You know, sometimes reality really sucks.
That's stating the obvious now, isn't it?
Tonight I am trying to pick up my disaster of a house. It's not pretty. I thought I was going to get SO much done this weekend. Heh. It MIGHT have something to do with the 13.5 hours that I spent reading the vampire books. But reading those books and feeling such strong emotions just reminds me how everyday life can be a total drag. And it reminds me of how much it can also be so very dramatic.
In books and movies, the characters often talk about the hole that's left behind when someone you love leaves you. And that is something that I have felt before. I think that's something that we have almost all felt before. Everyone responds to that feeling differently. I tend to shut down. I don't eat. I don't do much of anything. I go all zombie. One foot in front of the other. When I went through times like that in my life, I remember literally trying to "sleep it off" because that's the only time that I didn't hurt. Now granted, there are such things as nightmares, but I have always been more the type to have dreams of the reality that I wish I was having. Dreams of feeling whole again, and happy.
I remember that feeling, like you might just die. Where it physically hurts. When everywhere you turn, you are reminded of the person that you are missing. I don't know what is worse, losing someone that you love, or having someone that you love die. I have been lucky enough to not have very many people close to me die. I can't even fathom it. What's worse? Knowing that someone that you care about is out there leading their life and they don't want you anymore, or knowing that you can never see them again and they DID want you? I can't even imagine.
A friend of mine recently made a comment about new love. She got a wistful look in her eyes and mentioned how sweet the feeling of new love is. I remember that feeling too. After 10 years with my husband, It's hard to fathom that feeling of new love. We are so in tuned with each other that we know what the other is thinking. We know what will happen next. There is nothing that can compare to that familiarity. When the other person knows what you are thinking and feeling. Knows what music you want to hear, and what food you want for dinner. That person that knows so much about you that you start to feel like that's the way life will be forever.
What scares me more than the loss of a person who you loved once in your life, for a fleeting but powerful amount of time, is the potential of losing someone with whom you have gained so much more familiarity, or with whom you have a relationship so powerful that you take it for granted every single day, even when you don't mean to. We all have fears. I don't like flying. I don't like water. But you know, my biggest fear of all is losing someone so incredibly close to me that I can't imagine life without them.
The best friends that you met in kindergarden. Your parents. A sibling. The love of your life. Just the thought of that, the honest thought of "what if" I never see this person ever again.... it just about tears me in two. That handful of people that are your world. And I can feel the overwhelming gaping hole, rough around the edges, that makes you gasp for breath, that puts a huge weight on your chest, and starts the tears rolling silently down your face. I think of the "what if" and I envision it at different stages of my life. I think "what if" something happens and we never get to have kids together. I think "what if" my husband leaves me with small children. "what if" he leaves me when my kids are grown. "what if" I am 60, or 70, or 80. When would that "what if" ever be okay. When would I EVER be able to deal with it. When would it be harder, or easier, for me to lose someone that close to me? Never. The answer is never. It's never going to be okay. I am never going to be okay without him.
My husband always says I worry too much. He always says "I won't ever leave you." and I know that's a promise that a person can't make. I know that the world and life itself is out of his control... and is out of everyone's control. Some people turn to "faith" and turn to an afterlife to get them through thoughts like that. But I have to honestly tell you, it's not the afterlife that worries me. It's life right here on earth without that person. It's the thought of waking up alone in the morning. It's the thought of having no one to curl up on the couch with. No one to take for granted. It's not having to move his deoderant out from in front of your face wash every morning. It's not knocking his toothbrush out of the holder every time you reach for yours. It's the thought of no wedding ring on my finger. Of no one to kiss me goodbye in the morning. It terrifies me. It's almost crippling. Those are the kinds of things that I think about every day. The things that start to make me feel like something is crushing my chest and tearing my heart out. And I know that someday that will happen to me. Someday I will feel that feeling again, with more force than I have ever felt it before. And when I thought I would almost die the first time, with a relationship that in the end turned out to be insignificant and small... what would a real loss do to me? It makes me shudder.
It amazes me that not everyone thinks like this. And I think to myself, why do I have to be this incredibly sensitive person who thinks of things like this? Am I living my life to the fullest, or am I just being stressed and drug down by the weight of the fear of losing someone? Am I too passionate? Too dependent on the relationships that I have with others? Why am I not able to distance myself from these thoughts, from this anxiety that I feel everytime my husband gets on a plane, every time his car pulls out of the driveway? What is wrong with me? Why do I see the dark side? Why do I stress out so much about the end? Sometimes I think to myself, wow, in two years I will be 30. Assuming that I live to the ripe age of 90, my life is 1/3 over. That always makes Evan laugh. He says I am melodramatic. He says I should show some optimism.
When I was a junior in high school, my english teacher had a conversation with me once about romaticism. About going through life with "rose colored glasses." She told me that I am a helpless romantic. And she hinted towards how painful that can be in live. She said the worse part of life would be when those rose colored glasses came off. And when it happened, all I could think about was what she had said. And I started to think that if I just never put them back on, I would be able to protect myself. And I tried it for a while. But somewhere along the way I would put them back on, almost by accident, like my future was shining so bright I needed them- and then someone would always succeeed to knock them off. To screw me over. Basically I would get royally fucked over and the glasses would come off and I would think "how did you NOT see that coming?" and then I would vow NEVER again would that happen. Never again would I not see it coming. And after a few times of "learning my lesson" after trusting someone completely, I started to rely more on the "look out for number 1" theory- and I do alot of thinking "what if?"
So how does one go through life without thinking "what if?" And I don't mean regret. I don't look back and say "what if." More often I think back and say thank GOD that didn't happen. Thank GOD that prayer wasn't answered. What happened was for the better. It was destiny. Fate. Right? So how do you look FORWARD and instead of thinking "what if" just think that it's fate or destiny, and whatever happens, happens. That there is no way to prepare yourself for the worst. How can you force yourself to wear those rose colored glasses when you know they will just get shattered time and time again?
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Read Read Read Read Read it!
I read the best book last night. I want to say "ever." Right there, I want to say "the best book ever" but I don't know if I can ever ever make that statement with a world full of books left unread, because I take that statement every seriously. And even though if I said "ever" you would roll your eyes, I would totally mean it. If it weren't for the books unread. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.
It all started at wal-mart yesterday, where I perused the book aisle as usual. The cover instantly caught my eye. (I know, I know.) Completely black with a small silver gothic looking title. twighlight. All lowercase. Pale smooth beautiful hands cradling a bright red apple. New York Times Bestseller. The reviews (amazon included) were AMAZING. It was like $6.00, in-expensive for a book that is 4 inches thick (literally!) I had to have it. Even if I just sat at home and stared at the cover. it was worth $6.
Last night around 9:53 I got back to Wyanet from dinner out with Heather. I threw on pajamas, and curled on the couch with the book. I didn't stop, not even to change laundry, until 4:30am. This book caused me pain and heartache. It was arousing and sensual. You know that tight feeling in your chest when you finish watching the notebook? I still have that tight feeling 5.5 hours of sleep later. It's like I can't focus on anything... and I want to run to Wal-mart and buy the second book NOW, in my pajamas, with my hair all sticking out and my eyes wild. I have NEVER been that drawn into a book. Never. Not DaVinci Code, not Wicked, Not Harry Potter.
It is a modern book but it has all the classic elements of books like Wuthering Heights and The Scarlet Letter. Lady Chatterly's Lover. This book is POWERFUL. It's sexual. It's romantic. And although it's about vampires, it is the most REALISTIC!
I am going to give you the most basic storyline I can, more than the book's monologue reveals, without spoiling the story. It's about a young woman who meets a young man. She is instantly drawn to him. He is exquisite. Like a Greek god. Pale Skin, Flashing eyes that change from gold to the blackest black. She has amazing poise. When she locks eyes with him, the look that he sends her gives her chills. He looks as though he hates her, although he has never met her before. It unsettles her and she is unexplainably drawn to him. He avoids her and then disappears for days and she can't figure out why she can't function because all she does is look for him. When he returns, he suddenly speaks to her and smiles at her and she is intranced. You could say love and fascination at first sight. But every time he physically gets too close to her, or if she brushes his hand, his eyes turn a deep black and flash with anger and he storms away. Then he saves her life (the first of MANY times that he tries to protect her.) But he saves her in a way that is IMPOSSIBLE for any human to do. It's then she knows, that he isn't human. When she questions him, he doesn't answer and tries to get away. But he can't help himself, he can't stay away from her. He is conflicted. He warns her to stay away from him.
The more she gets to know him, she uncovers that he is a vampire, but by then it's too late. She loves him so much that she doesn't care. Her life is in danger every moment she is with him, but it kills her to be away from him. His particular clan has discovered a way to control their hunger, and live among humans successfully without hunting them. But she is his greatest weakness, he could smell her the first time he saw her, and he wanted to bite her more than he had EVER wanted any human, but he was so attracted to her that he wanted to protect her. He had to protect her from himself. They fall in love. In over 100 years he has NEVER felt this strong for anyone. Finally, he doesn't have to be alone. But he can't get too close to her, because if he relaxes for just a second too long, he will kill the one thing that he loves the most. If another vampire doesn't get to her first.
Oh my god. It's the kind of book that sends chills down your spine. It makes you want to find your lover, cuddle up next to them without a word, and have them hold you. It makes you want to be with them and never let them out of your site. It makes you want to have sex, and it makes you want a vampire of your very own. And yes I am aware of how crazy I seem. Perhaps I have been bitten...
PS I knew when I read this that this book was SO excellent, there wasn't a chance that it would get away without becoming a movie. This had me so disappointed and upset that I was losing sleep. And sure enough, MTV has until April 2008 to purchase the rights as it has been optioned for a movie. And of course, the author mentions on her website, that she has no say in the people chosen to play the parts, and no say in anything about the movie, and it sickens me, to say the least, that a story so amazing will become commercialized and streamlined for the big screen.
UPDATE: This book has had a hold on me all day. I was all twitchy and nervous and couldn't function. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the "sequel"- book 2 "New Moon" and started reading it at around 1:30pm today. I didn't stop until 7pm, when I finished it. I am feeling much calmer and relaxed now... although the story is far from over (there are two more books in the making right now) The second book left me feeling more relaxed and calm and I am able to function again. I was telling husband about it this afternoon and I also started to feel much more relaxed when I was able to tell him that I love him and talk about the book a tiny bit.
It all started at wal-mart yesterday, where I perused the book aisle as usual. The cover instantly caught my eye. (I know, I know.) Completely black with a small silver gothic looking title. twighlight. All lowercase. Pale smooth beautiful hands cradling a bright red apple. New York Times Bestseller. The reviews (amazon included) were AMAZING. It was like $6.00, in-expensive for a book that is 4 inches thick (literally!) I had to have it. Even if I just sat at home and stared at the cover. it was worth $6.
Last night around 9:53 I got back to Wyanet from dinner out with Heather. I threw on pajamas, and curled on the couch with the book. I didn't stop, not even to change laundry, until 4:30am. This book caused me pain and heartache. It was arousing and sensual. You know that tight feeling in your chest when you finish watching the notebook? I still have that tight feeling 5.5 hours of sleep later. It's like I can't focus on anything... and I want to run to Wal-mart and buy the second book NOW, in my pajamas, with my hair all sticking out and my eyes wild. I have NEVER been that drawn into a book. Never. Not DaVinci Code, not Wicked, Not Harry Potter.
It is a modern book but it has all the classic elements of books like Wuthering Heights and The Scarlet Letter. Lady Chatterly's Lover. This book is POWERFUL. It's sexual. It's romantic. And although it's about vampires, it is the most REALISTIC!
I am going to give you the most basic storyline I can, more than the book's monologue reveals, without spoiling the story. It's about a young woman who meets a young man. She is instantly drawn to him. He is exquisite. Like a Greek god. Pale Skin, Flashing eyes that change from gold to the blackest black. She has amazing poise. When she locks eyes with him, the look that he sends her gives her chills. He looks as though he hates her, although he has never met her before. It unsettles her and she is unexplainably drawn to him. He avoids her and then disappears for days and she can't figure out why she can't function because all she does is look for him. When he returns, he suddenly speaks to her and smiles at her and she is intranced. You could say love and fascination at first sight. But every time he physically gets too close to her, or if she brushes his hand, his eyes turn a deep black and flash with anger and he storms away. Then he saves her life (the first of MANY times that he tries to protect her.) But he saves her in a way that is IMPOSSIBLE for any human to do. It's then she knows, that he isn't human. When she questions him, he doesn't answer and tries to get away. But he can't help himself, he can't stay away from her. He is conflicted. He warns her to stay away from him.
The more she gets to know him, she uncovers that he is a vampire, but by then it's too late. She loves him so much that she doesn't care. Her life is in danger every moment she is with him, but it kills her to be away from him. His particular clan has discovered a way to control their hunger, and live among humans successfully without hunting them. But she is his greatest weakness, he could smell her the first time he saw her, and he wanted to bite her more than he had EVER wanted any human, but he was so attracted to her that he wanted to protect her. He had to protect her from himself. They fall in love. In over 100 years he has NEVER felt this strong for anyone. Finally, he doesn't have to be alone. But he can't get too close to her, because if he relaxes for just a second too long, he will kill the one thing that he loves the most. If another vampire doesn't get to her first.
Oh my god. It's the kind of book that sends chills down your spine. It makes you want to find your lover, cuddle up next to them without a word, and have them hold you. It makes you want to be with them and never let them out of your site. It makes you want to have sex, and it makes you want a vampire of your very own. And yes I am aware of how crazy I seem. Perhaps I have been bitten...
PS I knew when I read this that this book was SO excellent, there wasn't a chance that it would get away without becoming a movie. This had me so disappointed and upset that I was losing sleep. And sure enough, MTV has until April 2008 to purchase the rights as it has been optioned for a movie. And of course, the author mentions on her website, that she has no say in the people chosen to play the parts, and no say in anything about the movie, and it sickens me, to say the least, that a story so amazing will become commercialized and streamlined for the big screen.
UPDATE: This book has had a hold on me all day. I was all twitchy and nervous and couldn't function. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the "sequel"- book 2 "New Moon" and started reading it at around 1:30pm today. I didn't stop until 7pm, when I finished it. I am feeling much calmer and relaxed now... although the story is far from over (there are two more books in the making right now) The second book left me feeling more relaxed and calm and I am able to function again. I was telling husband about it this afternoon and I also started to feel much more relaxed when I was able to tell him that I love him and talk about the book a tiny bit.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Today is My Friday!
Wearing: Old Navy Army Green Khakis, Camoflauge Chuck Taylor's, Eddie Bauer Fitted Brown Shirt with Eyelet Embroidery.
Link Of The Day: Cat Bowling Game
I am a grown up now. I own a coffee maker! I don't drink coffee, but last night husband and I bought a little coffee maker and some fresh ground Pumpkin Coffee. He really enjoyed it. My mom bitched that it was too bitter, so I told her to throw hers out, but Evan loved it. She looked at me like just because I don't DRINK coffee that I don't know how to make it... Pshaw. Whatever. I have been a SERIOUS Coffee bitch at two of my jobs. You don't just work at a grain elevator and not make 15 pots of coffee per day. I got so that I could even make the coffee based on who was hauling corn in and out for the day. I never let the coffee pot go dry. Those guys loved me. Whatever mom. Men Love my coffee. Husband loves my coffee. I am a hot coffee bitch.
I am soooo full. Don't you hate that? I almost never do that anymore, but today, I did. I am happy because today is my "friday" this week... although I am coming into work on Saturday for a little bit.
I am looking forward to this weekend, I will be enjoying some good quiet time in which I get to be very productive, working on crafts (ATC's and the "Sew My Name" Swap, and perhaps start the dollhouse) and also working on READING. If it were up to me, I could spend 5 hours a day reading and wouldn't even think twice about it. I plan on drinking lots of Tastefully Simple Chai Latte's, taking lots of bubble baths where I don't get out for HOURS, and perhaps I will even go sit in the hot tub every now and then. And I can watch porn. And I can run around in my pajamas. And I can do laundry and dishes and just plain ACCOMPLISH but RELAX at the same time. I got a new Yoga DVD and I plan on doing that too. I have lots of plans for the weekend, but none of them require me to go anywhere.
Today I signed up for the Flickr Colororiffic Swap-o-rama November Swap, the colors are apple creen, cotton candy pink, and burgundy. Ohhh yeah! I can't wait for that one! I also signed up for the "letter for me #7 swap" as I have participated in swaps #2-5.... but missed 6. AND I signed up for the Hometown Photography Swap. Now I am done. Signing up. I promise. I have to keep up with the three that I am late for! This Saturday I do plan on sending my fall swap (a little early, YEAH!) to Germany.
Link Of The Day: Cat Bowling Game
I am a grown up now. I own a coffee maker! I don't drink coffee, but last night husband and I bought a little coffee maker and some fresh ground Pumpkin Coffee. He really enjoyed it. My mom bitched that it was too bitter, so I told her to throw hers out, but Evan loved it. She looked at me like just because I don't DRINK coffee that I don't know how to make it... Pshaw. Whatever. I have been a SERIOUS Coffee bitch at two of my jobs. You don't just work at a grain elevator and not make 15 pots of coffee per day. I got so that I could even make the coffee based on who was hauling corn in and out for the day. I never let the coffee pot go dry. Those guys loved me. Whatever mom. Men Love my coffee. Husband loves my coffee. I am a hot coffee bitch.
I am soooo full. Don't you hate that? I almost never do that anymore, but today, I did. I am happy because today is my "friday" this week... although I am coming into work on Saturday for a little bit.
I am looking forward to this weekend, I will be enjoying some good quiet time in which I get to be very productive, working on crafts (ATC's and the "Sew My Name" Swap, and perhaps start the dollhouse) and also working on READING. If it were up to me, I could spend 5 hours a day reading and wouldn't even think twice about it. I plan on drinking lots of Tastefully Simple Chai Latte's, taking lots of bubble baths where I don't get out for HOURS, and perhaps I will even go sit in the hot tub every now and then. And I can watch porn. And I can run around in my pajamas. And I can do laundry and dishes and just plain ACCOMPLISH but RELAX at the same time. I got a new Yoga DVD and I plan on doing that too. I have lots of plans for the weekend, but none of them require me to go anywhere.
Today I signed up for the Flickr Colororiffic Swap-o-rama November Swap, the colors are apple creen, cotton candy pink, and burgundy. Ohhh yeah! I can't wait for that one! I also signed up for the "letter for me #7 swap" as I have participated in swaps #2-5.... but missed 6. AND I signed up for the Hometown Photography Swap. Now I am done. Signing up. I promise. I have to keep up with the three that I am late for! This Saturday I do plan on sending my fall swap (a little early, YEAH!) to Germany.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
No Reason Really, Just Thinking A Bit.
Wearing: a goofy outfit. Black broomstick crinkle skirt. Hot pink shirt with rhinestones. Pink and Black Converse.
Quote of the Day: Women Fly When Men Aren't Watching
Listening: Dixie Chicks "I will Not Apologize" MadTV Spoof Video
Women are strong. you know that? I like my quote of the day. It makes many things come to mind. The first being the way that women are in groups. Now I know what men see when Women get into groups. I do. (powdering their noses, gossip, high heels, complaining about men, catty behavior, group bathroom trips) But it's what they don't see that's amazing.
I felt some of it when Angela and I went to Utah and stayed with Carrie. It's the way girlfriends can seamlessly work together, give each other shit, burst into fits of giggles, hang out in their pajamas, not wear any makeup, and keep their hair in ponytails. It's the way they all know how to clear a table, wash the dishes, and wipe everything up. It's the way they know how to stop a baby from crying or how they can endlessly multi-task. It's the way they always seem to know what to do next, even if inside they are frustrated, angry, and depressed. It's the way they unselfishly move in to take care of one another, and of children, when the need arises. It's the way they convince each other that it's okay to do something for themselves, and they support each other through good times and bad, through arguments with men, husbands deployed in the military, newborn babies and everyday stress. It's the way that we can feel comfortable telling the right woman almost anything and knowing that they won't judge. They won't talk behind our back about it, they won't spread gossip and rumors, they won't say "this is what you should have done." They will say "that sucks" and "I'm sorry" and they have a similar story to share with you that proves you aren't alone and that you aren't the only one with those problems or feelings.
Women are amazing. For a long time, growing up, I got along with guys better than women. And then. I got married. And some things changed. I still get along with guys, but I am starting more and more to become friends with their wives. I started to see more and more how much we are all alike. It's amazing how we all live the same struggles. Something can come out of a husband's mouth and if there are two wives around, they BOTH have the comeback and they can BOTH laugh or roll their eyes knowingly without even saying a word. And it's empowering to think back over generations and generations of women- friends and family- who have been bonded the very same way. It brings tears to my eyes to think about it. I think about my mom and her friends, who put me in mind of the Ya-Ya's, although more sober. I think of my great grandma, and stories she used to tell about growing up, and how her sister-in-law Ruby was a great friend to her and always came from Florida for visits. I think of women in the 40's, in the roaring 20's. I see my grandmothers playing Bunco and smoking cigarettes and swing dancing. I think of them wearing aprons in their formica kitchens and wearing scarfs over their curlers and chasing the little toddlers that were our parents. They are us. And it happens over, and over, and over again.
I think back to witchcraft. I think of how women were burned at the stake because people didn't understand them. Because they did something amazing, or because they did nothing at all. Would I have burned at the stake? Certainly. Maybe for my opinionated loud mouth, or maybe for my uncanny memory, or perhaps for my witchy attraction to men (lol)
I think about women persecuted. Harassed at jobs, making less money than men, holding crumbling families together, overcoming great adversities. I think of women being beaten and raped. I think of women being kidnapped and murdered. I think of the good along with the bad.
I think of women being viewed as posessions, and as sexual objects. And then I think of the women who have learned to use that to their advantage, and to turn that around on men. I think of all the things that women do that men don't know about, don't understand, and will never ever be able to even comprehend. I think of laundry and dishes and children and yardwork. I think of women doing little things that seem so insignifigant until there's no one there to do them anymore. Do husbands think twice about Christmas cards sent and received? About picking out the perfect gifts for their families? How would Christmas feel if you never received a single Christmas card? If no one was ever overjoyed by the thoughtfullness of a gift? (It's only the "thought that counts" if you actually put some thought into it, you know?) It's like the air you breathe. Insignificant until it's not there. I think of the way that a good mother loves her daughter and passes down traditions and skills and love so that she can become a woman who will probably be even more amazing than her own mother. Why are we surprised that every generation of women gets better, has more responsibilities, and accomplishes more?
This month, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I encourage every one of you to embrace the women in your life.
Ladies, reach out to your friends and families. Support each other and listen to each other. Share experiences and step in to help when times get too stressful. Remember how powerful we are in groups.
Men, don't wait until it's too late to tell us what we mean to you. Try to think of something that a woman does for you that you take for granted every single day, and thank her for it. Believe me, she doesn't even think that you notice, and by showing that you do (even if it is just for one day) it will make everything so much easier on her.
Dads, make sure that your actions show your daughter how a wife should be treated by a husband, so that she is able to recognize a bad relationship when she sees one. It is your responsibility to show your daughters how a man should treat the woman he loves.
“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.”
“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.”
“I've yet to be on a campus where most women weren't worrying about some aspect of combining marriage, children, and a career. I've yet to find one where many men were worrying about the same thing.”
Quote of the Day: Women Fly When Men Aren't Watching
Listening: Dixie Chicks "I will Not Apologize" MadTV Spoof Video
Women are strong. you know that? I like my quote of the day. It makes many things come to mind. The first being the way that women are in groups. Now I know what men see when Women get into groups. I do. (powdering their noses, gossip, high heels, complaining about men, catty behavior, group bathroom trips) But it's what they don't see that's amazing.
I felt some of it when Angela and I went to Utah and stayed with Carrie. It's the way girlfriends can seamlessly work together, give each other shit, burst into fits of giggles, hang out in their pajamas, not wear any makeup, and keep their hair in ponytails. It's the way they all know how to clear a table, wash the dishes, and wipe everything up. It's the way they know how to stop a baby from crying or how they can endlessly multi-task. It's the way they always seem to know what to do next, even if inside they are frustrated, angry, and depressed. It's the way they unselfishly move in to take care of one another, and of children, when the need arises. It's the way they convince each other that it's okay to do something for themselves, and they support each other through good times and bad, through arguments with men, husbands deployed in the military, newborn babies and everyday stress. It's the way that we can feel comfortable telling the right woman almost anything and knowing that they won't judge. They won't talk behind our back about it, they won't spread gossip and rumors, they won't say "this is what you should have done." They will say "that sucks" and "I'm sorry" and they have a similar story to share with you that proves you aren't alone and that you aren't the only one with those problems or feelings.
Women are amazing. For a long time, growing up, I got along with guys better than women. And then. I got married. And some things changed. I still get along with guys, but I am starting more and more to become friends with their wives. I started to see more and more how much we are all alike. It's amazing how we all live the same struggles. Something can come out of a husband's mouth and if there are two wives around, they BOTH have the comeback and they can BOTH laugh or roll their eyes knowingly without even saying a word. And it's empowering to think back over generations and generations of women- friends and family- who have been bonded the very same way. It brings tears to my eyes to think about it. I think about my mom and her friends, who put me in mind of the Ya-Ya's, although more sober. I think of my great grandma, and stories she used to tell about growing up, and how her sister-in-law Ruby was a great friend to her and always came from Florida for visits. I think of women in the 40's, in the roaring 20's. I see my grandmothers playing Bunco and smoking cigarettes and swing dancing. I think of them wearing aprons in their formica kitchens and wearing scarfs over their curlers and chasing the little toddlers that were our parents. They are us. And it happens over, and over, and over again.
I think back to witchcraft. I think of how women were burned at the stake because people didn't understand them. Because they did something amazing, or because they did nothing at all. Would I have burned at the stake? Certainly. Maybe for my opinionated loud mouth, or maybe for my uncanny memory, or perhaps for my witchy attraction to men (lol)
I think about women persecuted. Harassed at jobs, making less money than men, holding crumbling families together, overcoming great adversities. I think of women being beaten and raped. I think of women being kidnapped and murdered. I think of the good along with the bad.
I think of women being viewed as posessions, and as sexual objects. And then I think of the women who have learned to use that to their advantage, and to turn that around on men. I think of all the things that women do that men don't know about, don't understand, and will never ever be able to even comprehend. I think of laundry and dishes and children and yardwork. I think of women doing little things that seem so insignifigant until there's no one there to do them anymore. Do husbands think twice about Christmas cards sent and received? About picking out the perfect gifts for their families? How would Christmas feel if you never received a single Christmas card? If no one was ever overjoyed by the thoughtfullness of a gift? (It's only the "thought that counts" if you actually put some thought into it, you know?) It's like the air you breathe. Insignificant until it's not there. I think of the way that a good mother loves her daughter and passes down traditions and skills and love so that she can become a woman who will probably be even more amazing than her own mother. Why are we surprised that every generation of women gets better, has more responsibilities, and accomplishes more?
This month, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I encourage every one of you to embrace the women in your life.
Ladies, reach out to your friends and families. Support each other and listen to each other. Share experiences and step in to help when times get too stressful. Remember how powerful we are in groups.
Men, don't wait until it's too late to tell us what we mean to you. Try to think of something that a woman does for you that you take for granted every single day, and thank her for it. Believe me, she doesn't even think that you notice, and by showing that you do (even if it is just for one day) it will make everything so much easier on her.
Dads, make sure that your actions show your daughter how a wife should be treated by a husband, so that she is able to recognize a bad relationship when she sees one. It is your responsibility to show your daughters how a man should treat the woman he loves.
“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.”
“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.”
“I've yet to be on a campus where most women weren't worrying about some aspect of combining marriage, children, and a career. I've yet to find one where many men were worrying about the same thing.”
Cute Shoes Kel!
Extra Extra! New Renter! Go visit Kel at "Mama? MAMA COME HERE!"
Firstly, let me say HOLY BLOG EXPLOSION BIDS! I had EIGHT! It was difficult to choose and I was instantly drawn to Kel's because of her profile Icon! SHOES! I love shoes. Love love love shoes! Got two new pair today in the mail. But this post isn't all about me... so please go visit Kel. She's in the twin cities, mom to two boys.... basically just surrounded with testosterone. I like her writing style. And like her, my golden birthday has gone by and was less than what I thought it would be.
Visit her now!
Firstly, let me say HOLY BLOG EXPLOSION BIDS! I had EIGHT! It was difficult to choose and I was instantly drawn to Kel's because of her profile Icon! SHOES! I love shoes. Love love love shoes! Got two new pair today in the mail. But this post isn't all about me... so please go visit Kel. She's in the twin cities, mom to two boys.... basically just surrounded with testosterone. I like her writing style. And like her, my golden birthday has gone by and was less than what I thought it would be.
Visit her now!
We Love You Amy...
Evan's cousin Amy died last night. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer just a few weeks ago. She was planning on starting Chemotherapy and didn't get the chance. She was in her 30's and has left behind two small children, John and Ally.
Please keep them in your thoughts and send good karma their way. This photo was taken of Amy and her kids at our wedding reception last August (2005.)
I feel badly that she never even got the chance to fight. She was a tough woman and I was so sure she would pull through. I am glad she didn't suffer.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
I won't let him be gay.
Wearing: Black Gauchos, a black babydoll shirt with pink and white flowers, black cork heeled sandals with rhinestone buckles... pink toenails, Dangling black hoop earrings and straight hair.
Listening: Hinder Get Stoned and Lips of an Angel (watch the Videos Here)
Eating: Leftover Rips Chicken
Well, I am so addicted to Hinder. I completely have a picture in my head of what the lead singer would look like. Totally hot. Like smoking hot. Rough. Lots of facial hair. Totally Cut. Probably a little dirty. Jeans. I am guessing no shirt. I can completely see him. He might look a little like Chris Evan's in this picture or maybe Eric Balfour in this picture. Gulp. Of course, Anya saw them in concert September 12th, with Chevelle and Nickleback, and told me that he if the lead singer isn't gay, it would be a miracle. I adore gay men. I do. But this can't happen. I totally had my picture in my mind. I mean LISTEN to that guy's voice. It's totally hot.
So she showed me a picture on the internet on Sunday and I was like Wha? how? It's impossible that little guy opens his mouth and THAT sound comes out! Jeez! He is so NOT what I need him to be! Oh well. She said "look at his hand. His hand was like that the entire time he was singing" and so basically she's trying to tell me that he is flamin'. I have found some pics online where he kinda puts me in mind of the Crow.... but still, nothing like I need. So I told myself that he is all lip synching and that there is a totally hot and scruffy guy behind the scenes singing. But then I watched the videos. And granted, he does seem a bit strange when singing, but I don't think that he is necessarily gay. But maybe Matt can help with this. I don't really think that many gay guys would agree to do a video where he is in the shower with a naked chick (2 chicks really, one naked and one ALMOST naked.) And I don't think he would be all down with a chick in leather hot pants crawling all over him. But.... maybe that's the image that the record producers want him to have. And if the titties don't bother him, why not?
You see, I love fantasies, and I am not about to let mine be ruined by having the guy singing that song be gay and therefore "unfantasizable." I guess, worse case scenario, Anya and I could hang onto our "gay husband" theory, where we really need three husbands. One who is a totally hunk. Like the poolboy. Think Jessie Metcalf on Desperate Housewives. He fulfills our every desire. He makes you feel like a woman. Hot. Then one who is a really good looking gay guy- nice dresser, takes us shopping, comes home with these "fabulous strappy shoes" that he just knew I had to have. And then just the regular "guy's guy" who sits on the couch with the remote or the one you see glued to the TV in sports bars.... except I haven't figured out why we even NEED that third guy if we have the hot guy and the gay guy... except that we had that conversation aroung Brad and Evan- so maybe we were trying to soften the blow.
And our husbands were like jaw dropping because they assume that as women, we don't have any fantasies. We just do dishes and laundry, right? Well. The guys (I think it was Evan) made the comment that they would have three wives, a redhead, blonde, and a brunette. And I told Evan that I can be all his fantasies, and I will dye my hair blonde on one side, red on the other, and black from behind. That got everyone cracking up.
So. Moving on. (although it's hard to tear my attention away from the Hinder Fantasy guy.) I do like his tattoos though (the real singer.) It's strange that I like tatoos on SOME guys, but hate them on others. It's just something about pulling them off I guess. And while I like tattoos, I REALLY don't want my husband to have any. Probably because everything he picks or mentions, I am like "what?!" I just don't know. I like my husband looking just the way he is. I guess I worry that if he gets a tattoo, I might not like it, or he might turn into one of those guys who I don't like tattoos on. That would be so upsetting! There is a fine line that can be walked with men and tattoos. If you do it wrong, instead of looking tough and sexy, you get all skanky and strung out looking. And if you have something stupid, or in a stupid place... you can get all goofy looking. Like how about the Greek Tattoo on a overgrown frat boy? Not cool. And sometimes some of the coolest tattoo's that are really colorful, are a turn off. I like to see the art, I think they are awesome, but I mostly am not a fan of all bright colored tattoos. I like dark ones. Blacks and Blues and Purples. Maybe Green. For Halloween Evan is going to draw a tattoo on me like Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow Tattoo. But instead of saying "Jack" under it, I will either leave it blank, or put "property of Cap'n Jack." Not sure. My pirate costume STILL hasn't arrived. I am starting to get frustrated. I have my hat. My mom saw the hat in the living room and she came in and said "Oh my god, that Pirate Hat is SO you!" and it cracked me up, because I was thinking "can I pull off that sexy, frilly hat with the big red bows and plume feathers?" and then mom said "It's SO you" like three times and I was thinking "I KNEW I was a pirate! I KNEW it!" So I am thinking that tonight I will traipse around the house in the only pieces of my pirate costume that I have.... my fancy hat and my stripey socks. That should get me in the mood for pirattitude!
Last night it was very stormy. Evan ran to Casey's and I went into our room. I was propped up on the bed reading, and suddenly, the sprinking outside turned into some RAGING winds and hail. In a split second, it roared up and blew the window fans out of the bedroom and bathroom windows. I jumped up and ran from room to room shutting windows, but in the 40 seconds it took me to shut 4 windows, the window sills and the floors and anything within 4 feet of the windows were SOAKED. Evan came flying in the driveway and pulled up by the back door. I went to the back porch and was looking out. I had my hand on the aluminum screen door, and a Big lightening bolt flashed across the sky, and I got shocked through the door! It was just like touching an electric fence. Holy Cow! Evan came running inside, he was SOAKED. It looked like he just got out of the shower. LOL. The dogs were pacing and the trees were swirling around. The Ghosts stayed in the tree... which proves that Spiderwire is awesome and my husband was right. WZOE said 50 mp winds and dime sized hail was coming through.
So I got quite a bit of reading done last night.... I finished Ya-Ya's in Bloom over the weekend and I am about 3/4 of the way through Little Altars Everywhere right now (also by Rebecca Wells.) My goal is to have them both finished by tomorrow night before my mom comes over, so that I can give them back to her.
So now I await my pirate costume, my camoflauge Chuck Taylors, my red Chuck Taylor "simples", and my Pottery Barn Kids Halloween Calendar. My tupperware order came in yesterday and I was able to organize all my flours and sugars in the new modular mate super ovals. My mom has my label maker, and once she brings it to me tomorrow, I will label them and everything will be PERFECT in the OCD kitchen. Except of course for the fruit flies that we got in the apples that we picked.... and even though we removed the apples, the fruit flies seem to be swarming and choking us. It's so hard to get rid of fruit flies. We spray them with OFF Skintastic when we see them. LOL. I also await my Stampin Up Order from CB's party. Oh yes, and my order from Kathryn-Beich to support a co-worker's daughter (school sales.) Can you say "shopaholic?" Ohhhh! And I forgot, I am also awaiting my early birthday present from husband- my baby pink double-breasted wool peacoat! Yummy! My next purchase will be a replacement camera. I keep saying that, but other things keep getting in the way and eating up my ca$h. I need more hoes to pimp! Actually, I don't have any hoes. But I could be a pimp. I am my own pimp. I think it would be fun to pimp out men. Like have a whole cast of pool boys and just be in charge of them.
Anyway, back to shopping... I am a Home Party Addict. I would be willing to bet that I attend or purchase from an average of 20 home parties a year. And that is not an exxageration. I have, however, limited myself to hosting ONE home party per year at my house. Add that up with at least one cookout in the summer and one holiday (usually Thanksgiving) and I think I do my share of entertaining. This fall we are having Thanksgiving again (per usual) but we have the issue of seating. Now that Evan's brother has a girlfriend, that adds in another person. So immediate families now adds up to ten guests. Thankfully I have enough plates, silverware, and wine glasses. And I ALMOST have enough fancy fall napkins with leaf napkin rings. I think I have enough Napkin Rings but not as many napkins. So before the gathering, I need to purchase a new poly-resin buffet size table. I have one in the scrapbook room, that folds in half. I love it, but after about a year of use, it bows in the center. So I have continuously meant to purchase a new one, but just haven't done it yet. So before Thanksgiving, I need to do that.
Every year I make the Turkey the day ahead of time, take all the meat off the bones, and keep it warm and moist in the crock-pot. This year, we plan on deep frying the turkey(s) or at least Turkey Breasts. That will be fun. This year Thanksgiving is the day before My Birthday. Two Years ago it was the day after. I was born the day after Thanksgiving. My mom was in labor during Thanksgiving. In fact, she was HOSTING thanksgiving. She woke up that morning and had contractions while she was standing at the sink peeling potatoes. While everyone else ate Turkey dinner, she was lying upstairs in bed. Wasn't that nice of them? Don't wanna interrupt dinner or anything... right? But then I think, what 9 month pregnant and ready to pop woman hosts Thanksgiving?! My mom. She can do ANYTHING even when you think she's nuts. I guess that's where I get it.
So this Friday I have a "dentist appointment" and Anya and I will take Ava to Tanner's Orchard for pumpkins and apple cider and apple cider donuts and pictures. It will be SO much fun, and it is supposed to be 70 and sunny, so I am looking for a fabulous weekend. Today it is supposed to reach 90 and they are talking about breaking a record Illinois high for October 3rd. ooohhhh. Exciting! It was all I could do to make myself get dressed and come to work today. It was already so nice this morning... I was dying to be at home.
Listening: Hinder Get Stoned and Lips of an Angel (watch the Videos Here)
Eating: Leftover Rips Chicken
Well, I am so addicted to Hinder. I completely have a picture in my head of what the lead singer would look like. Totally hot. Like smoking hot. Rough. Lots of facial hair. Totally Cut. Probably a little dirty. Jeans. I am guessing no shirt. I can completely see him. He might look a little like Chris Evan's in this picture or maybe Eric Balfour in this picture. Gulp. Of course, Anya saw them in concert September 12th, with Chevelle and Nickleback, and told me that he if the lead singer isn't gay, it would be a miracle. I adore gay men. I do. But this can't happen. I totally had my picture in my mind. I mean LISTEN to that guy's voice. It's totally hot.
So she showed me a picture on the internet on Sunday and I was like Wha? how? It's impossible that little guy opens his mouth and THAT sound comes out! Jeez! He is so NOT what I need him to be! Oh well. She said "look at his hand. His hand was like that the entire time he was singing" and so basically she's trying to tell me that he is flamin'. I have found some pics online where he kinda puts me in mind of the Crow.... but still, nothing like I need. So I told myself that he is all lip synching and that there is a totally hot and scruffy guy behind the scenes singing. But then I watched the videos. And granted, he does seem a bit strange when singing, but I don't think that he is necessarily gay. But maybe Matt can help with this. I don't really think that many gay guys would agree to do a video where he is in the shower with a naked chick (2 chicks really, one naked and one ALMOST naked.) And I don't think he would be all down with a chick in leather hot pants crawling all over him. But.... maybe that's the image that the record producers want him to have. And if the titties don't bother him, why not?
You see, I love fantasies, and I am not about to let mine be ruined by having the guy singing that song be gay and therefore "unfantasizable." I guess, worse case scenario, Anya and I could hang onto our "gay husband" theory, where we really need three husbands. One who is a totally hunk. Like the poolboy. Think Jessie Metcalf on Desperate Housewives. He fulfills our every desire. He makes you feel like a woman. Hot. Then one who is a really good looking gay guy- nice dresser, takes us shopping, comes home with these "fabulous strappy shoes" that he just knew I had to have. And then just the regular "guy's guy" who sits on the couch with the remote or the one you see glued to the TV in sports bars.... except I haven't figured out why we even NEED that third guy if we have the hot guy and the gay guy... except that we had that conversation aroung Brad and Evan- so maybe we were trying to soften the blow.
And our husbands were like jaw dropping because they assume that as women, we don't have any fantasies. We just do dishes and laundry, right? Well. The guys (I think it was Evan) made the comment that they would have three wives, a redhead, blonde, and a brunette. And I told Evan that I can be all his fantasies, and I will dye my hair blonde on one side, red on the other, and black from behind. That got everyone cracking up.
So. Moving on. (although it's hard to tear my attention away from the Hinder Fantasy guy.) I do like his tattoos though (the real singer.) It's strange that I like tatoos on SOME guys, but hate them on others. It's just something about pulling them off I guess. And while I like tattoos, I REALLY don't want my husband to have any. Probably because everything he picks or mentions, I am like "what?!" I just don't know. I like my husband looking just the way he is. I guess I worry that if he gets a tattoo, I might not like it, or he might turn into one of those guys who I don't like tattoos on. That would be so upsetting! There is a fine line that can be walked with men and tattoos. If you do it wrong, instead of looking tough and sexy, you get all skanky and strung out looking. And if you have something stupid, or in a stupid place... you can get all goofy looking. Like how about the Greek Tattoo on a overgrown frat boy? Not cool. And sometimes some of the coolest tattoo's that are really colorful, are a turn off. I like to see the art, I think they are awesome, but I mostly am not a fan of all bright colored tattoos. I like dark ones. Blacks and Blues and Purples. Maybe Green. For Halloween Evan is going to draw a tattoo on me like Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow Tattoo. But instead of saying "Jack" under it, I will either leave it blank, or put "property of Cap'n Jack." Not sure. My pirate costume STILL hasn't arrived. I am starting to get frustrated. I have my hat. My mom saw the hat in the living room and she came in and said "Oh my god, that Pirate Hat is SO you!" and it cracked me up, because I was thinking "can I pull off that sexy, frilly hat with the big red bows and plume feathers?" and then mom said "It's SO you" like three times and I was thinking "I KNEW I was a pirate! I KNEW it!" So I am thinking that tonight I will traipse around the house in the only pieces of my pirate costume that I have.... my fancy hat and my stripey socks. That should get me in the mood for pirattitude!
Last night it was very stormy. Evan ran to Casey's and I went into our room. I was propped up on the bed reading, and suddenly, the sprinking outside turned into some RAGING winds and hail. In a split second, it roared up and blew the window fans out of the bedroom and bathroom windows. I jumped up and ran from room to room shutting windows, but in the 40 seconds it took me to shut 4 windows, the window sills and the floors and anything within 4 feet of the windows were SOAKED. Evan came flying in the driveway and pulled up by the back door. I went to the back porch and was looking out. I had my hand on the aluminum screen door, and a Big lightening bolt flashed across the sky, and I got shocked through the door! It was just like touching an electric fence. Holy Cow! Evan came running inside, he was SOAKED. It looked like he just got out of the shower. LOL. The dogs were pacing and the trees were swirling around. The Ghosts stayed in the tree... which proves that Spiderwire is awesome and my husband was right. WZOE said 50 mp winds and dime sized hail was coming through.
So I got quite a bit of reading done last night.... I finished Ya-Ya's in Bloom over the weekend and I am about 3/4 of the way through Little Altars Everywhere right now (also by Rebecca Wells.) My goal is to have them both finished by tomorrow night before my mom comes over, so that I can give them back to her.
So now I await my pirate costume, my camoflauge Chuck Taylors, my red Chuck Taylor "simples", and my Pottery Barn Kids Halloween Calendar. My tupperware order came in yesterday and I was able to organize all my flours and sugars in the new modular mate super ovals. My mom has my label maker, and once she brings it to me tomorrow, I will label them and everything will be PERFECT in the OCD kitchen. Except of course for the fruit flies that we got in the apples that we picked.... and even though we removed the apples, the fruit flies seem to be swarming and choking us. It's so hard to get rid of fruit flies. We spray them with OFF Skintastic when we see them. LOL. I also await my Stampin Up Order from CB's party. Oh yes, and my order from Kathryn-Beich to support a co-worker's daughter (school sales.) Can you say "shopaholic?" Ohhhh! And I forgot, I am also awaiting my early birthday present from husband- my baby pink double-breasted wool peacoat! Yummy! My next purchase will be a replacement camera. I keep saying that, but other things keep getting in the way and eating up my ca$h. I need more hoes to pimp! Actually, I don't have any hoes. But I could be a pimp. I am my own pimp. I think it would be fun to pimp out men. Like have a whole cast of pool boys and just be in charge of them.
Anyway, back to shopping... I am a Home Party Addict. I would be willing to bet that I attend or purchase from an average of 20 home parties a year. And that is not an exxageration. I have, however, limited myself to hosting ONE home party per year at my house. Add that up with at least one cookout in the summer and one holiday (usually Thanksgiving) and I think I do my share of entertaining. This fall we are having Thanksgiving again (per usual) but we have the issue of seating. Now that Evan's brother has a girlfriend, that adds in another person. So immediate families now adds up to ten guests. Thankfully I have enough plates, silverware, and wine glasses. And I ALMOST have enough fancy fall napkins with leaf napkin rings. I think I have enough Napkin Rings but not as many napkins. So before the gathering, I need to purchase a new poly-resin buffet size table. I have one in the scrapbook room, that folds in half. I love it, but after about a year of use, it bows in the center. So I have continuously meant to purchase a new one, but just haven't done it yet. So before Thanksgiving, I need to do that.
Every year I make the Turkey the day ahead of time, take all the meat off the bones, and keep it warm and moist in the crock-pot. This year, we plan on deep frying the turkey(s) or at least Turkey Breasts. That will be fun. This year Thanksgiving is the day before My Birthday. Two Years ago it was the day after. I was born the day after Thanksgiving. My mom was in labor during Thanksgiving. In fact, she was HOSTING thanksgiving. She woke up that morning and had contractions while she was standing at the sink peeling potatoes. While everyone else ate Turkey dinner, she was lying upstairs in bed. Wasn't that nice of them? Don't wanna interrupt dinner or anything... right? But then I think, what 9 month pregnant and ready to pop woman hosts Thanksgiving?! My mom. She can do ANYTHING even when you think she's nuts. I guess that's where I get it.
So this Friday I have a "dentist appointment" and Anya and I will take Ava to Tanner's Orchard for pumpkins and apple cider and apple cider donuts and pictures. It will be SO much fun, and it is supposed to be 70 and sunny, so I am looking for a fabulous weekend. Today it is supposed to reach 90 and they are talking about breaking a record Illinois high for October 3rd. ooohhhh. Exciting! It was all I could do to make myself get dressed and come to work today. It was already so nice this morning... I was dying to be at home.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Boobie-Thon 2006
Click to visit. I submitted my photo, go submit yours or make a donation. Breast Cancer Awareness is an important cause. My mom has been breast cancer free for about 7 years now.
People who donate $50 or more get access to the password only site, with uncovered breasts galore. Everyone else gets to see the covered ones.
People who donate $50 or more get access to the password only site, with uncovered breasts galore. Everyone else gets to see the covered ones.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Sunday
Wearing: Black track pants, Windows XP T-shirt, Winnie the Pooh Scrunchie.
Watching: This evening's (TIVO'd) episode of Desperate Housewives
Things I accomplished this weekend:
Eating Chinese.
Grandma's 75th Surprise Birthday Party.
CB's Stampin Up Party.
Babysitting Ava.
Finding my lost dog.
Burning the roof of my mouth on a hot pocket.
Organizing ALL of my digital photos from 2001 to September 2006, by event, month, and year
Made Photo CD's (one for each month) for 2001-2006
Printed Custom Labels for each CD listing the month and the events
Labeled the CD's and organized them in a binder.
Ate Rip's Chicken for supper tonight.
Went for a walk.
Sat in the Hot Tub at Brad and Anya's till 10:30pm.
General Picking up around home.
Taking the garbage to the curb.
Watching The Girls Next Door.
Things I didn't accomplish this weekend:
Laundry
Dishes
Finding what stinks in the fridge
Get my husband to hang things on the walls for me
Getting to the Orchard.
On another note, there have been SIX trains through Wyanet in the last 2.5 hours. It is driving me BONKERS. There were two trains on our walk, and one on my way home, and three more since I got here. Since it is so nice, I have all the windows opened up. And the train whistles keep overpowering Desperate Housewives. At least by the time that The Girls Next Door was on, the trains were finished. Holly was throwing a baby shower for former playmate Victoria Fuller, and Holly went across the street to the playmate house and when she was in the kitchen, her boobs were popping out of her dress, and she had some nipple showing on both sides. I was like COME ON! I can't believe the camera men didn't "mention" it. They did like two full scenese with her nipples hanging out. Okay, so I do believe it. Bridget bought the cutest lil wagon full of pink goodies for the baby! And Kendra wrapped hers in a Christmas bag because she wasn't going to "go out and buy a bag." Oh Jeez. Although she bought the CUTEST little Nike Outfit with a white shirt and a white tennis skirt with red stripes and hearts. Adorable!
The wind is REALLY blowing. I keep thinking that it's going to storm, and it's been lightening since it got dark, to the north of town. But nothing here. The weather does say there is a 20% chance of storms overnight and tomorrow.
I should be going to bed. It's 12:15. And I am a little sleepy.
Goodnight!
Watching: This evening's (TIVO'd) episode of Desperate Housewives
Things I accomplished this weekend:
Eating Chinese.
Grandma's 75th Surprise Birthday Party.
CB's Stampin Up Party.
Babysitting Ava.
Finding my lost dog.
Burning the roof of my mouth on a hot pocket.
Organizing ALL of my digital photos from 2001 to September 2006, by event, month, and year
Made Photo CD's (one for each month) for 2001-2006
Printed Custom Labels for each CD listing the month and the events
Labeled the CD's and organized them in a binder.
Ate Rip's Chicken for supper tonight.
Went for a walk.
Sat in the Hot Tub at Brad and Anya's till 10:30pm.
General Picking up around home.
Taking the garbage to the curb.
Watching The Girls Next Door.
Things I didn't accomplish this weekend:
Laundry
Dishes
Finding what stinks in the fridge
Get my husband to hang things on the walls for me
Getting to the Orchard.
On another note, there have been SIX trains through Wyanet in the last 2.5 hours. It is driving me BONKERS. There were two trains on our walk, and one on my way home, and three more since I got here. Since it is so nice, I have all the windows opened up. And the train whistles keep overpowering Desperate Housewives. At least by the time that The Girls Next Door was on, the trains were finished. Holly was throwing a baby shower for former playmate Victoria Fuller, and Holly went across the street to the playmate house and when she was in the kitchen, her boobs were popping out of her dress, and she had some nipple showing on both sides. I was like COME ON! I can't believe the camera men didn't "mention" it. They did like two full scenese with her nipples hanging out. Okay, so I do believe it. Bridget bought the cutest lil wagon full of pink goodies for the baby! And Kendra wrapped hers in a Christmas bag because she wasn't going to "go out and buy a bag." Oh Jeez. Although she bought the CUTEST little Nike Outfit with a white shirt and a white tennis skirt with red stripes and hearts. Adorable!
The wind is REALLY blowing. I keep thinking that it's going to storm, and it's been lightening since it got dark, to the north of town. But nothing here. The weather does say there is a 20% chance of storms overnight and tomorrow.
I should be going to bed. It's 12:15. And I am a little sleepy.
Goodnight!
Friday, September 29, 2006
TGIF
8am Observations:
The parking lot at work smells like Garlic Bread with Cheese
If you are middle aged and driving a sedan that says IBM GUY on the license plates, you aren't getting laid much.
Listening: Rage Against the Machine Roll Right and Without a Face
Wearing: Heather Grey Bootcut pants, Black Tank Top, Black Cardigan with Leaves on it, Grey Socks, Black Heeled Mary Janes.
So. How about Grey's Anatomy last night? I TIVO'd it and when I played it back, and the VERY VERY End got cut off! Damn cable, never having shows end when they are scheduled to! So I saw McDreamy go to Addison's hotel room, say "it's all my fault" and "it's a shame" and then see Mark walk out of the shower and say "this is awkward" or whatever and then it was instantly cut off. I was like WHA? Where's the official "end."
The parking lot at work smells like Garlic Bread with Cheese
If you are middle aged and driving a sedan that says IBM GUY on the license plates, you aren't getting laid much.
Listening: Rage Against the Machine Roll Right and Without a Face
Wearing: Heather Grey Bootcut pants, Black Tank Top, Black Cardigan with Leaves on it, Grey Socks, Black Heeled Mary Janes.
So. How about Grey's Anatomy last night? I TIVO'd it and when I played it back, and the VERY VERY End got cut off! Damn cable, never having shows end when they are scheduled to! So I saw McDreamy go to Addison's hotel room, say "it's all my fault" and "it's a shame" and then see Mark walk out of the shower and say "this is awkward" or whatever and then it was instantly cut off. I was like WHA? Where's the official "end."
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Fall Food
Listening: REO Speedwagon The HITS (another thing learned from my dad)Wearing: Black Ballet Style Shirt, Khaki Pants, Puppy Dog Socks, and Mary janes. Straight Hair. Link: Fall Photos from around home
Last night was a very "fall-like" night. we peeled/cored/and sliced 30 cups of apples. I made two batches of apple crisp and some wheat beer bread with Budweiser. Yum!
I have a "fall" swap, I have everything ready to send. The only thing I didn't put in the picture is my handmade item. I need to package that up and get it mailed off to Germany.
I am happy today is Thursday.... but I
don't have a HNT Photo. I suck. Oh well. I guess with all the Apple slicing, bread baking, and apple crisp making, I have an excuse, right?One of the other things that makes me all excited for fall? My Tastefully Simple Order Arrived on the back porch yesterday, and now I have a sample of "Oh My Chai" tea and "Hazelnut Hot Chocolate." I am totally ready to curl up with a hot mug and a good book. I am just to the end of Rebecca Wells Ya-Yas in Bloom. So far it's been a really good book. But really, it isn't a page turner. It's lots of little stories, so when I finish a chapter, I don't feel the urge to continue like you would with a regular book, because you already know the end to that little story. It's good, but it has taken me much longer to read it than it usually would.... because I am not dying to get to
the end. I had a hell of a time getting to sleep last night, I was still awake at 3am, even though I lay down at 1:30. It was annoying and it was really pissing me off. Then of course this morning I did NOT want to get up, since I was all sleepy and snuggled in. Well, I can't think of a whole lot else to say today. Just your regular day. no profound realizations, no big purchases, no driving success stories. Just another day. I guess I could have some "Oh My Chai" or perhaps just a DQ Pumpkin Pie Blizzard since they just got them in. Mmmm. I hope that we can have some nights filled with relaxing and playing games with friends. I love fall.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Hmmm.... another project for Meagan?
What do you think are the chances I can get my husband to let me do this? It's a chalkboard, AND it's magnetic! Thanks to Danny Seo!
Swap-Riffic
Wearing: Black pants with white pinstripes, teal button down shirt, black loafers, socks with dogs and fall leaves.
Listening: Silence. Ahhhh.
Link of the Day: http://www.cabbagepatchkids.com It's the coolest, tour Babyland General Hospital, see the Cabbage Patch Timeline, and special edition as well as original all-fabric cabbage patch kids.
Me Pirate gear arrived today. A feathery lacey hat with a plume feather fit for a pirate queen, 2 pair of stripey socks, and the book Pirattitude by Cap'n Slappy and Ol' Chumbucket. Oh and I also got my adorable gifty gift from the "sew my name" swap, which I haven't even STARTED yet... and I need to do this weekend along with wrapping up my "fall swap" and finishing ATC's for 3 swaps that I am behind on. (bad bad swapper!) Also arriving today were the converse that perfectly match my own, only smaller. They are so freaking adorable!
I got to start my day with a pap exam, which is fabulous of course. Then I ate a turkey wrap, an apple Evan picked at his parents' farm, and a bottle of water. All is right in the world.
So this Saturday I have a Stampin Up Workshop to attend, and a surprise party with a live band for a certain someone who will remain un-named. I can't WAIT! Then Sunday I got invited to do some fun things but I really really can't because I have to do laundry and I have to finish the ATC's, the Sew my name swap, and Apparently with the acquired large box of apples I might be making apple crisp. It also occurred to me that I need to clean the office as I have been putting it off for exactly 6 weeks and I can't put it off anymore and expect to have room to start me "All About Him" scrapbook Album that arrived last Friday (QVC Auto-shipment) and finish the ATC's. It also occurred to me that I have all the paint and glue and the kit for my new dollhouse but I haven't even started. So really I would be happy with a weekend at home. The month of September has been extremely busy. I can't wait for October. It will be great to have nothing planned, even if for one full weekend I can just do whatever I want instead of running from place to place.
And you know... my pirate COSTUME itself hasn't arrived yet. I am worried it won't fit and I will have to buy another one. Ugh. HURRY UP COSTUME PEEPS! Send it!
Listening: Silence. Ahhhh.
Link of the Day: http://www.cabbagepatchkids.com It's the coolest, tour Babyland General Hospital, see the Cabbage Patch Timeline, and special edition as well as original all-fabric cabbage patch kids.
Me Pirate gear arrived today. A feathery lacey hat with a plume feather fit for a pirate queen, 2 pair of stripey socks, and the book Pirattitude by Cap'n Slappy and Ol' Chumbucket. Oh and I also got my adorable gifty gift from the "sew my name" swap, which I haven't even STARTED yet... and I need to do this weekend along with wrapping up my "fall swap" and finishing ATC's for 3 swaps that I am behind on. (bad bad swapper!) Also arriving today were the converse that perfectly match my own, only smaller. They are so freaking adorable!
I got to start my day with a pap exam, which is fabulous of course. Then I ate a turkey wrap, an apple Evan picked at his parents' farm, and a bottle of water. All is right in the world.
So this Saturday I have a Stampin Up Workshop to attend, and a surprise party with a live band for a certain someone who will remain un-named. I can't WAIT! Then Sunday I got invited to do some fun things but I really really can't because I have to do laundry and I have to finish the ATC's, the Sew my name swap, and Apparently with the acquired large box of apples I might be making apple crisp. It also occurred to me that I need to clean the office as I have been putting it off for exactly 6 weeks and I can't put it off anymore and expect to have room to start me "All About Him" scrapbook Album that arrived last Friday (QVC Auto-shipment) and finish the ATC's. It also occurred to me that I have all the paint and glue and the kit for my new dollhouse but I haven't even started. So really I would be happy with a weekend at home. The month of September has been extremely busy. I can't wait for October. It will be great to have nothing planned, even if for one full weekend I can just do whatever I want instead of running from place to place.
And you know... my pirate COSTUME itself hasn't arrived yet. I am worried it won't fit and I will have to buy another one. Ugh. HURRY UP COSTUME PEEPS! Send it!
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