Saturday, September 19, 2009

They might be trying to take me down....

It's interesting how blogging is much like therapy. When I start to feel overwhelmed, or even when I am extremely happy, I always want to blog. Lately I have been trying to get here for what seems like WEEKS. I think of so many crazy things that I need to blog and I just can't GET here. I feel that I should be folding the pile of laundry on the loveseat, and the pile of diapers beneath that, but at the same time I know all the things I accomplished today should allow me to at least do this before I hit the pillow. But, I digress.

One thing that I have noticed lately is a wide wide range of emotions on my part. Maybe it's hormones. maybe it's the nature of having two small kids that can fill your heart with such joy and overwhelming love one second, and make you want to pull your hair out literally the very next second. It truly is a roller coaster ride. I think that lately I have been very sensitive to the huge ranges of highs and lows that are happening around here. The first thing that I will comment on is the Mirena. Boys, just go away now. This here is girl talk and it's about to get personal. Yep. And I am going to post it on the internet. And I don't give a shit who reads it. I just have to spit it all out.

The mirena is a wonderful thing. But I think it's still jacking with me. When you first have it "installed" you get the crazy 6 weeks (or longer, 6 months) of spotting. I had pretty consistent spotting for probably 4 months. And I mean just about every day. And then, I had a real period. Now, let's just say, for the record, that post-birth control, pre-mirena, my periods were light, happy occasions that lasted EXACTLY three days. And the Mirena touts that it may make your periods less heavy and even SHORTER and I think to myself "this is gonna be amazing!" and then.... No. Not me. I have Twelve day periods. Like three days of spotting, and then 5 days of bleeding, and then 4 more days of spotting. Seriously? No wonder I might get a little cranky. Then this month, I started to feel some cramps. I was like "Hmmm, must be my period coming" and I check the calendar and sure enough it's time again, and since Marek is consistently sleeping like 12 hours, It's a normal thing for me when I am breastfeeding to have a regular period once that has been going on for a while. So, sure enough the spotting starts, and I think "well, here we go again" and I have this insanely hormonal day where I am just getting all teary eyed one moment and then the next I want to choke the life out of someone, and then.... just that one day of spotting. And now, it's been a week, and no more spotting or sign of a period in any way, except that I am feeling so cranky and overwhelmed yet incredibly emotional and happy and I just don't GET it. I think that perhaps the Mirena is trying to kill me slowly. Or maybe that's just my overly hormonal self being slightly paranoid.

But another good example of a roller coaster would be this past week. Let's just start with today and work backwards, because I can remember today, and I am not sure about before that. (seriously, I am getting bad about that! How am I going to keep track of their childhood's if I can't even remember what happened YESTERDAY?!) Today was officially day "6" of Ardyn being in big girl underwear. She had two accidents. One when she was with daddy outside. Another, right before lunch. Oh and then there was the accident tonight, but wait a minute for that story. The kids slept late today. LATE Being 8am. Yes, they are trying to kill me. My morning wake-up has been coming between 7-7:30 each day. Blame Ardyn, because Marek would literally wake up and eat and go back to bed until 10am or 11, which was extremely evident when Ardyn was gone for two Saturday's in a row to spend the night at the outlaws' house. Because we DID sleep till 11am. Marek and I were in BLISS without the terror of the house waking us at the crack of dawn.

So, They slept "late" - although I went to sleep at 1:30am and was awakened at 4:30 (you know, that time in your sleep cycle when you might as well be drugged because you are sleeping so hard that you are drooling and you wonder "How long HAS that baby been crying" and you still can't make any part of your body move because you can't physically wake up? Yep, that's when he was waking me up.) by Marek, who was for some reason NOT putting himself back to sleep, and so I crept in to get him, feed him, and then he cuddled up with me and slept till Ardyn barged in. So, started out with the morning potty routine where we change her from Pull up to panties, and go potty, and decided that she could use a bath. While she was bathing I picked up in the bathroom, and vacuumed the bathroom, and then after bathtime I got both kids dressed. Then I vacuumed her bedroom and then the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then Evan made us breakfast (which by now was more like brunch) and Marek was exhausted (because he would have still been sleeping if he was in charge) and so he took a nice long nap in his room while I did laundry and stripped out bed and washed everything. Then I sent Ardyn outside to play in the yard while Evan spread mulch. (more on the yard story in a bit) So I intended to mop the floors while she was outside, but I kept getting called OUTSIDE to look at this, or give my opinion on that, or "look what Ardyn's is doing" and that's how I got a good insight into why Ardyn was COVERED with dirt, was ROLLING in the freshly spread mulch, had EATEN the mulch, and also why I went out and stripped her down naked on the new patio while Daddy hosed her with the garden hose and I used a washcloth to wipe her down and then wrapped her in a towel before letting her back into my freshly mopped house with fresh bed linens. Oy. Why did I give her a bath this morning? Jeez.

So anyway, I got the floors mopped. And then I was SO EXHAUSTED. It started to hit me about 12:30, and I couldn't figure out who was goinng to pass out first, Ardyn or Me. Problem being, Marek had JUST taken like a two hour nap from 10am till noon, so no WAY was he going to sleep. But I had a feeling that if I could JUST make it till about 2:30, he would be ready. Of course Ardyn was rubbing her eyes and all that, so I was hoping I could keep her awake for 2.5 hours, because if she napped and Marek didn't, that meant no nap for ME! Ahhhhh!

So I did laundry, and put the sheets back on our bed, and had packaged up a couple of my eBay sales and paid for online postage and put them in the mailbox, and then FINALLY, I could see Marek getting tired. It was 1:45 and We all three climbed into my bed. Ardyn was reading the "Birds of Illinois Field Guide" and pointing out different birds to me. Finally I told her "we have to put the book down" and she fought. I took it away and didn't even get turned around and she was passed out. But Marek, on the other hand, has this whole new "I'm so tired but I won't just sleep" thing that he does, which is IDENTICAL to the way Ardyn has been from day 1. I have to put him on his side in my arms, with the pacifier and the blankie, and shush and sway and pace and hold his arms away from his face.... and so while Ardyn slept in my bed through ALL of his screaming, and I just wanted to collapse, this is what I did. Finally he fell asleep and I lay him between Ardyn and I, and we slept for TWO HOURS. Thank God. But then I woke up with a headache. Ugh.

So Evan came home from Menard's (he took back the mulch we hadn't used) and we all got ready to go to supper at Kelly's Place. We were going to have family style.

I fed Marek right before we walked out the door, and when we got there, all was well. Ardyn had been having a few issues with listening today (okay, alot of issues) and had several time outs and about 5 bazillion instances of "counting to three" before a potential time out, and so we were a little wary of how supper would be. Well, it was not good. Evan got his salad bar and Ardyn's salad bar. Then I went to get mine and when I got back, I find that Ardyn had tried to shove a whole baby carrot in her mouth and swallow it whole, and proceeded to choke, gag, and puke all down the front of her dress, her tights, and her boots (suede. Yep) and then all over and BETWEEN the two tables that were pushed together in front of her. Well, needless to say she lost her appetite. And I had to go outside to get baby wipes and clean her all up. Then Evan took her outside because she wouldn't SIT in her chair, and it was a combination time-out/attitude adjustment and distraction while we waited for our food. Then Marek proceeded to scream until I had to hold him AND walk with him, because he was hitting that tired point again but wouldn't just let GO and sleep. That was about the time that Evan came in and told me that Ardyn had just peed all over him and herself. Yeah. So out he goes with her and changes her entire outfit, which has now been puked on and peed in. And his shirt is soaked. And so he comes back in with her, and she is all dramatic about everything from the position of her plate to the buckle in the high chair. Poor Marek won't calm down and my food is in front of me but I can't EAT it. So I ended up knowing that he was just exhausted and his teeth are really bugging him, so he wanted to eat and I knew it would resolve all his issues, so while Evan and Ardyn ate, I ended up breastfeeding him into oblivion. Then Evan took him and Marek was passed out cold on daddy's shoulder while I ate and Ardyn screamed about wanting to get DOWN and how she was DONE. Ugh. After loading us all up, we headed home and I put the kids to bed. Talk about a crazy ass day.

It amazes me that there are now so many moments when I feel like things are really falling into place and getting easier, and as soon as I almost say that out loud to someone, it all goes to shit in about 20 minutes and I think "WHAT was I THINKING?!" and then it starts that same cycle all over again. At least now that there is a "break" in the band, I have Evan here and he is being much more helpful and we are able to tackle things as a team. I think THAT is what makes it easier. And also the fact that Marek is on a very predictable schedule (his own doing I believe) and that I am supremely in-tuned to what he needs at every moment, and perhaps even before he actually starts to show me what he needs. It's amazing really.

Right now I have about a bazillion projects in my mind, that i desperately need a break in order to accomplish. I want to clean out the linen closet. and it hasn't been done since right before Ardyn was born and I NEED to do it. So I need someone to hold my kids and take them away for like 3 hours so I can do that. I need to clean out both freezers and pitch expired and old stuff. Another 2 hours. I need to pack up all Marek's 3-6 month clothes, and pull out all the new size and wash and put them all away. Another 2-3 hours. I need to put away his old pacifiers and bring out the new ones. I need to wipe down baseboards and the ledges on my paneled doors. I need to wash windows. I need to clean and dust under my bed. I need to rotate our mattress and put the bedskirt back on. I need to clean the back porch. These are things that just can NOT be done without someone watching my kids for a while.

Another strange roller-coaster thing lately, is that I am even more spacey when it comes to projects. It seems like maybe I get bored easily? But I can't really say I feel bored. One week I am a sewing madwoman, and then.... nope. Don't care. And then i am needlefelting and loving it and then. Nope. Don't care. And then I am crocheting and it's insanity and then.... You guessed it. Nope. Don't care. Last week was organizing. This week its been cleaning. Ugh. What makes me that way?

Well, I have a ton more to say, but I am fastly fading and I know it's almost midnight and my wakeup call will be coming sooner than later, so I hope to get back here tomorrow and finish this up. Hope this finds everyone well and that I make it through the stress of potty training and cleaning and all that jazz.

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