and blew the window fans out of the bedroom and bathroom windows. I jumped up and ran from room to room shutting windows, but in the 40 seconds it took me to shut 4 windows, the window sills and the floors and anything within 4 feet of the windows were SOAKED. Evan came flying in the driveway and pulled up by the back door. I went to the back porch and was looking out. I had my hand on the aluminum screen door, and a Big lightening bolt flashed across the sky, and I got shocked through the door! It was just like touching an electric fence. Holy Cow! Evan came running inside, he was SOAKED. It looked like he just got out of the shower. LOL. The dogs were pacing and the trees were swirling around. The Ghosts stayed in the tree... which proves that Spiderwire is awesome and my husband was right. WZOE said 50 mp winds and dime sized hail was coming through.

So I got quite a bit of reading done last night.... I finished Ya-Ya's in Bloom over the weekend and I am about 3/4 of the way through Little Altars Everywhere right now (also by Rebecca Wells.) My goal is to have them both finished by tomorrow night before my mom comes over, so that I can give them back to her.

So now I await my pirate costume, my camoflauge Chuck Taylors, my red Chuck Taylor "simples", and my Pottery Barn Kids Halloween Calendar. My tupperware order came in yesterday and I was able to organize all my flours and sugars in the new modular mate super ovals. My mom has my label maker, and once she brings it to me tomorrow, I will label them and everything will be PERFECT in the OCD kitchen. Except of course for the fruit flies that we got in the apples that we picked.... and even though we removed the apples, the fruit flies seem to be swarming and choking us. It's so hard to get rid of fruit flies. We spray them with OFF Skintastic when we see them. LOL. I also await my Stampin Up Order from CB's party. Oh yes, and my order from Kathryn-Beich to support a co-worker's daughter (school sales.) Can you say "shopaholic?" Ohhhh! And I forgot, I am also awaiting my early birthday present from husband- my baby pink double-breasted wool peacoat! Yummy! My next purchase will be a replacement camera. I keep saying that, but other things keep getting in the way and eating up my ca$h. I need more hoes to pimp! Actually, I don't have any hoes. But I could be a pimp. I am my own pimp. I think it would be fun to pimp out men. Like have a whole cast of pool boys and just be in charge of them.

Anyway, back to shopping... I am a Home Party Addict. I would be willing to bet that I attend or purchase from an average of 20 home parties a year. And that is not an exxageration. I have, however, limited myself to hosting ONE home party per year at my house. Add that up with at least one cookout in the summer and one holiday (usually Thanksgiving) and I think I do my share of entertaining. This fall we are having Thanksgiving again (per usual) but we have the issue of seating. Now that Evan's brother has a girlfriend, that adds in another person. So immediate families now adds up to ten guests. Thankfully I have enough plates, silverware, and wine glasses. And I ALMOST have enough fancy fall napkins with leaf napkin rings. I think I have enough Napkin Rings but not as many napkins. So before the gathering, I need to purchase a new poly-resin buffet size table. I have one in the scrapbook room, that folds in half. I love it, but after about a year of use, it bows in the center. So I have continuously meant to purchase a new one, but just haven't done it yet. So before Thanksgiving, I need to do that.

Every year I make the Turkey the day ahead of time, take all the meat off the bones, and keep it warm and moist in the crock-pot. This year, we plan on deep frying the turkey(s) or at least Turkey Breasts. That will be fun. This year Thanksgiving is the day before My Birthday. Two Years ago it was the day after. I was born the day after Thanksgiving. My mom was in labor during Thanksgiving. In fact, she was HOSTING thanksgiving. She woke up that morning and had contractions while she was standing at the sink peeling potatoes. While everyone else ate Turkey dinner, she was lying upstairs in bed. Wasn't that nice of them? Don't wanna interrupt dinner or anything... right? But then I think, what 9 month pregnant and ready to pop woman hosts Thanksgiving?! My mom. She can do ANYTHING even when you think she's nuts. I guess that's where I get it.

So this Friday I have a "dentist appointment" and Anya and I will take Ava to Tanner's Orchard for pumpkins and apple cider and apple cider donuts and pictures. It will be SO much fun, and it is supposed to be 70 and sunny, so I am looking for a fabulous weekend. Today it is supposed to reach 90 and they are talking about breaking a record Illinois high for October 3rd. ooohhhh. Exciting! It was all I could do to make myself get dressed and come to work today. It was already so nice this morning... I was dying to be at home.


Dustin said...

who cockblocked you with the Hinder picture?

couldnt they just let a girl dream on?

Michelle said...

I am so a home party addict! If I could, I would spend a schload of cash and host every party I could! You need to email me (tonynshell3@aol.com) with how to cook a turkey directions (yea, I've never done it and plan on hosting turkey day this year since my in-laws oven broke and they don't plan on replacing it until they are done remodeling, probably in the year 2012!

mon said...

uhhhh, i kinda pictured hinder more dirty...their like 80s hair band gone soft. Almost bon jovi like. Shattered dreams suck!

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