Sunday, November 18, 2007

My Little Ham in the Crock-Pot of my Dreams!

Well, a nice weekend is almost over. I can't believe that it's already almost Thanksgiving! And my Birthday! And that I will be going back to work in 3 weeks. That seems SO imminent now.

Saturday was a pretty nice day, I went to my card class, toting two dishes to pass, and made my cards. It was nice, and the only strange thing was my almost choking on a chicken bone that was in some chicken tortellini soup someone had made. It made me all depressed and worried because of course I took it to the fullest I could and thought of how horrible it would be to die in someone's basement while choking on a chicken bone and leaving behind your husband and 2 month old daughter. Morbid. SO I didn't want to finish my soup but I did. To be nice and all.

Ardyn was fussy while I was gone but so glad to see me return. She just wasn't feeling well still, and I could tell because she just wanted to be held (more than usual) and didn't even want to pick up her head and look around while on my shoulder, instead, she just lay her cheek on my shoulder and relaxed, for hours and hours all afternoon and evening. She would eat, and lay on my shoulder. No fever or anything, but her tummy was upset and she was burping and farting and spitting up and having explosively poopy diapers. Poor thing.

Saturday night we all went to Josh and Lisa's as they had tons of food and wild game. Danny fried up dove, deer, and duck, and they grilled duck and deer also. They also deep fried a turkey. There were baked potatoes, beans, green bean casserole, and little weenies. And Linda made some crazy good macadamia nut cookies that I couldn't stay out of. Lisa's parents dad and his wife were also there, just back from Safari in Africa. They had lots of good stories about playing golf on the equator, and the tents they stayed in that had marble bathrooms and ceramic tile floors. Crazy!Today was spent cleaning. Picking up that is, and running the dishwasher and doing laundry. Putting laundry away. Also doing things like packing away Ardyn's first pair of tiny jeans and her little newborn hoodies. I also folded up and packed the co-sleeper, and it was all kinda melancholy. You moms know how it is. So excited to be seeing her grown and change. So sad to realize that she's not so small anymore and that she is outgrowing things already. It really makes returning to work even harder. I was excited about it, but as it gets closer I feel myself getting a little more worried. Not about Ardyn, I know she will be fine, but about me. It's been more than 3 months since I have been at work, and more than 4 months since I was full time. So even though I am not going back at full time, I feel lots of pressure to remember how to do things. I also worry about keeping up with everything, work, home, family, and even having enough quality time with Ardyn... but still being able to relax and enjoy life and hopefully even get in a few hobbies here and there. I feel like it's thinking of the impossible, and the fact that I am even attempting it is kinda scary.

I am crazy good at multitasking, but when Ardyn is my top priority, over myself, over my work, over the condition of my house, it makes it harder, because multitasking doesn't mean much when you want to make sure you are spending time with your child. Several weeks ago, when she was just starting to smile, she did most of her smiling in the morning. Giggling and smiling and making faces when she woke up each day, I found it really important to devote an hour to her each morning, and I don't mean while feeding, changing, or dressing her. I mean when all of those tasks were put aside, just spending time with her, making her laugh and enjoying every minute of it. Just she and I sitting in the glider in her bedroom. And I had a bit of panic about how in the world it would be possible for me to get up, get myself ready, get her ready, have my breastpump ready and her diaper bag ready (which I do plan on the night before) and feed her, eat breakfast myself, and get to daycare and then work... AND spend an hour with her just enjoying her. Well, I was really upset by the thought of losing that time. But as she grew more, and started smiling all day long and giggling and playing all the time instead of just in the morning, I started to relax an realize that I could still have that hour with her, and it could be before bed. Not a huge deal. But little changes like that will be the hardest on me.

So, off I go to finish up around here and grab a bite to eat. I have tiny jeans to pack away and beds to make and laundry to finish... and 10 packages to ready for the mail tomorrow (ebay sales) as well as some Tivo to maybe catch up on. Tomorrow we are going grocery shopping for our ingredients for Thanksgiving.
I will leave you with photos of Ardyn in my NEW fabulous crock pot! Evan's parents bought this for me as my birthday/Christmas present. I love love love it and it will certainly make going back to work more fun. It's programmable and has an auto-warm feature, as well as a meat probe thermometer and a hinged lid so that you can just lift and serve without looking for the safest place to sit the lid. That's always been my pet peeve, and I would feel horrible if I ever broke someone else's crock-pot lid. I have broken a lid and crock of my own, and I know that I cried.

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