How it really is.....

Tuesday. I am kinda cranky today. I have to admit that you are gonna hear it like it is today. No sugar coating.
My shower went well. I had a great time. It was hotter than hades. The country club AC was apparently not working and no amount of bitching by hostess and family could fix it. The table linens were dirty so there weren't any for the guest's tables. They didn't have a garbage can for us to put our dirty plates, etc. inside, so they brought us a dishpan with a garbage bag in it. They used the punch bowls from the wedding the night before to put our lemonade and iced tea in, and then before the shower was over, the owners of the punch bowls were coming looking for them. We thought they belonged to the country club!! Then LeRoy royally ripped us off when he charged my sister $40 for four carafes of iced tea and a punchbowl of lemonade, on top of the $50 fee that Evan's mom paid for the rental of the room, which was supposed to include TABLE LINENS and I ASSUME should also have included Air Conditioning!

My sister ended up getting into it with LeRoy and practically screaming at him, but luckily I was GONE by then thanks to my husband, the knight on a white horse who helped set-up, tear down, and carry all my many many fabulous presents to the explorer and take me home to lie down because I was overheated and sweating and having contractions. He unloaded everything at home too, in the humidity and heat, and then went through all the bags with me to see the goodies. It was fabulous. Last night we assembled the swing, high chair, and bathtub, and also went through clothes and sorted them by sizes. There were only a few duplicates, which was nice. We will probably exchange some pink things. We got SOOOO Much pink. It was unbelievable. Everything was pink. And I like pink. But it also makes sense to have things, especially basic things like towels, washcloths, bibs, etc. in some unisex colors, especially when we plan on having a minimum of 3 kids. We got some cute stuff! Lots of books.I have realized in the past weeks that it is OTHER PEOPLE that make my blood pressure go up. It's people at work. It's people that I see who make stupid or thoughtless comments. If I could just be at home, and talk to people that I wanted to talk to, and tell it like it is at all times, I think I would have the most fabulous blood pressure on the planet. But (for example) when you are planning on breastfeeding, and you give someone a bunch of info on breastfeeding so that they will support you, and you ask them to respect your wishes and not give your child formula or a pacifier or bottle for the first few weeks so you can establish a routine and rhythm, and then that same person outright and offhandedly TELLS you that they talked someone out of buying a stroller (from our registry) and into buying a gift card (from a store where we aren't registered) because "It's nice to have that gift card when you need to buy supplemental formula"..... I can feel my fucking head spinning and my blood pressure skyrocketing, and it takes every bit of energy to maintain my cool, not explode, and walk away.My husband probably said the nicest thing to me on Sunday. After the shower and on the drive home, at which point we were thinking I could be getting closer to labor any moment because of all the contractions I had been having that morning and evening, and the loss of the MP throughout the week (If you don't know what that is, you don't need to), and the 3cm dilated that I was last Tuesday..... He said "You have done really well with being pregnant. You don't complain much and you have really kept your emotions and hormones in check. I am very proud of you" (I am kinda paraphrasing because that was two days ago) But it was so nice to have the person who is with you all the time, see how hard you are working to maintain a calm veneer even when you want to strangle someone for something they say or do. I mean I know there was the incident where I cried uncontrollably because I accidentally had Subway put mustard on Evan's sandwich and I thought he hated me and wanted a divorce.... but overall I think I have done well with controlling my outbursts, or keeping them to a minimum unless it's just the two of us. And perhaps even then.

Luckily the nice thing about a come and go shower was that I got to open gifts almost continuously, without having to hear a couple of the rude comments that I was informed of later. I was relaxed and excited, and enjoying seeing everyone. Although I have to admit that I wish that there had been a tablecloth at least on my table so that I could have sat with my legs open comfortably in my dress (you just can't cross your legs at 9 months pregnant) so that it wouldn't have looked so un-ladylike in the pictures. Oh well. You can't have it all. And honestly, the person I was most excited to see was my husband at the end. I wanted him to be able to see the baby presents, and I wanted to go home and rest because that was an extremely stressful and strenuous day. People aren't kidding when they warn you about that! And most people probably had AC! Another thing, I forgot to eat that day. There was so much going on, the first thing I ate all day was a piece of chocolate cake at probably 2:30 or 3pm. and that was the last thing I ate till 6:30. Not terrible healthy. Will have to do better at that next time. Not that there will be a shower again. Ever. But you know what I mean.
Our water birth class got canceled. Again. I was upset. But I felt even worse for Evan, who keeps arranging to be available for the class and getting showered and dressed and ready to drive here, and then at the last minute I have to call him and tell him it's been canceled. Ugh. At this point in time I have practically give up that we will have one. (the class)

I have another Midwife appointment this afternoon. I am doubting that she will check my cervix, because I think she won't want to disturb things. But maybe I will "get lucky" (pun intended. LOL)

I think that tomorrow night we are making the trip to Target/Wal-Mart to do returns. I need to buy the stroller ($149) and am still needing some breastfeeding supplies, apparently it isn't "fun" to buy those as shower gifts. hee hee. I want some milk storage bags, some of the milk bag organizers for the freezer, some breast pads, and a dishwasher basket for nipples, pacifiers, and toys (not to mention breastpump parts) and also a wipe warmer. I need a couple backup covers for the changing table pad.... and some quick-clean wipes and micro-steam bags for the breast pump. I also want a pack of 12 cloth diapers to use as burp cloths and such. I am gonna exchange the sleep sack that I registered for a more expensive one online.... I didn't like the one I registered for, it's my own fault, but I want a better quality one that will last through more than one babe. We need one more car seat protector mat and we didn't get the tummy time Gym, so we still have a few things to wrap up! And we wanted a walk-through baby gate so I don't have to step over the old one we have with a baby in arms.... we use them for dogs and now for babies too!

What else is new. Hmm. The ankle is better. It still hurts, and swells by the end of the day, but overall it's just swollen and purple and green. Ack. No crutches now, I was done with them fairly shortly and went back to work on Monday although last night I kinda regretted it.

This morning I was cranky at everything. The sheets on the bed piss me off because the "fitted" sheet just isn't fitted enough and the sheet gets all wrinkled under me and leaves painful sheet marks on the pregnant skin and pisses me off. My Cell Phone/PDA Pisses me off because all morning when I am trying to sleep or relax it's still reminding me of things I am supposed to be doing at work, even when I am not at work until 1pm. So much for the term "Smart Phone." My heartburn pills won't come out of the bottle because I am too lazy to peel the stupid foil protector off completely. I trip over my own flip flops. The kitchen floor was gritty because the dog got up on the counter last night and knocked the Monical's breadsticks all over the floor and ate them and so I had to clean that up before I could make my pancakes. The first 2 pancakes were too thin because I didn't follow directions and the powder mix stayed thick in the BOTTOM of the mixing bowl. My stomach hurt because I had 1.5 glasses of OJ on top of my pancakes with strawberry syrup and it was too rich. My car was hot because it's black and it's 500 thousand degrees outside. I was 12 minutes late for work because I insisted on sleeping till 11, then eating pancakes, and then going to the bank to make a deposit. When I get to work, someone who is not 9 months pregnant with a twisted ankle asks if I want to walk four flights down and three buildings over for them and they look SURPRISED when I say no. Ha!

I am not "tired" of being pregnant. I am tired of trying to be NICE while pregnant! And I am tired of waiting for my maternity leave to start. If I go all the way till my due date before Ardyn is born, I have only 13 half-days of work left. And I know that isn't THAT far away. But still. I can't wait.