Parents Magazine is really Pissing me off.

Well, I just have to get this off my chest. It's my blog, and it's what I do. If it bugs me, I talk about it (to a degree :)

I got my newest issue of Parent's magazine. Tonight I decided to flip through it after the kids went to bed. I can say that usually I like the craft ideas, and their information on new children's products. This issue, unfortunately, was not only disappointing, but frustrating, and to the point of making me question WHY I have a subscription (Oh yeah, cuz it's free. That's why.)

The first thing that made me angry was the special "cover" that unfolded to show you the "Health Pledge" that included ten items that I am supposed to "make a priority" in order to keep my kids healthy. If I write them all here, they will probably sue me or something..... but let me just briefly mention a few. #7 "Handwashing will be a house rule- before eating, after using the bathroom, or sneezing without a tissue- and I'll make sure kids can reach the sink, and soap.

*sigh* I agree with handwashing. Especially after using the bathroom. Or doing something "germy." I try to remeber to have Ardyn wash her hands before eating, but honestly, I don't always remember. And if you have a potty training toddler, and she goes pee EVERY 30-60 minutes, and you wash her hands after every potty break, that's an average of 12-24 handwashings in an 8 hour period. Add in before three meals and two snacks, and that's 17-29 times in 8 hours. Add in EVERY TIME SHE SNEEZES WITHOUT A KLEENEX? Seriously? She's two, not thirty-two. Her hands will have no SKIN on them if we wash them anymore. And I still say, there is SOMETHING to be said for germs that are beneficial. The overuse of antibacterial hand soaps is a major issue and I am frustrated by this whole handwashing every time you sneeze scenario. Not to mention, that just because she SNEEZES doesn't mean that I am there to see it. I might be, in the bathroom myself! Folding laundry in an adjoining room! Changing her brother's diaper! *gasp!* What a horrid mom I am! Grrrrrr. Why couldn't they just say "practice good handwashing." PERIOD. And then there's the whole "keep the soap and sink accessible." Right. Because every mother of a two year old wants them to be able to get handsoap out themselves. In case the Dora Doll needs a bath. or the walls need washed. Or for any other given "toddler" reasoning. Do they WRITE these things for REAL parents?

#9. "We'll play outside EVERY DAY, even if it means stomping in puddles." Again. For real? Do these people live in Florida? California? Every day? Like windchills of -15 and snowdrifts as high as my waist? Like "It took me 49 minutes to get the kids dressed and then one was hysterical and the other one had to pee."??? I am all for playing outside, and for getting fresh air. But what they are saying here is NOT realistic. We do NOT play outside every day. We don't. And they are still healthy. If it's nice outside, we try to play, or even go for a walk. But what about climates that don't allow for every day? How about encouraging exercise in general? Indoor activities? Yoga for kids? mini-trampoline? Hide and Seek? REALISTIC! How about an article that gives advice on exercise ideas for children when you CAN'T go outside. Now THAT is realistic! Something a real family could USE!

Last but not least, #10. "No matter how much they beg, I will not allow my children to have a TV in their bedroom." Okay, this I can understand. But it still makes me angry. If a child has TV in their room, they aren't healthy? Really? So if I put a TV in my child's room, and regulate what they can watch and when they can watch it, I'm a bad parent? It's not like my two year old has Pay-per-view. But if she wants to watch Dora or Sesame Street or Little Einsteins.... why can't she watch it in her room, where all her toys are, instead of dragging everything out to the living room and making EVERYONE in the house watch whatever show she wants to watch, even if it's the same episode of Dora that she's seen over and over but she LOVES to count to ten in Spanish? *EVIL!* Do not allow your children to speak spanish! No! Don't allow them to learn ANYTHING from a television! It's EVIL! I think that the majority of parents are adults and are able to make healthy decisions about what their kids watch and how much they watch. I know there is all this advice about how kids under 3 years of age shouldn't EVER watch TV. It stunts their growth or makes their head spin or something, I'm sure. But when my 2 year old can count to 10 in spanish, and very fluently says "Vamanos, Gracias, Delicioso, De Nada, Brinca, Ayudame, buenos noches" in perfect context and pronunciation.... I am proud! These are not things that I could have taught her myself, at least not CORRECTLY, but now we both know more Spanish!

Okay. Off that little soapbox, but about to take a step higher and delve deeper into this issue. Which, by the way, is so full of ADVERTISEMENTS it might as well be a TV Show. They talk of new products, and the new MAM Training toothbrush caught my eye. $4 at thesoftlanding.com - but when I got to the website it's $5.99, and it retails everywhere else for like $9-12.00 plus shippping. That's accurate information.

An article about how much Bribing is going to hurt my child in the long run. It's going to make her expect rewards for regular behavior. But I pottty trained her for a long time and didn't get "finished" until I offered her skittles and smarties for #1 and Dum-Dum suckers for #2. Less than 2 weeks later, fully potty trained. But I am pretty worried she is scarred for life. When she's 14 she won't go poop in the potty without a reward. WHAT have I DONE?!?!?!

An article on finding the right birth control for you, which gives the same generic information that we've been given since Freshman Year HEALTH CLASS. No information on side effects or lasting issues that can come with birth control options, especially with hormonal types. Nothing new. Nothing that most women don't already KNOW. Something tells me that every person who has HAD a baby, has had plenty of chance to learn about birth control. Assuming, that is, that they are having sex.... since having children is the best birth control method that I know. (Why didn't they put THAT in the article?)

After that is a very frightening and eye catching article about choking hazards. It is introduced with a very bright and in your face two-page spread, that really got my attention: a photograph that looks much like an "I Spy" Book, and shows colorful things like Jelly Beans, toothpicks, pushpins, nails, screws, dimes, balloons, rings, plastic army men, jacks, gummy bears, life savers, paperclips, and legos. We know about choking hazards. We are PARENTS. (hence the name "Parents" Magazine, eh?) I like that they talk about first aid, and trying to determine if your child has swallowed something. It makes sense. But I have to say that in life, the whole "choking hazard" thing can seriously give you a complex. EVERYTHING is a choking hazard. Everything must be LABELED a choking hazard. If my 6 month old got ahold of a screwdriver, he could disassemble the TV Remote that he likes to chew on and everything inside would be a CHOKING HAZARD! If he could just figure out how to get the keys off my key ring.... CHOKING HAZARD! Everything in my HOUSE is a choking hazard. This whole universe is a choking hazard. The best I can do, is try to keep small things out of their reach, away from my floors, and supervise them. I can try to teach them that we don't put things in our mouths, and try to teach Ardyn not to put anything in Marek's mouth. What bothers me, is that despite my best efforts, there is a chance that one of my kids could stick something up their nose, or choke on something. But an ACCIDENT does not make me a bad mom. But constantly hearing about how the whole world is laden with choking hazards might just put me in a padded room with some Xanax. Is it no wonder that as mother's we have So much Anxiety? Every toy that is marked to me is a "choking hazard." "Small Parts, Not for Children under 3 Years of Age" might as well be an acronym. SPNFCU3YOA - It's EVERYWHERE. It's overwhelming. (But, I must admit, this is at no fault of Parent's Magazine :)

But right AFTER this huge scary article about Choking Hazards, was a big article about moms "not sweating the small stuff" with their little kids. It talks about not worrying about whether your child is eating enough, sleeping properly, crying too much, etc. So in one place they are trying to scare the crap out of mom's with choking hazards, and in another, they are telling moms not to be anxious or worry over small stuff. Ha. Ha ha hahaha!

BUT the last article that really made me ANGRY. "Playdates with Cocktails." Yeah. you know, we are all drunks. Playdates are really just an excuse for us Mom's to get all sloshed and misplace our offspring. Let it be known, for the record, that I do not drink. I have never been *drunk* (legally or otherwise) in my entire life. I have never had more than 3 drinks in a 24 hour period in my entire life. I hate the taste of beer and only like a few wines and a few mixed drinks. I don't like to be out of control. That's just my choice, and my personal preference. Last weekend I had the first drink (an Amaretto and Coke) that I have had in.... hmmm..... 1 year and 11 months exactly. Yep. I had my first ever drink since Thanksgiving Evening of 2007, when I had 1/2 of a glass of white wine with my dinner. And before that 1/2 glass of wine, I hadn't had a drink since.... August of 2006. So that means that in the past 3 years and almost 3 months, I have had exactly 1.5 drinks. Yep. Dead Serious.

The reason that I point this out, is because the "statistic" that they used in this article is as follows "A 2009 Survey by The US Dept of Health and Human Services found that 55% of women with a child as young as 15 months old had at least ONE Drink in the past month, while 63% of those without children did." Okay. What. The. F*&@$%)! does that have to do with mom's drinking on playdates? By this statistic, I (who has had 1 drink this month, and has a 7 month old child) am a statistic, that is supposed to be supporting an article about moms drinking at playdates? Seriously? I, the mom who has had 1.5 drinks in the past 3+ years, am a bad mommy!

This article pissed me off so badly. Where are all the statistics in this article about the FATHERS of children? Where are all the statistics about Fathers who can drink whatever, whenever, and leave their wives or partners to be the responsible ones? Where are the statistics that show that thousands and millions of moms all over the world are getting DRUNK and that their judgement is impaired and that children are being injured and neglected as a result? The fact is, there ARE NOT ANY. And then there is the quote from an article in a Texas newspaper "If you're the primary caregiver, I don't think you should be drinking." Um. If I am the primary caregiver, I should NEVER Drink? If I am the primary caregiver I should not drink while I am responsible for the kids? I don't know what she means. The article says "for every mom who is affronted by the accusation that she can't care for her kids after a single, legal, adult beverage, there's one who's aghast at the notion of sipping a martini while her kids are slurping juice boxes." Um Yeah. So what. Just because I don't drink, doesn't mean that I would be judging a mom who has A DRINK when around her children. Now being drunk, or driving when drinking, are different instances altogether, But we aren't talking about being DRUNK. We aren't talking about DRUNK DRIVING either. We are talking about having "A Drink."

The article pointedly mentions the GROWTH of the Facebook group "OMG I So need a glass of wine or I am going to sell my kids!" and I actually laughed out loud and thought that I should join that group. that is comical! Seriously people, it's a JOKE. it's a joke about how HARD it is to take care of small children! It's a joke that I often say out loud and to my husband "Now I know why mom's DRINK!" I'm not an alcoholic! I'm not an unfit parent. If I DID Choose to have a glass of wine, I would still be able to care for my kids. In that same Texas newspaper article, the author talks about having seen a group of moms have wine with their lunch and then go pick up their kids. Seriously-- If they had a glass of wine with their lunch.... then they are now "bad moms?" I tell you, if I had lunch at Olive Garden, I would LOVE to have a glass of wine and a delicious indulgent dessert. I could still DRIVE (both legally AND Safely) and I could certainly be responsible for my children if that was my choice. I am not condoning drinking and driving with children (or at all) but seriously, this sounds like an accusation being thrown from a high horse! The article also talks about how if you do an online search you will find a recipe for Coffee and Kahlua that will "cut the edge after a long day of chores." SO. WHAT.

The part that I thought was interesting, was the statement "Are today's mothers really heavier drinkers- or are they just more open about it?" Um.... have you heard of the 70's? LOL. When no one "knew" that you shouldn't smoke and drink while pregnant? (at least that's what the drunk and smoking moms say in their defense, LOL.)

Seriously, I think that this issue of Parents is a little disgusting. It's a little too preachy, judgmental and mainstream. And seriously, does it take a rocket scientist or a magazine article to tell a parent that if your 4 year old wants to buckle their own booster seat, it's a good idea to check and make sure they have done it correctly?

What is this world coming to?