Earwigs have feelings too!

I hate earwigs. I hate them. I don't know what is is about Wyanet, but before we moved here I had never SEEN or HEARD of an earwig. In the country, we did not have them. They creep me out. They live and hide where it's damp, so every summer when it gets humid we start to see them. Usually they are primarily outside, in the gutters, under potted plants, under lawn furniture, anywhere it's cool and damp. They always are able to sneak into the front and back porches, but usually that is where they end. Not this year. Those freaky little bastards with ass pinchers are getting IN my house.

It started a few weeks ago, and it gets progressively worse. They think my bathroom is their home. I am on red alert whenever I go in there. Then they started showing up crawling across the floor in the living room, or on the wall in the bedroom. About two weeks ago, when I got in the shower there was one in the wall hanger where my razor is kept. Then there was one peeking out from under the cap of Evan's face wash. I saw one on the wall really high up above the shower, and there was one trying to swim away from the current that was the tub drain. I was mortified. I felt like I was taking a shower in mortal peril. I was so happy to get out and wrap up in my soft towels UNTIL I found one IN MY FREAKING TOWEL! Ahhh!

So then After brushing my teeth, I went to use mouthwash and there was on UNDER THE LID and I almost drank the sick bastard. I washed him down the sink and closed the stopper in case he tried to crawl back up. I have finally made myself start grabbing them with toilet paper and flushing them, which is new because I was always sure that TP wasn't strong enough and their pinchers would fight through and TOUCH me. Two days ago there was one in the container that holds our toothbrushes and I almost went withouth brushing just as a precaution. Now I inspect my toothbrush and rinse it super thoroughly before each use.

Last week I had the sudden horrific image of them in the baby's room. In the crib, Crawling towards little unprotected and unknowing ears and tiny helpless limbs. It gave me the heeby-jeebies and I had to call the bug sprayer guy and beg him to come spray inside. He came last Monday, and I SAW him spray but I'll be damned if those things haven't died. I've been on a mission. Whenever I sit down to go pee I check in the toilet, around the toilet, under the seat, etc. But it never fails that the second I sit down to pee I see one on the shower curtain, or one menacingly close on the bathroom rug. I suck my feet in under me and pin my arms to my sides and hope it doesn't get close. If it starts my way I will start rapidly balling up a wad of toilet paper so that I can grab it before it gets too close. Although in my mind, if it's within arm's reach, it's already too close. Over the weekend I have been telling myself (in the most Buddhist way possible) that earwigs are creatures of god (not that this has stopped me before) and that they have feelings too. that they have families to go home to and all that crap.... but I just don't buy it.

**footnote**
when seeing the pictures of an earwig online to put in this post, I had to tuck my feet up underneath me on the couch lest an earwig crawl out from some scary crevice and try to climb my leg.