10 pieces of pure eye candy

I am easily pacified. Some things are just soothing to look at.

1. The way Nello's Red glasses perfectly match the eyelet yarn at the top of her blog. How CUTE is she anyway?
2. The spiked heel on the soccer ball over at Stranded in Suburbia.
3. The way I spend hours studying Lost in Wisconsin to determine if that is really Christina Appelgate or an uncanny likeness to her representing the blogger herself.
4. The cartoon with Christie's Hair that makes me think of a cranky, outspoken, beautiful Medusa, whose thoughts translate to I miei pensieri.
5. That Damn Robot at Snozberries that makes me think of my blue Alphie and all the little cards you could slide into his stomach and the red button on his head that you pushed.
6. How clicking on a blogroll link at Obasso's place makes me think I am playing Russian Roulette- like what state of nekkidness might I find and will it scar me for life.
7. The Upside Down Luscious Apples at ieatcrayonz
8. How the picture at the top of Deb's blog looks exactly how I feel.
9. Matt. Nuff said.
10. Crimson. She's a vision and I am jealous! Nuff Said.

Earnin my mystery badge

Sometimes real people say the best things. So today, I want to mention a random, quote from a mystery person, whose thoughts and opinions I appreciate. It's probably the best thing I heard all day, and it sounds EXACTLY like it could have come right out of my own mouth.

if she tries to screw with me, she will wish that she never met me

Cancelled? How can they DO that?!

So I am a little angry. For several weeks now I have been trying to figure out what happened to Reunion on fox Thursday nights (8 central)

I was an avid watcher and had Tivo'd every episode and was excited about that show. First of all it had a FABULOUS cast and was like a nighttime soap opera that I was loving.

Suddenly it just disappeared. I was worried that they had moved it to a different night (like Earl) and I was confused that my TIVO wasn't picking it up- although that wouldn't make much sense, since I had a series recording setup.

So I keep telling myself to look around online and find out when it is coming back, and finally, TODAY I got my brain working straight and decided to look it up. OH MY GOD.

They cancelled it. Those fucking fox BASTARDS! OHHH I am so angry. How do you cancel a suspenseful show with no warning, and no ending. What a crock of shit.

I did find out HERE what the "ending" was supposed to be , which I totally did NOT see coming, so if you want to know details, check it out. It is still listed on Fox's website as 8 central on Thursdays but it hasn't been on for probably 2 months. And they officially list is as a cancelled show on Fox's website HERE and mention that all the actors have moved onto other projects so no matter how much people BITCH it won't come back.

Fox, if you didn't have Family Guy, Simpsons, and The O.C., I would boycott your ass.

YOU SUCK.

This Post (and others like it) Tagged Under:

• ConspiracyTheory

Welcome Lori!

Whoo-Hoo! A New KICK ASS renter! Now I have been blogrolling Lori for a little while now, I was of course totally in love with her template, and I love that she tells it how it is. Please go check her out, I promise you won't be disappointed! She's a Biker Mom Stranded in Suburbia. Did I mention she just got crabs? And in a GOOD way. LOL.

Good Morning Vietnam.

Talking to my husband before 10am is like asking Freddy Kruger if you can file his nails.

This morning around 9am I was trying to get out of him where he put his paycheck so I could put it in the bank account, and he rolled over and pointed at his slippers on the floor and said "it's down there." I looked at his slippers. I looked inside his slippers. I was like "ummm, Ev, no it's not." So I did the hand on the shoulder, soft spoken nice voice... "Evan, where is your check?" and he growled and mumbled and something that sounded like "I put the gas cap on the floor but Kyle ran over it!" and I was trying to rub his shoulder and get him awake and I gave him a soft little shake and he GROWLED AT me "Don't SHAKE me!" and I then decided that this nicey nice crap wasn't working. So I said in my firm, angry wife voice "Evan, wake up right now and tell me where your check is." and he sat up in bed, looked at the clock, and gave me specific directions as to where it was. Jeez! No more Mr. Nice Guy.

So my day began wonderfully. I have so much to do this weekend it boggles my mind and puts me into overdrive.

Last night Evan gave me my early V-day gift, little diamond earrings, white gold and square shaped. I love them. They were on my "list" if you remember correctly. The coolest thing about them is that they backs just snap on, but you can only get them off if you unscrew them, so that you don't accidentally lose one. That's cool. I am wearing them in my second holes.

I had ordered "guitar Hero" for PS2 for him. He has been talking about it for MONTHS and calling around trying to find a copy but they are all sold out. So I ordered one online for him and it is being shipped, and he comes home last night and says "did you get me anything for V-day" and I said Yes, why. And he said "what did you get me" and as soon as he said that I knew that he had been to the mall and bought that damned Guitar Hero game for himself. Sure enough. I said "Don't even open the box, it is going back... because I had to pay shipping on the other one and I am not going to pay shipping to send it back." So he was all disappointed that he had "guitar hero" right in his paws and couldn't play it. Awwww... So sad.

So tonight I take Anya's baby bouncer back to Penneys and pick up a different one for her at Target, and then I return guitar hero to EB Games. Neither one of those stores better give me the "let's put this money on a gift card" crap because I have the receipts for both of them. Unless they want me to go postal in their stores. I hate that crap.

So that's the story of my morning, and I have so much more to do I can hardly bear it.

WTF?

Okay, wait a minute.

Was he PEEING out the bus window and he fell out, or was he peeing in the bus restroom, which just happened to have a huge "person-sized" window that was OPEN, and when the bus turned he fell out the window. I think we could use some clarification here.

passenger takes wrong exit A New York City teenager fell out the window of a moving bus while using the restroom Tuesday and landed on the New York State Thruway.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11239450/from/ET/

Me Love You Long Time!

Family is banned from this post. Period. Go away.

Will husbands ever learn?

What my husband doesn’t understand (or doesn’t care about) is that the thing that makes me hot is the most simple thing on the face of the earth.

Do something without being asked. OR do something WHEN asked the first time. That’s all it takes. Example. Our side tables and coffee tables came in today. I told him that yesterday. This morning I asked him when (what day) he planned on going to pick them up. I am having a Longaberger party on Sunday. Before then the living room needs rearranged and the tables need to be picked up. Without rearranging the living room, the tables won’t fit.

Now in the past, I have always rearranged all rooms BY MYSELF. Meaning that I, all alone, move all the furniture. I have moved the entire queen sized bed from room to room, sideways through a doorway- by myself TWICE. I used to move the couch by myself. I have moved the refrigerator by myself. Maybe instead of Wonder Woman my site should be “she-hulk” but previously we had CARPET and now that we have hardwood, I can’t move furniture by myself. And it DRIVES ME CRAZY. If I had to depend on my husband to move furniture, I would be waiting for weeks. Because he loves to procrastinate. The words that come out of his mouth more often than “I love you” are “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

If you know me, you will know that I am a demanding personality and I have NO PATIENCE. I have to say that 99% of our arguments are related to moments when his procrastinating comes up against my “I want it done YESTERDAY” attitude. So this morning when I asked him, I was thinking of all the things that need to be DONE, including me wanting to get things on the tables and everything organized, and when he answered “Maybe Sunday” (the day before the party and 4 days after the tables arrived) I had to hold my anger in. I just said “well, I would really appreciate it if you could get them on Friday, or maybe Saturday morning” and he said “I’ll try” (second most popular phrase out of his mouth) and I said “if all you can do is try, than I can go get them myself.” And he said “well how am I supposed to know what vehicle or trailer they will fit in” and my answer (as I am walking out the door for work, inserting earrings, and slipping into shoes all at the same time and he is lying on the couch sleeping) was “You are a big boy. I have the measurements of the tables. Look at them and FIGURE IT OUT!” and then I left.

I could already see the fight forming when he went on SUNDAY at 3pm to pick up the tables and left me alone at home the whole night to put them into place.

Well, I was surprised that he called me at 3:30pm the very same day, and said “I am going to go get the tables today” as if it were nothing. WTF changed his mind? I was SO HAPPY! I don’t have the energy to argue about every little thing! I just don’t. But at the same time I am tired of letting “things” that are supposed to be done just slide and slide and slide. It is so frustrating.

But today I was so so so so happy to have him just out of the blue say “I am going to get the tables” and then we discovered that they are UNASSEMBLED! Argh! Those tables cost a shitload of money at Sofa Mart and they are Unassembled? WTF? So husband said “It’s a good thing I am going to pick them up today, otherwise we wouldn’t have time to assemble them!” and Now I am wondering how long until they are assembled. I can see them sitting in the garage next to my new dryer. It’s been there a month already and it isn’t installed.

But if men only knew that a guaranteed way to get a horny wife was to assemble her tables and put the dryer in without being told…. They would get it more often. LOL.

And I answered with utmost honesty.

How evil are you?

Vote: Work Appropriate? HNT!

Looks like we are kinda back to lurking. It's been quiet around here since the foam party post.
I know that my life hasn't been very exciting! Let's see if we can bring in more readers.... hmmm. How would we do that? Oh yes! HNT! and a POLL! Voting!

I can't wait till Friday, this week I am going to go to the mall Friday night for a MEAGAN night. Get my ring cleaned, shop the clearance sweaters at CJBanks and Fashion Bug.... I need some new tops for work and clearance is the way to go! Saturday morning I have a pediucre at 8:15am (Yowza!) to use my Gift Certificate that Brenda got me for Christmas. I have been trying to not touch my toes since my last pedicure, and now all the polish is off. Except my big toes. Considering that I have my fetish of "toenails must be painted" I am doing really well with not touching them. I am holding out to get a french pediure, last time I had pretty dark purple toes for Christmas. Enough about my toes.

let's talk about my heel. For some reason in the shower this morning, I felt the stinging of a little scrape on the back of my heel, like where a shopping cart would get you. Strange because I didn't have one when I went to sleep. But I did sleep for 13 hours and so there is a chance that I injured myself during that time, like maybe on a sharp pillow or something? WTF?

So I wore a cute shirt to work today, that after second thought, I probably shouldn't have. I have a cute sweater over it of course, but I suppose most people would say it is either too sexy, or too resembling lingerie, or perhaps a combination of both. But it's sooo cute! It's lavendar and it has a lacy black overlay and it's cut like a tank top of camisole top but with a triangle top instead of a scoop neck. There is little black trim along the edges like rick rack and it is kinda floaty and baby-doll like at the bottom, nd it falls right at the hip. I have a long black sweater over it, the kind that is like a cardigan but has the loopy fringe at the sleeve ends and around the collar and cardigan openings. It is SOOOO cute. But Just possibly too cute for work. I don't know. I guess it depends on how hip you are. And most CEO's are not the hippest. I should take a picture for the blog of the shirt and take votes. Although the only camera I have at the moment is on my cell phone and I still haven't figured out how to get that to my blog. I have tons of pics on there that need to go to my blog. Bummer.

Update: Okay, got the camera phone picture sent to my email address. Of course the camera puts them in some freakish .bin format which was a royal pain in my ass. Photoshop, Picture It, and Fireworks all couldn't open that little fucker. I finally got it converted to a bmp by opening it in HTML and saving the picture out of IE... then I had to convert the bmp to jpg in Photoshop so blogger would take it. So- Let's take a vote. Now granted, this is not like a full length picture. However, my arms are not long enough to get that far away from my body to take my own camera phone pic. So please, vote. Would you wear this to work? If you piss me off too much I will probably delete your comment, I do have that power. I don't even know why I am subjecting myself to this. Oh well.

OH YES, AND THIS ALSO COUNTS AS HNT!!!

Inappropriate Update:

I went to lunch. Now this sweater has two hooks. If I hook them, the cleavage is completely covered. And I am safe. At work. Or out in the cold. So at lunch I went to my favorite little cafe to have a cappachino chiller and a turkey sandwich. When I walked in I saw three men and one woman, all in suits. And one of those men.... Holy cow Hot. (sorry husband, you know I love you and think you are hot too, but this guy was hot.) I mean like Perfect suit, nice tie, dark hair, studious glasses, probably 30.... I am talking Move over younger Dean Cain as superman because this guy is a fox. So I did a little experiment. When I came in he bareley even glanced at me. So I ordered my food. No glance. Nothing. So I unhooked those sweater hooks. And I waited for my food. And when it was ready, I had to walk past him. Holy-Hello-Eyes on my cleavage. I. totally. had. his. attention. Totally. Not only did he look at my chest as I was walking, but again as I held open the door for someone, and AGAIN through the window of the shop as I walked past him on my way to the car. Deal was, he had his eyes stuck to my chest so strongly that he never even NOTICED that I might be watching him do it. Ha ha. It was great. It's like I had a magnet on my chest. He would look down at his food for like a tenth of a second, like maybe it wouldn't look like he was staring, and then his eyes would snap right back at my chest. Moral of the story? Well there are two of them. Number 1, this outfit (when unbuttoned) is amazingly and gloriously inappropriate (the picture doesn't even begin to do justice, as it is not three dimensional). Number 2, I'VE STILL GOT IT! Whoo-Hooooooo!

Foam Fetish

Original Post 02/06/06:
Have you ever considered using shampoo in the dishwasher when you've run out of detergent?

Curious. Please post responses. I blame Sarah Mlynowski for even making me consider this.

UPDATE 2/08/06: Since you all made me want to know what a foam party was, I decided to look it up. And this is what I found. I guess there are no naked lesbians bumping donuts, but It is PARTIALLY what I imagined. And I suppose a foam party is only what you make it, so there could be nakedness involved.

I Covet

"Functuation" Stamps

by Technique Tuesday

Thankful For

The “Dog” Office assistant on office 2000 and 2003 Because he is cute
Calculators Available Everywhere (computers, cell phones, pdas, etc)
Quiet work days
Butterfly needles that don’t hurt as much as regular ones (labwork today)
Husbands who hand you $20 when you didn’t even ask for it
Annette at Sofa Mart calling to say our end tables and coffee table will be in tomorrow
Mom calling to say it is snowing at their house

The Hit Man

Thanks to Jackson for this one.


The Hit Man
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up." "Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a hit man," was the reply. "You're ! joking!" was the response. "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic! "

"I can see right in the window. Wow,I can see my wife in the bedroom." "Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her...... He's naked, too!!! That bitch! " He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?" "I! 'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?" , asked the hitman. "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his penis off to teach him a lesson." The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently. "Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here...."

Chatter

This morning:

Dropped off a prescription at my drugstore
Bought 24 stamps at the post office
Saw an 80 year old woman walking down main street carrying this purse.
Mailed 3 bills and 21 shower invites for Carrie's Shower Feb 19th at my house
Ordered Husband a fabulous Valentine
RSVP'd for another baby shower
Had blood drawn and was stuck in the back of both hands but was very brave
Circulated Longaberger Books for my show on Monday the 13th
Ate lunch at McDonald's for the first time since sometime before THIS post.
Worked 4 hours (first half of day)

Isn't it strange how you can get like 15 things happening on one weekend? When Carrie let me know that she would be coming to Illinois in February, I was excited, and the first thing I did was clear that entire weekend on my calendar. I wrote her name all over it. I planned everything around it. Since I cleared my calendar I have had invites to 4 other events on the 18th alone. So on the the 18th, I will be going to a 9am shoebox card kit class, followed by placing my order at a Stampin Up Open house that I can't stay for and will miss the make and takes. Then I also got invited to a baby shower for SH, which I really wanted to go to, but just can NOT fit it in, and then I will go home and prepare for Carrie's Shower the following day at my house. So in one weekend it will be like a whirlwind. I am excited about it. Not really stressed at all.

Tomorrow night I have a scrapbook class with a 2-page Valentine's Day Layout. I love Valentine's Day. Unfortunately I have about 500 thousand (okay FOUR) Valentine Layouts completed at home already but never have a photo to put in them. So they just sit there.

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

Okay, this is HILARIOUS. And here I thought that I made most of these up myself. I dedicate this to those who are in my P.F.N. - you know who you are!

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER A colleague who poops at work and is proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P. F. N) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH