Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I've been Mis-Diagnosed!

I am so relieved. My mental illness has FINALLY been properly diagnosed. All these years I have lived in fear, thinking that I have OCD. It's actually NOT OCD that I suffer from, on the contrary, it's an often un-recognized disease that seems to mostly affect stay-at-home moms across the country. Really across the world. I don't know how it took so long to diagnose! I have OCU! That's right! COMPLETELY different from OCD! Yet the effects of OCU can often lead you to THINK that you have OCD! The confusion is understandable. OCU is the Overwhelming Choking Urge. Get your minds out of the gutter folks. It's that daily inner struggle that I fight.... the overwhelming urge to choke someone. Really they considered calling it OSU, but they didn't want to get it confused with Ohio State, which we all know is a very peaceful and non-violent school....just ask the wimpy OSU graduates you know (oh! BURN! JP are you hearing this?!)

Really, over the years, I am coming to realize that I am just fighting a losing battle. the OCU is not going to go away. Allow me to give you a few examples.... causes if you will... of this dreaded disease.

1. CAUSE: *someone* drinks the last 7-up in the fridge. They do NOT replace it with the brand new case of 7-up that is on the back porch that was supposed to be carried down to the basement fridge three days ago. They also put the empty cardboard carton on the basement floor next to the fridge... not in the recycle pile. EFFECT: When I decided that I can have my pop of the day, I get to the fridge and there is none. I have to go back up the stairs, get the case off the porch, take it down, put it in the fridge, and then take the empty cardboard back up to the recycle. Resulting in.... OCU.... the overwhelming urge to choke *someone!*

2. CAUSE: *someone* leaves the toilet paper roll on the side of the sink. *someone else* goes in to wash their hands and gets water ALL OVER the vanity surface, resulting in a pool that the toilet paper roll then soaks up like a wick. EFFECT: I have to pee. I finally find a second to run to the bathroom (most likely about 3 hours after I first recognize that I need to go) and when I need to wipe, the entire bottom half of the toilet paper is wrinkly and wet, resulting in .... OCU.... the overwhelming urge to choke *someone!*

Do you see where this is going? To an outside observer, this looks like classic OCD. I am cranky because the toilet paper roll wasn't where I wanted it to be. I am cranky because the pop isn't where I wanted it to be. This just means that I have a problem, Right? I want things my way? I want things put back in the place and manner that I have designated, for what appears to be no apparent reason except for the fact that I want things MY way? Right? WRONG. What we really have here is a mis-diagnosis. Classic, really. It's underlying OCU causing all the problems. It's the people in the house not being considerate of others. It starts small, and manifests into a huge huge huge issue, not to be ignored.

More examples....
If you are responsible for the children, and take them off with you, the honorable thing to do when you get home? remove the dirty diapers from the diaper bag and put them in the diaper pail. Rocket Science? I think not. This is just something that us moms know how to do. It's something that anyone CAN do. But when you don't do it, and we find them two days later, usually just AFTER we washed diapers, and the whole diaper bag stinks.... well, that causes OCU. Same thing with rinsing out bottles of milk or sippy cups. Not rocket science.

If you pee your pants, and you take yourself to the potty and wipe and close the lid and flush... can't you handle putting the wet panties in the hamper? Not rocket science. You've been taught. When someone's watching you do this, you automatically put them in the hamper like it's nothing. I know you're three, but stepping on wet underwear in random locations is not my idea of a good time.

Okay, I am ranting now. I just plain look like a complainer. But I just want you to know that the reason I feel overwhelmed and can't even accomplish my everyday tasks is directly related to OCU.... and the overwhelming urge to choke you when you constantly don't follow through and I am constantly picking up after you and getting sidetracked. THAT is why it's so hard to focus. It has nothing to do with Facebook. Or Foursquare. Or text messaging.

Now What was I doing again!??

1 comment:

Desiree said...

I finally got some time to catch up on your blog. I love this post!!! I think it might work for prosecutors as well. I'm not saying that I would actually choke a defense attorney, but...
Then, I come home to an extremely messy house. And, a whole lot of cleaning, home improvements, etc. need to be done. And, I want to choke someone. It's really a never ending cycle.

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