They're All Dead

Let me start off by saying that this post is not meant to be depressing.

Have you ever done something that you still to this day don't know WHY you did? And I don't mean "Oh I was a kid and I didn't know any better." or "I learned my lesson"

I mean something totally stupid. I let all my plants die. I am pretty sure I did it on purpose. It took MONTHS. My plants are accustomed to lots of light and very little water. Most of them I have had anywhere from 6-10 years. I went to college for Agriculture and took a whole semester of Horticulture and Landscape Design Classes. I loved the greenhouse. I love plants. I have always loved to garden and keep houseplants. But I am a bad gardener, because I plant, I harvest, but in the middle, I let the entire thing become overrun by weeds. Embarrasingly.

Houseplants I have always been good with. Check out these pictures from my spring cleaning in 2006.

But this year, something happened. I stopped. I Dont know if I am just lazy, if I don't care, or what the deal is. This summer I stopped watering my houseplants. And now they are almost all dead. I also didn't do a thing with the pond. Last winter I believe that it was vandalized, because we came home and the pond had been lifted out of the ground... all the plants disturbed. All my hard work and years of establishing plants ruined. And I just... stopped. I didn't put the pond back in. There was just an empty weedy hole there all spring and summer. It's still there now. I was so proud of that little pond!

The Ivy in this watering can, which I was so proud of... it's dead now. The Ficus Tree. I bought it 10 years ago at Target for 10 cents. It was literally one single stick, less than 10 inches tall. All the leaves had fallen off. It was infested with aphids and whiteflies. I felt SO sorry for it. Evan couldn't BELIEVE that I wanted it. I said "for 10 cents! Someone needs to save it before they throw it away!" I was so upset, and determined to make a difference and nurse it back to health. 10 year later, this past spring, it looked wonderful. Now. It's almost completely dead and has dropped almost all of it's leaves. What the HELL is wrong with me? The fern, the umbrella tree, the special green and yellow spider plant that I started from a cutting in 1998 from a college class field trip to A&M Growers.

I have walked past the plants for months. I would say to myself... "someone needs to water the plants" and I would think "maybe tomorrow" and I literally did that for 6 months. Literally. And then I see them all dead and I think "someone should get rid of those dead plants" and there they sit. Today, I watered the ones that look like they might have a chance to come back. I should be shot. I feel terrible. I don't care, yet I really really do. Detached I suppose.

What the hell is going on?