Sunday, April 30, 2006


The craft/sewing room is beginning to emerge! Yeah! The shelves aren't half bad. I still have some boxes to go through (the side of the room you don't see here) and also have two tables to clean off and wipe down. More things to find homes for... but the sewing machine has emerged, one table completely cleaned, wrapping paper and accessories organized. Fabric organized. Sewing Notions Organized. Paints and Basketweaving supplies organized. Whew! I am done for the day! About to settle in for a round of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy! Finally NEW Episodes! YEAH! Everyone have a great night!
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Today I decided to photograph the baskets I have made, because I realize that if they ever get seperated or destroyed, I won't have any proof that I made them- And maybe someday my ancestors will thank me. I put pictures on Flickr of all the baskets. Check them out...
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Saturday, April 29, 2006

She's CrAzY Crafty!

Well. Today I decided to tackle the craft room. I am totally not even halfway done and it is midnight. Tomorrow. I will continue.

So the craft room is a seperate entity than the scrapbook room. The craft room is where there are paints and sewing and basketweaving and glitter and glue guns. Look Out.

This morning I said to husband (in a state of denial and refusal, not wanting to start the project) "How would a husband feel about helping a wife clean the craft room." And he replied "a husband would have to point out that he got that room all ready for you and you packed it full of shit and neglected it." I was hurt. ~Ouch!~He was right. I am a terrible **sniff sniff... WAAAA~** wife.

So today, when I went down to stare it in the face... things started to come back to me. How did I get TWO fully assembled and lighted Christmas trees in the middle of the room? I certainly did not put those there! How did that busted ass black metal cart get in my room? **I** told husband to throw it out YEARS ago. And **HE** assured me that he needed it for his guitar room. And yet, here it found it's way into MY craft room? When did THAT happen? I am seeing a pattern here!

And what we affectionately call "the smoking chair"- also an item that I asked him to destroy almost two YEARS ago but he didn't want to let go of it.... suddenly it is in the CRAFT room? And that 8 foot banquet table? propped lengthwise against the Christmas Tree? Wait a minute! That wasn't me! I can't Even LIFT it! Aha! I did NOT singlehandedly destroy the craft room by packing shit in there! It was HIM! HIM I tell you!

He came down and when I started pointing things out to him (those ceramic teddy bears that are each holding a sports ball... from his room as a BABY- How did THOSE get in here and why do we even HAVE them?) he grinned and giggled and without a single complaint, took it all back out of the craft room! Oh room to BREATHE! Room to Organize!

But then, there was SAWDUST and plaster chunks and all kinds of "demolition" related debri like nails and ceramic insulators and pieces of electrical wiring... all left from the remodeling of the upstairs and the pulling back of wires from the basement ceilings. **I** also had no part in that. When I requested a shop vac, husband suggested a BROOM and I was like THIS is NOT the stone ages! And he brought me the shop vac.

And now I am **Mostly** in the organizing stages. And oh the things I have found. Two glue guns? Over 400 glue sticks. Gulp. Two drawers of acrylic paints? Can this BE? FOUR UNOPENED SETS OF ARTISTS BRUSHES bought on eBay? No. Not Possible! Two totes of Christmas Ribbon and bows, a whole extra drawer of gift ribbon... a tote of gift bags, a tote of cardboard gift boxes, and tissue paper? I need HELP! I don't even know how much I have so I buy more! It has to STOP!

I took pictures. Check out some of what I found, in the She's Crafty Flickr Album.

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Lil Garden and Pond Hole

When I got home Friday, Husband had the new lil garden planted. It's a little "deeper" than it looks in that picture, check out the other pictures here. And a new flowerbed dug out and tilled and mulched. We planted lots of flower seeds behind the crabapples in the new little flower bed. Then we spent the rest of the night pulling weeds along the whole east side of the house and unloaded and spread a whole pickup bed load of mulch. The pond is still "missing" and we need to dig the hole out and put the liner back in. Baby steps. Then we took the dogs for a R-I-D-E (always spelled because they won't leave us alone for DAYS if we say it out loud) in the old white truck, back to the farm where we walked around and sniffed (the dogs, I walked, they sniffed) While husband filled the truck with more mulch with the loader tractor.

And now, it rains. All weekend.

Grow Garden Grow.
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Friday, April 28, 2006

God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done.

I love husband. Even though I am especially cranky and hormonal this week and he really just hides from me as much as possible. Yesterday he really pissed me off but last night when I got home he had made me a garden! Yeah! Yippie!

I love to garden. I love fresh tomatoes and I love to can. LOVE LOVE LOVE to can. Two years ago we had a giant garden. Then we got a new driveway and a new garage door put in on the other side of our garage, and the driveway went right over our garden. Then we had no more room for a garden. We have a fairly small yard, for a rural town, because our neighbors own our backyard... which is annoying. So. I had a thought last week that maybe we could till up a little plot of grass along the foundation, on the west side of the house, near the air conditioning unit. Lots of afternoon sun, right by the garden hose.... it would serve it's purpose. And I mentioned it to husband but once. He seemed on board. And then when I get home yesterday, he had cut out all the sod, tilled it, added mushroom compost (the secret ingredient) and then tilled that in to make a nice soft garden, all ready to plant! I was so excited (but I was cranky so I kinda had to hide it so I didn't give in too easy.)

So last night (both being cranky) we went to pick out plants and seeds and I hope that we can plant it tonight. I hope that he doesn't plant it without me today while I am away.

I also had a dentist's appointment this morning. Cleaning. Routine. As usual, no cavities. I have not had a cavity yet. And I don't plan on it. I am a freak about brushing my teeth. I have a toothbrush in my desk. and toothpaste. And I brush at home about twice a day, and at work. So my teeth are super clean. Chew sugar free gum. But I do have pretty decent plaque/tartar buildup on my bottom teeth between cleanings, so I am really "feeling" my teeth today. And since I am a bit of a raging hormone basket, my teeth are extra sensitive, and my wisdom teeth are cutting through, which happens every month. But my dental technician is super nice, very pretty, funny, and best of all... extremely gentle on my mouth! Yeah! She doesn't pry my teeth out but she still gets them all clean. I have had much much worse cleanings at other dentists. I hope she never leaves there. I go to Doctor Tom VanVooren in Annawan. And he is great too.

Well, that's my scoop for the day. I hope you all have a nice weekend, and get to relax. And get some things accomplished.
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Thursday, April 27, 2006

Rain Rain Go Away

So I really thought that I would have a hard time this weekend, choosing between spreading mulch and pulling weeds in the yard, and cleaning up my sewing and craft room in the basement, so that I could start sewing skirts and doing some basketweaving. Then I just happened to check the weather forecast. I guess I will be in the house. 60-70% chance of rain all weekend. Beginning Friday night and going through Tuesday. Fabulous. At least we need the rain.

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Frederick's Of Hollywood

Don't you hate it when someone in Customer Service is bitchy and has no personality?

I recently ordered bras from Frederick's of Hollywood. Online. And two pajama shirts. When the one pajama shirt came, it was torn. Right up the back. And it was packaged differently than the first, making me pretty sure that it had been a return, because it was missing all the tissue paper and the plastic clips that the other one had. And the bras didn't fit right. So I returned them. I called prior to making the return. I had a postage paid label. I mailed the package out priority mail on April 7th. I was returning the bras for a refund to my credit card, and exchanging the ripped sleepshirt for an identical one (unripped, hopefully.) I asked them not to charge me for return shipping because of the rip. They agreed. They "noted my account."

April 24th. 17 days after mailing the return. I knew the return got to them in 3 days, and I assumed that by now, I should be seeing a credit to my card, or at least the exchanged shirt. Nope. So I called. Customer Service. And I waited. On Hold. When I got through, she told me that the credit had been put through on April 21st and that I should see it in 30-45 days. I explained that this wasn't a trditional credit card but a debit card and that my bank puts through the credits as soon as they are issued. I told them that I hadn't seen a credit. She acted as though it were not her problem. I asked her where the exchanged shirt was. She said that the exchange was "on hold" because there weren't enough funds on the credit card. Hmmm... maybe that's cuz you DIDN'T REFUND MY MONEY!?! eh? I thought they would only refund the amount for the bras, and just exchange the shirt. No, that would be too easy. They have to refund ALL the money and then charge me again. That seems efficient, no? So I tell her that if they can't figure it out, to just cancel the exchange. She tells me she can't because she isn't in the EXCHANGE department. So I ask if she can transfer me there or give me their telephone number. Oh they don't HAVE a phone number. So I ask if she can call them. Nope. She can't. She can note my account but they probably won't see it. I told her that I don't want them charging me for another shirt without having the credit from the other items that I returned. $70 + dollars worth of items. So I made the comment that I was the customer and she is in CUSTOMER SERVICE so could she please find a way to cancel the exchange. She just said she couldn't. ARGH!

So I call the bank. Nope. No credit has been issued. And if it was credited on the 21st, they would have seen it by the 24th. I wait. 3 days. Call back today. Get another customer service rep. Equally as un-enthusuiastic. She acts like she was filing her nails and I interrupted her. She said that the credit was issued YESTERDAY as in on the 26th. 5 days after the other customer service rep assured me the credit was issued, and 3 days after I talked to the customer service rep. I guess it's a good thing I called. And she also told me that the representative had cancelled the exchange. How nice. of her. Of course.

What a crock, eh? They need a lesson in customer service. Not sure I will be ordering from them again anytime soon. I have never had anything but good customer service from Victoria's Secret, and that is saying something because I have their gold card and have had it for probably 6 or 7 years.

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Fresh Out of the Shower HNT

It's Half-Nekkid Thursday again... and since I am just fresh out of the shower, here you go!

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

New Patterns- and Card Class Photos

Originally uploaded by Dazed81.
So tonight I got two skirt patterns. I also have posted pictures from my card class this past Saturday, of the cards and card packet we made.... check my flickr photos.

When I went to Wal-Mart to pick up the patterns, I was soooo overwhelmed by their craft center. They just recently remodeled areas of the supercenter, with new flooring, racks, and moving departments around. It's nice. But the craft section, they just kept clearancing things and never getting more. I was not thrilled. I first thought they were getting new stuff, and then I came to the conclusion that they were downsizing their scrapbooking area and I was upset. Well, last night proved that I was wrong!

They had new beads, new ribbons (a whole WALL of ribbons!) new fabric embellishments (beads, shiny disks, belt webbing, you name it!) and cool new colors and patterns. The embellishments are unbelievable. I am so excited! They had a whole new scrapbooking section and new name brands and coordinating sets (baby, pets, etc) with albums, stickers, papers, etc. It was absolutely blowing my mind. More cake decorating supplies, a whole section for making your own purses.... I could hardly take it. OVERLOAD! I even took pictures. Check them out in my She's Crafty album on flickr.
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Simplicity will Make it All Better... Simplicity 4595 that is.

Well, ya'll know I am a freak for projects. My house is a treasure trove of crafty crap. Scrapbooking, Beading, basketweaving, sewing, painting (acrylic, craft, watercolor), charcoal and graphite drawing, card making... It's a clusterfuck.

Today I got another project urge. Umm..Yeah. Maybe THAT Is what I need to fight this paranoia and regain control over my life.

I was thinking about skirts, and I was looking at the ADORABLE tiered, crinkle, and below the knee skirts at and some of them were ADORABLE- a $69-79.00 a piece adorable. We are talking $600 to have all the skirts I coveted there. And then. A brilliant Idea. SEW MY OWN. Elastic waists. Pick my own fabric for the tiers. Add my own embellishments. Beads, ruffles, ribbons, rick rack.... my mind was on overload! Whoa! Why didn't I think of that before! I was just telling my mom on Monday that I desperately need to clean my sewing room out and dust off the machine (room hasn't been cleaned since remodeling, and all the plaster and lathe dust fell down into the basement and coated everything. So it would be like killing two (Huge ass albatross) birds with one stone. So I am off to buy the pattern at the mart (Simplicity 4595) and read all about it. Once I clean the craft room I will allow myself to buy fabric and notions for ONE SKIRT. and can you believe how many blog posts and flickr photos are tagged with Simplicity 4595? Oh My God! Thank You Internet for matching up our crafty asses.

Oh and the picture is of a turquoise anklet that I beaded on saturday, while waiting for quilts to dry on the clothesline. There were metal pins all over the mattress, which was my workspace. Don't ask why. it was the cleanest horizontal surface I could find. Wal-Mart beads, pins, wire, and crimp beads, Bead Retreat Spacers, Toggle Clasp, and Starfish Charm. I am thrilled that Beat Retreat has gone "ala carte" in their new catalog. SMART!

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Suckage. Society Style.

Lunch was fabulous today. I ate a bag of kettle korn (the microwave kind, who would have known!) while waiting for my lunchtime. Then I went to the "circle" a.k.a. Soldiers and Sailors Park, and spread my blanket out on the grass in the sun beneath the monument. And I got out my book, Son of a Witch, and I read for 30 minutes in the sun. Ahhh...

It was great. Great. I didn't want to come back. People were mowing their yards and sitting on their porch swings and I thought to myself HOW can these people NOT be at work? How unfair is this? WHY do I have to work all day every day?

And of course, I started thinking.

Lately I have really been having the hippie debate in my head. Some of you know my hippie debate, from such posts as Get Back to Where You Once Belonged, and Just One Giant Saw Away from a Co-op.

Example- We have some friends. I have known them for years. Husband has known them longer. They are the nicest guys, would do anything for you. Always polite and sincere. Lots of fun. Sometimes too much fun. Some people would call them immature. Some would call them slackers. Sometimes even I call them that. They are the guys who would think nothing of quitting their jobs.... just because it's summer. Spending their days mushroom hunting and their nights outside dancing and laughing and cooking out with bonfires and music. There have been moments lately when I get to thinking, and I think.... why is it wrong for someone to not work in the summer? Teachers do it, and it is okay for them. What if I just decided that I would work all winter and then not work in the summer? Of course there is the whole "how would I pay for my car and my house and what about health insurance" thing. And there is the whole "I would have to find a new job every fall because no one would want to hire me back after I kept quitting every summer." but these guys don't CARE! They don't HAVE a car. They probably don't even have health insurance. And sometimes, that makes me insanely jealous.

WHY CAN'T I JUST DO WHAT I WANT instead of ALWAYS doing what is right? Is life really about busting your ass every day to have a car and a house and all these things? Sometimes I just get angry that they are having what appears to be so much fun and I am working. They probably don't HAVE a checking account! They probably don't! I think about the Plow Creek people standing on the corner in front of the courthouse holding their "honk for Peace" signs. And I think- HELL-O! They do WHAT THEY WANT! What would happen to me if I wanted to spend one day a week holding a HONK for PEACE sign? Not that I want to, but I'm just sayin. I would totally be fired. It's not fair. Other people control me!

I really hate that so much of what I do is controlled by what I am SUPPOSED to do. I'm controlled by what is RIGHT to do. I'm controlled by what other people say is right. And the one thing I hate is being controlled by someone else. It's that damn conspiracy theory thing again. Controlled. By society. By the government. By our elders. CONTROLLED by what other people tell us is right. Believing what other people tell us to believe. Only GOING somewhere when you have "vacation time." I mean there is a whole world out there and I can only leave here once a year, and money allowing. SUCKAGE!

I work and work and work and don't have any money. If I am going to work all day every day, and have no money, why the hell don't I just NOT work all day and still have no money. If I am going to have no money, I might as well be enjoying myself! Part of this comes from a person who is in debt, who pays out as much as or more than they make. Part of it is job frustration, from working and working and never getting the recognition or the compensation that you deserve because you are "young." I have found that the only way I have ever been able to move up the ladder is to get a new job. And that SUCKS! It does! Why is that right? Why should I work twice as hard as someone who is 10 years older than me, just so that I can try to advance, and then not get compensated or noticed for it. Why do I have to worry about if I will have groceries?

I need to just buy a cow. Milk it. Make my own cheese. Grow my own veggies. Live off the land. It's like EVERY SINGLE DAY I feel like the whole commune thing makes a little more sense. I feel like being a hermit makes a little more sense. Live on the land, be surrounded with nature, see only the people you want to see, figure out things for yourself, be unaware of when Brangelina's baby is born, or even who the hell Osama Bin Laden is. Why not? Ignorance is bliss, right?

Why wouldn't I want to live a simple life (with the internet of course) where I can make my own decisions, work when I want to, relax when I want to, surround myself with nature and my loved ones... and just be peaceful?

Maybe this will be out of my mind by next week. Probably not, considering I think of it everyday. Hopefully wearing more hippie skirts and beads will help me. Trickery. Fool my mind into feeling free and calm. I need to buy incense.

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Fucking Friendship.

People! I am drowning in friendship emails! STOP SENDING THEM TO ME! No I do not want to "send this back to you" and no I don't need a "friendly fuzzy hug" 15 times a day! STOP! STOP!!! STOP!!!!

Unfortunately, or perhaps Fortunately, no one who sends these damn things probably reads my blog. So they will never stop.

I don't need glitter halo-ed bunny rabbits or teddy bears blinking on my screen to know you are my friend. So PLEASE don't waste my time!

Friends don't send Friends "Friendship" e-mails. It's that simple!
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Rock Bitch

Go see the Rock Bitch. Go On, click on her. She's in the renters box in the sidebar. I met her long long long ago when she rented from Ginger. Worth a visit. And I bet you go back!

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The Yoplait Yogurt Scam and how it is connected to the US Postal Service scam.

What a day! I was super busy at work today, but I had the energy after my day home yesterday, so that was okay. At lunch I ran to the Printers Box (local scrapbook store) and picked up coupons for $2 off admission at the Scrapbook Expo in Villa Park (near Chicago) on May 5th. I also got some things that I didn't need and couldn't afford. Yeah. Damn Shopping Troll that rides around in my purse.

I also ate a chef salad from Sullivan's Foods and some boston creme pie yogurt.

Question. You know the whole yopliat pink lid scam? My mom had breast cancer. I consider breast cancer to be a good cause. I do what I can. But really, is it a good idea for me to mail yoplait all the pink lids that I licked clean so that they can give 10 cents per lid to breast cancer research? Cheap fuckers. Why can't they just give 10 cents for each yogurt sold and give that guy that sorts and counts the "lick-ed lids" a better job? WTF? Does anyone else ponder why I have to spend 40 cents however much stamps cost these days to send a lid to Yoplait so they can give 10 cents for breast cancer? Why don't I just give my 40 cents to breast cancer and be DONE with it? WTF? Who thought up this hair-brained campaign? It just about drives me to drink. I can't eat yogurt without having this anguishing conversation with myself! It makes me want to write a letter. Yoplait, you cheap bastards, just give the cash to breast cancer and I can lick those lids without worrying that I am giving some guy in your mail opening department a reason to off himself.

And WHY do stamp prices keep going UP UP UP! And why can't they put the actual price on the stamp, so that I know how much it costs. They started just putting "F" on them for a while and now it's some "first class postage" bullshit. Are they trying to hide from us how much the stamps cost now? Do they not want me to get even more pissed off that I pay them to deliver a letter but they still make people drive to the post office to pick up their mail? (It's called the PO Box scam, read here, it happens to me every day) The GOVERNMENT owns out postal service. Why can't they just lower the damn gas prices so that we don't have to raise our stamp prices every year? What happened to the good old 25 cent stamp of the 1980's? Or the 10 cent pony express? I think all mail carriers should have to ride horses now. Bring the cost of stamps back down. Or hey, why don't we just pass all that extra expense onto the naitional defecit... doesn't look like anyone's paying attention to where all that money goes anyways, right? Who cares? Oh no, we'd better raise the price of stamps again! The enxt time I vote in a presedential election will be for the candidate who stands at the podium and says "I will lower gas prices. I will lower the price of stamps." Amen Brother! You have my vote!

In other news.... I promise I haven't been smoking pot and thinking up conspiracy theories all day. I really haven't. I don't DO that. Can you IMAGINE my brain on drugs? Good lord! I don't need drugs to make my brain work overtime. Really. I wish I could find that picture that my mom has, and put it on here. We had a "hat day" when I was in school. It was before they even had the D.A.R.E. Program, so like 1980's, and we had to make hats about "just say no" and I had on a just say no purple t-shirt and a white bucket hat that was all decorated up and I had a frying pan with an egg in it glued to my head. It was great. Classic. God I need to find that pic to show. Paranoia. powerful adversaries such as UFOs, terrorists, the Men in Black, secret societies or demons.

Oh and speaking of, I did finish the DaVinci code Friday night. Wow. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Go Read it now. NOW! And yesterday I started Gregory McGuire's Son of a Witch. Can't wait for Dan Brown's other books to come. Also gog Labyrinth and The Secret Supper from my book club. Not by Dan Brown but marketed in the same genre. My booklist just keeps growing (keep up with me by checking out what I have read recently and what's coming up, on the sidebar.)

Well, everybody have a great Tuesday evening!

UPDATE: DaVinci Code Readers, check out wikidpedia's information on the Priory of Sion. Interesting. Interesting. How is it that we can't get enough of it?

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Monday, April 24, 2006

Sick Today **cough cough**

Today I am sick. **cough cough** home from work. I am not incapacitated in any way besides needing to stay near a potty. And not wanting to deal with that problem while at work. So I really am sick. But not like bedridden.

So I am actually having a pretty productive sick day. But you should know that I can accomplish more on a sick day than most people do on a regular day. I just don't turn off. I can't help it.

I have effectively picked up every room in the house. For real. Unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, everything. I need to make the bed next... but I thought I should pause to blog.

I had a fairly okay weekend. Friday night/Sat morning there was the drunk-fest next door, as you probably read. This made me tired and I skipped my morning ceramic tile class. Then my foot got tangled in the cord of my CHI Ceramic straightening iron, and it fell in the toilet. And it sank. And then it wouldn't work. And it cost $100 and was only like 6 months old. SO I was pissed. Of course I exchanged it for a new one. Now we hope that CHI doesn't open it up to see all the circuits got wet. I probably shouldn't even be blogging about it. If you work for CHI, please pay attention to this Jedi mind trick **You did not read about my CHI Iron.**

I went to my own Stampin Up Workshop and we made a cute card packet. I need to get pics. The show is at about $500+ right now, so I will get some cool free shit.

Sunday I busted some serious ass. I took EVERYTHING off the front porch. All the plants and the wicker Outside and hosed them down. Then cleaned all the windows (and the porch is all windows) and then wiped off the ledges, some of the walls, mopped the floor. Then systematically put everything back. I did take some pictures as proof that I actually DID something that serious. Husband mowed the second half of the yard, and ran the weed eater (does anyone else use the bizarre term "weed-eated" like I do?) and then he helped me get the plastic off all the porch windows, since it isn't winter! Yeah! The old windows are beautiful but they are rotting and they leak air terribly, and they need to be replaced but we want to keep the originality of the house, and windows like that will be EXPENSIVE!

I was exhausted and then I started to not feel good around 7 or 8 last night. but I still got alot done. Watched alot of TV. Last night's family Guy, with Stewie as the gymnast, was hilarious as usual. "Stewie Griffin is about to begin his floor routing, which the judges announce absolutely is NOT gay." It was great. I love when he vaulted into the China cabinet and got a shard of glass in his head and was freaking out "Take it out or don't take it out, Take it out or don't take it out!" Matt did you see it? Is the schedule the same in Canada?

Does anyone here work for Plow and Hearth? I totally have a jedi mind trick for you. **"Please call me because I know you want to replace my two wicker chair cushions that fell apart when I tried to wash them because there were muddy paw prints on them. I cherish them and they were barely a year old when I destroyed them in the washer. What was I thinking. Please replace them?"**

Well, I really have to go- but I will definately blog later!

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Hmmmm.... they don't LOOK 21.....

Tonight is obviously the night for drunkenness. I of course, am completely sober, sitting indian style, on my bed, in the dark, in my nightie.

The neighbors, on the other hand- are not. sober. sitting. or in their nighties.

There appears to be some **ahem** underage drinking going on in the neighborhood tonight. This was first brought to my attention as I was peeing in the darkness of my bathroom, and Hadley, the intuitive dog, began barking on the front porch as though there was a need to rip off the head of someone or something in near proximity. First I yelled at him to hush, but then I realized that this was an unusual occurance- UNLESS someone was outside.

So when I got to the front porch, in the dark, I could see a man hiding behind the tree in my front yard. The first thing I did was yell (and I can have a hard ass menacing voice if I so choose) "HEY! What are you doing in my yard." and the man froze in a position that I can only **assume** he thought rendered me blind and himself invisible. um. no. not so -- oh innebriated one. So again, I asked what he was doing in my yard, to which there was no reply, so I let the dogs out after him. (on their tie outs, not loose) and when Hadley tore off across the yard right after him, barking the "When I get you I will rip your leg off" low growly bark, the kid apparently decided that It was time to flee, except... um yeah, he couldn't run because he was basically too drunk to stand.

So once he "almost" fell twice, and got out of reach of the dogs... he said "I'm sorry I am lost and I am just trying to find my way home. I don't mean any harm and I don't want to cause any problems" and I could tell by his voice that he was slurring drunk, and was young, and was sincerely freaked out. I said "where do you live" and he said "Princeton" and I said "how did you get here" and he said "I have friends here" and I said "where are they" and he said "I don't know!" and he couldn't even remember their names. He said (while frantically dialing on his cell phone) "I am trying to call my friend to give me a ride home." and he walked down the sidewalk one house and leaned against another tree. I could hear his every word (spoken in what a drunk is SURE is a whisper, but is really a yell) and he was like "I can't find you! I yam shumewherein Wyanet! I don't know whereIyam!" and the response- my neighbors door opens and out pours a group of people yelling his name and he says (from 1 house down- obviously plastered) "I can hear you but I can't SHYEE YOU" to which they respond by flickering the porch light until he *magically* gets his bearings and runs like there's no tomorrow towards their house, cigarette in hand. Ah the endearing rescue.

Then 10 minutes later, all the kids are outside. Then they are in the road. Now keep in mind that is a county highway, frequented by travelers, and dark because there is only one streetlight on the entire block. So the drunk kids are standing in the road screaming at each other. Very Safe. And not the least bit annoying.

Drunken underage boy #1: Fuck You Man! I love that girl!!!

Drunken underage boy #2: Fuck YOU man! That isn't about to happen! I won't let you do that to her!

Drunken underage boy #1: FUCK YOU!

Drunken underage boy #2: FUCK YOU!!!

etc etc.

Drunken underage boy #1 shoves Drunken underage boy #2: Don't fucking Touch me man! That's Not Cool!

Drunken underage boy #2: Fuck You Man! Get away from me!

I am like. Seriously. Kids. Get a grip. You are about to get the cops called on the only nice, unnosy, unbitchy, laid back neighbors I have. Whose (older) son I am friends with. I do not approve of your activities or their appeared approval of said activites but GROW THE FUCK UP!

So I, in my best bad ass tone, go to my bathroom window, which is right next to my bedroom window, which are both wide open and approximately 50 feet from their drunken screaming asses, and let out the biggest bitch ass yell I can. That shuts them up for about 10 seconds. Then I say "HEY! I AM FUCKING SICK OF YOUR SHIT SO GET YOUR DRUNK ASSES OUT OF THE STREET AND IN THE HOUSE BEFORE I HAVE TO CALL (neighbor man/party chaperone) TO COME OUT HERE AND KICK YOUR ASSES!!!" Speaking their language always seems to scare the shit out of, or INTO them. Whatever it takes.

One 1/2 soberish underage kid comes running out of the house and drags 3 other drunk underage kids back into the house with the words "get your asses in the house! You are going to get the cops called out here!"

And then silence. For about 10 minutes. Then arguing can be heard through their windows. Then JUST when I think they have GOT to be about to fall over drunk and pass out, and I think to myself, chaperones can't be so bad, right? Keeping the kids safely at their house while they are drinking... and all that jazz. No need to worry. Cops don't need to be involved. At least they are safe.

THEN the drunken underage kids come outside.... pile into one car, and drive away.

Um yeah, not so happy about that.

And them 20 minutes later, after what was apparently a trip to take drunken underage boy from behind the tree to Princeton, the car comes back, and boyfriend and girlfriend pile out and exchange a few heated comments that I think might start the whole scenario over again except that they go inside. Is it over? Only time will tell.

How did kids GET so stupid? this right after husband and I were taking a walk by Bureau Creek today after a picnic, and saw some kids who looked all of 17, spreay painting "white power" shit all over a bridge. We stood there for about 10 minutes watching them. They didn't see us or hear us. The rattling of the spray paint cans was obviously too enthralling. Then one of them spots us, and they all quick sneak off to the other side of the bridge, where they lose their paint cans, and come back looking all like nothing happened. about 4 punk ass skinny white trash kids, looking like they need their asses kicked. Which they do. Not as much for spray painting in a public area, in broad daylight, but for WHAT they were painting. Karma baby. It will all come back on them. That kind of attitude sickens me.

So with summer comes a swath of underage illegal activity. And now I know why the cops around here sweat kids so hard in the summer. Because dumb asses like that give them all a bad name.

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Friday, April 21, 2006

Household Emergency

Um yeah. So today isn't over yet, but even though it really wasn't too bad of a day, I am getting the impression that it kinda sucked for a Friday.

First and foremost I (we, as in the establishment) are flat out B.R.O.K.E. which royally sucks ass. With a recent need to pay such things as car insurance, new tires, cable TV & Internet, cellular phones, power bills, home phone bills, health insurance premiums, doctor bill payments, water and trash bills, and 1 tank of gasoline at approximately $2.94 per gallon, we the establishment have declared an astounding and immediate state of financial emergency, and soon a housewide hunger emergency as we are in desperate need of groceries, and also the essentials, i.e. water, bread, milk, lunchmeat, tuna fish, salad, and low carb wraps. We are currently surviving on canned vegetables and jello, supplemented by Reeses Peanut Butter Eggs from Easter, which we have just run out of.

Please send money. Or in lieu of money, vegetables, non-perishable food items, and toilet paper.
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Thursday, April 20, 2006


I'm a little late this week, but it is still HNT for 12 more minutes! Happy HNT!

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Life's a Picnic...

Today at lunch CB and I had a Fab picnic. I brought my Longaberger Picnic basket and my striped picnic blanket. We went to Zearing and spread out in the grass in the sunshine, took off our shoes. It was great. CB made some kick ass Egg salad, which I had on a pita (south beach) and there was massive food to be had. CB Also brought String Cheese (who can resist string cheese!) and I brought sugar free jello and broccoli and cauliflower salad and fresh fruit salad. It was a wonderful time. It is so hard to accomplish a picnic like that, even with all our preparation, in a 30 minute alloted time. We could have easily been there an hour and not even realized it, thank god CB wears a watch. The park smelled like fresh cut grass and it was SO nice outside. We are thinking our picnics will have to become a ritual. I am all for that! I can already tell that the Longaberger picnic basket was an awesome purchase... and it retires the end of April. I use it for potlucks, picnics, reunions, parties.... you name it. And when I have kids, (as I was telling CB today) I anticipate that we will have lots more picnics. I was recalling over lunch how many times I went on picnics with my family, and how much fun it was to eat outside on the picnic table as a kid. Enjoy your day!
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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Hanger Crisis #249

I am in the midst of a "hanger crisis." This is not the first hanger crisis at our house, and it will probably not be the last.

This happens to me a few times a year. You know, the moment when I miraculously start to get caught up with laundry and everything is clean? The moment that I realize that there are not enough hangers to hold all of our clothes? The one where that pile of clothes in the bottom of the closet has been picked up and all the hampers and laundry sorters are empty and when you have made the effort to stop living out of clothes baskets and start leading the good life, where you begin each day taking your clothes out of the closet instead of out of the laundry room/clothes basket/chair in the corner of your bedroom?

Argh. And the hanger crisis is only matched by the realization that your closet and dresser WILL NOT HOLD all the clothes once they are clean. Shit. This is what happens when you decide that instead of washing clothes, you would be better off buying new ones. you know, out of socks, where have they all gone? Buy a new package? You can buy more hangers but you really aren't probably going to get more closet space. Crap. Shit. Now what? do I drop everything and run to Wal-Mart to buy hangers? Do I start tearing through my closets eliminating clothing? Do I give up and stop doing laundry now because there are no hangers to hang the clean clothes on?

I have done the scour and search three times. Under the bed, behind the clothes and on the closet floors... In the laundry room, behind the couch, in the trunk of my car (kidding kidding) and there are seriously NO MORE HANGERS! And let me tell you, I have more hangers than most small villages. I have hangers EVERYWHERE and I have used them all. Hangers plague me at every turn on any given day. I step on them, I slide on them, My clothes are tangled in them, they get caught in the vacuum, they are hanging on every hook and cranny... They piss me off on a regular basis, just lying around looking at me. They get stuck on the dog's ASS for god's sakes... and when I need them for REAL hanger duty... I run out of them?

Oh the irony. Please send Hangers. Soon.

Also of note this evening:
Housekeeping Myth #143 ** The crisper keeps things fresh. forever.** Not true. I can smell it.
The christmas decorations aren't put away yet and it is the end of APRIL. Get it with it!
50 free Pampered Chef catalogs to anyone who will drive here to pick them up.

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I wish it were Friday. Badly. At work I am starting to feel more like a slave to the establishment than an employee with valid thoughts and opinions. Everyone needs a vacation, so everyone is on edge, so everyone is cranky. I don’t want to be cranky. I am trying not to be.

This time of year gets me in a “Spring cleaning” mode. Last night husband and I cleaned out the garage (eeww) and it needed it badly because it was still a semi-disaster from the remodeling. Also it seems that you could operate a small farming operation out of our garage, because through the year we accumulate all this crap that we used once and instead of finding it’s way back out to the farm, it resides in our garage. So we worked diligently to put out crap that we didn’t need to the curb for clean up days, and the rest organized or back to it’s place on the farm. Now we should ALMOST be able to fit two cars and a mower in there, were over the winter we were damn lucky to even get my car in the garage, it was such a disaster. Drywall, drywall compound, paint, stain, power tools, wood trim, metal flashing…. It was like Menards in there. Not anymore.

We got the canopy for the swing and the swing cushion down from the top of the garage, and also put together the round patio table and got the patio chairs and the garden hoses situated for the year. We put out some of the yard ornaments. I can’t believe that are Hostas are already all the way up. Most people’s around here are only up a few inches and ours are completely unfurled. I tell you, it’s the mushroom compost that we use on all our flowers and vegetables. One year we had pumpkins that had the whole county talking. For real. I miss not having a garden. But we don’t have room for it anymore since we got the second driveway.

The lilac tree is just blooming now, and the clematis is greening up nicely, I bet it will be beautiful this year. This is year three, and you know what they say (sleep, creep, LEAP!) so this year should be the leap year. It should be the creep year for the vining contraption that I am trying to get going on the front trellis, I can’t remember but I THINK it’s a trumpet vine. I don’t even remember what I bought…. But I do remember buying a honeysuckle at Wal-mart one year and getting it home to plant it, and looking it up on the internet on garden web, only to discover that it is illegal to plant, sell, or distribute in the state of Illinois because it is classified as an invasive. When I tried to contact wal-mart they didn’t know what I was talking about OR give a rats ass. I ended up spraying a $15 plant with round-up and killing it completely, then burning it, so that it wouldn’t spread. I was afraid to take it back to the mart because I knew they would just sell it to someone less suspecting.

I need to get the blue ball (no it isn’t a gazing ball, I dislike those) outside and the blue bird bath. And we need to “re-mulch.” And the pond needs to be put back in since it came up from the ground with a freezing and thawing spell. Ick.

Last night I did get 6 loads of laundry done, and two more this morning. I also watched 3 episodes of The Girls Next Door and ate supper, and read a chunk of the DaVinci code. It was a pretty productive night. I didn’t go to sleep until around 12:30 or 1am.

At lunch today I had a Subway wrap, same as supper last night, and same as supper tonight. Fabulous variety, eh? Tasty though. I also went for a walk with CB at lunch, which was nice. We found a brick sidewalk in town. We knew we had brick streets, but I didn’t know there were still brick sidewalks. They are sooo cute. Probably not great for bike riding or roller skating, but otherwise quaint. We generally scrutinize and lavish praise upon people’s houses and yards. My walk always reminds me to buy another bag of Scott’s turf builder so that I can fertilize the yard this year. I only had ¼ of a bag left from last year, and I found it when we cleaned the garage.

Yesterday I sat on the Soldier’s and Sailors Monument on the circle, across from the courthouse, spread my skirt out around my legs and took off my sandals. I enjoyed the sun and read a couple of DaVinci code chapters. Ate a McDonald’s Fruit and Yogurt Parfait. Yum. I would do that Every day if I could. But I need to be walking, so I will continue to walk during lunch.

Since my workplace (which will remain nameless in the name of confidentiality, and so they don’t fire me) has banned capri pants this spring as an “unprofessional” piece of attire. We were able to wear them in years past, and they were a staple of my summer wardrobe. Now I am saddened. And I have no clothes to wear. And a closet full of khaki and other patterned capri pants that I can’t wear and I sunk good money on, from places like CJ Banks and Four Seasons. It’s a crying shame. It gets me angry just thinking about it. Now tell me, we can’t wear jeans, and we can’t wear shorts, and who wants to wear dress pants in the middle of the summer? So luckily I got into skirts last summer, and I bought 2 in Vancouver from a cute little shop on granville island. Expensive skirts, we are talking $65-75 CAD a piece (think $50 USD each) but they were authentic crinkle skirts and the two beautiful ladies at the shop taught me how to “have my strong husband” help me tie the skirts in knots after hanging them dry, to preserve the crinkles. And that is what I do. And with the bohemian look (MY look) finally popular, I am able to wear all my skirts and purchase many more. Last night I filled the drying rack with crinkle skirts. I had 6 drying, one already dry, and two more that are ruffled (no crinkles) in the wash last night. Skirt-a-holic. So most people probably think I am morman or whatever church requires ladies to wear skirts once they “join” (no offense mormans) but hopefully the funky accessories, cute sandals, and dangly earrings will be giving me away as just an ultra cool chick who can’t wear capri pants or shorts to work.

So if you see any cool skirts, send the details my way. I bought two really kitschy ones at Wal-Mart a week or two ago, and I wore one yesterday and am wearing another one today. I really only wear skirts now. It’s too nice to wear pants to work. Too winterish and too depressing.

It’s hard enough that I am DYING to be a SAHM but I don’t even have kids… It makes me all sad that I have to go to WORK all day when I could be home doing laundry and dishes and crafty things and organizing the attic and basement and cleaning cleaning cleaning and gardening gardening gardening.

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Monday, April 17, 2006


Okay. Guilty. Here I go confessing another sin. First it's "un-shopping" and now this.

I am really starting to suck. At reading other people's blogs.

For a while now, I have my little blogroll. People that I read daily. Really Daily. Or sometimes even more than once a day. But in the past few weeks, okay, maybe month... I have been lucky to get to those people once a week. I did a little weeding, removing some from my blogroll, because even though I liked them, I haven't been able to read them for a month or two. Those who have stuck.... ummm.... I mostly want to read. Some of them don't post often. Some of them have the occasional good post, and the occasional not so good post. We all do. Although there are some who have more not good posts than good posts.

Then there are the Kristen's that have good posts practically every day but she has so many commenters and has become blogher famous, that I feel like it's pointless for me to even comment anymore. Like "what does she care if I liked her post, 39 other people already said that, and it's pointless for me to chime in." and I start to feel like this outsider.

I also feel like an outsider on the mommy blogs, because I don't have kids or I am not selling t-shirts for some good cause. I am a broke-ass bitch people. I am, at this moment, my own good cause. If I sell a t-shirt (which is never) I will totally keep the $1 profit for myself, so I can get my sorry ass out of debt. Selfish I know.

I am recently guilty of being detached. Guilty of being selfish. Guilty of not having time or not making time to read all the blogs out there that need to be read. Guilty. I post what I want, then I go back to my regularly scheduled life. Has the novelty of the blog community worn off? Have I realized that people will be your blog pal long enough to get ideas and comradarie and then move upward and outward and onward? I have people that I really do like to read and who I feel a connection with. For some reason, I feel like I click with C-8 at Snozberries. I click with Tina in Prague and In certain ways, I click with Christie at I Miei Pensieri. I always
click with Matt and I click with Nello even though she doesn't really know it. I used to click really well with Izzy but she is in with the mommy blogger crowd where I don't belong, and I feel her going a different direction in her posts, so I kinda feel like we don't click as much anymore.

In my real life, I should tell you that I am a complex mixture of people person and loner. I like to be alone. I like to read a book or watch TV or be at home with my dogs. I like to go on walk's alone. I will stop to talk to people, but I don't like to walk two dogs with people babbling in my ear the whole time. I prefer to have the iPod. I prefer to walk with husband. We tend to just walk, and only talk when we want to. It's nice. I like to walk with other people occasionally. It's not a big deal. But I sometimes just want to be alone. I don't even always like to be with my husband, because I like to be alone. I like to eat lunch alone (some of the time) and I like to eat dinner alone (some of the time.) Sometimes being alone is like my ONE break from PEoPLE!

I don't mind being alone. I don't. I know that sounds crazy maybe, but I am not afraid of doing something with just me. My thoughts are enough for 50 people to think about. I just like to be able to do what I want without having to be polite or considerate all the time. Not that I am anyway, but you know what I mean. So sometimes I just want to be alone. I am sure prison would suck, because I would never be alone, what with the roomate and all that jazz.

I like people. I like to go out with a group of friends, I like to go out to eat, I like to road trip on occasion (although I am always the sober driver and we are all of age.) and I like to sit at Brad and Anya's House or in their garage or on the patio and smoke cigarettes with Josh and Lisa. But there are times that I just want to be alone. Really. I am sure that to some people I seem hot and cold. I don't want people to be offended, but I like to be alone sometimes. I prefer to work alone in some circumstances and I prefer to be left alone some days. Other days I want to chatter and laugh. So if you are ever curious, just flat out ask me. "Do you want to hang out today" and I will flat out tell you.
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Check out Bitchet (I'm pimpin her this week, she's my new tenant.) She's "not your average housewive." And she seems... oddly, like me. The sarcasm, the sexual energy, the total package. Beware boys (and girls), you might just fall in love. Just what you need eh? Another chick like me. Well, don't say I didn't warn ya. Go visit her! Clicky clicky.... over on the sidebar...

Her self description: Sarcastic. Witty. Observant. Funny. 90% Exaggerated. 100% Bitchy!

I Can Be Your Naughty Librarian.

Happy Monday.

I have thought of lots of stuff over the weekend to blog, but I have been too lazy to blog. I was almost blogging at 1am today, but I decided against it, as sleep was probably a better option.

First, I want to point out that I am on a book reading rampage. I read very quickly, I always have. When I was younger, mom would take us to the library in the summer every week or two weeks. Most kids got one book. I got a huge stack. I would easily read 4 or 5 books in a 2 week time. When I was junior high age and older I really read a lot. The librarian would (at first) tell me that I had to put some back because I had chosen too many and that they had to be back in 2 weeks. But my mom would vouch and tell the librarian that I would easily read that many books in two weeks. And after that the librarians got used to me and didn't say anything. It is not unusual for me to start and finish a 2+" thick hardback book in 3-4 hours. Last week I read three seperate books in one sitting each. I love to read. I would kill to lay outside in the grass or on the hammock or in the swing, and read a book. Buying that swing last year for the yard was a fabulous idea. I spent many nights lying in the wing. It folds flat like a futon and I would grab a blanket and pillow and sneak out there just before dark. I would even wear a little nightie so I could feel the summer air and just curl up with the dogs and a book. Sometimes when it would get dark I would put down the book and fall asleep, until the dew set in and I woke up, or I would take a flashlight or book light out so I could read after dark. That's totally my style. Some of my best and favorite purchases have been books. I love bookstores. I love to curl up with a book, wearing just a sheet or an afghan... and I can wear my glasses or not, because my glasses are more a fashion statement than a necessity when reading.

So now it's naughty librarian time... Let's talk about boobs ... er... books.

I found two authors that I adore, who I have never read before. One being Sophie Kinsella. Wow. I read Undomestic Goddess in 3.5 hours on Thursday. It was kick ass. And for the entire 3.5 hours I was in the bathtub. And it was grand. Whenever I get into the tub with a new book, I might not come out for an hour or two. But with this book, it was so good I didn't even realize the water was cold, or that I was a prune. Or that I was still reading in the bathtub, until I was at the final 1/4 inch of the book and I was like "Huh? I read an entire book in the bathtub? What TIME is it?!" I read Vickie Lewis Thompson's Talk Nerdy To Me in 4 hours on Wednesday. I had to stop to eat. And I take bathroom breaks. Now that I know that Sophie and Vickie are so cool, I will have to grab up all their other books to read shortly. I consider them women's books.... independent women who of course fall in love- but instead of losing their independence, they find a whole new kind. The books aren't in the romance category, in the harlequin sense, I would call them more or less chick-lit. And there is a hot guy (or two) and steamy sex in each book which makes it all the better. Sophie Kinsella has put a new fantasy/fetish in my mind. Who would have thought? Rolling in raspberries? I mean I am all for outdoors but never really thought of the garden. I NEED to live in the country again. LOL!

Saturday I started Nicholas Evan's The Divide but I am already bored and not even halfway through it. I loved the Horse Whisperer. And the Smoke Jumper. And the Loop. I don't know if I never noticed it before, or if this book is just exceptionally full of it.... but he is WAYYY too descriptive. I mean like each words has 50 gazillion adjectives preceding it and it is just too much. It's so wordy that I can't hardly stand to muddle through it. It makes each sentence about three pages long. Or at least it seems like it. And I have already found myself not giving a rats ass about the characters. I don't sympathize with them. He describes their flaws to the point that I don't find them real and endearing, but annoying. The people already have me pissed off. So honestly I had to put it down. I have other good books waiting to be read, no sense forcing myself to muddle through this one. I am curious to see what others thought... I should check amazon- (one moment please...) oh it seems like there are some 4 star reviews, and then some 3 star reviews that say they didn't even know what the story was about until 3/4 of the way through the book. They said they are glad they stuck with it. others say they are disappointed in this book as opposed to his other three. Hmmm... Maybe I will pick it up again at a later date.

Last night I started Dan Brown's The DaVinci Code. Oh Wow. This book Kicks ass already and I am only on like chapter 6. I love everything about it. Everything. My brain is like so wired and churning through every detail. I am totally thrilled about this book. I held off for a long time because sometimes when a book is all the rage, I hesitate. I don't like to be considered so mainstream, and don't want to read it just because it's a best seller. But the DaVinci Code, totally worth the hype. Already. I can't wait. I am carrying it around with me on the off chance that I get a quiet moment where I can sprawl out on the grass or in a chair and have a read.

Saturday, husband took me to the mall. I got my wedding band cleaned, a new cover for my cell phone (so we can tell ours apart) and some hair clips since my hair is longer every minute, touching my shoulders already. And we went to Waldenbooks. And I picked out a new bookmark, called a book thong. It's pink and girly and beaded and sexy. And it says "Me" on it, which is what Evan calls me. "Me" or "Wifey." AND I got the most KICK ASS Alex Ross book, Mythology- The DC Comics Art of Alex Ross. So I know that not everyone knows who Alex Ross it, but you should. He has GOT to be the best comic artist ever. His Wonder Woman gives me shivers and his Superman and Batman could make any girl's knees weak. When he draws justice league, just WOW. Everything is so REAL that it could be a picture. It's amazing. The way he can draw muscles, and facial contours, and the shading and draping of fabric... I can't even begin to tell you how cool this book is. I kept meaning to take pics to blog with, but just trust me on this. Wow what a book.

Oh, and if the itch I have given you is one of the reading nature, I can help. I am a member of doubleday, and all the books I mentioned above are books I got from Doubleday. And I love that when you join you get like 6 books, all hardback, and it ended up costing me less than $20, including the shipping and handling. Totally worth it. And they always have buy one get one or other great sales. If you join through me, we both get free books. So it you are ready to settle down with a few good books, please let me know, I would love to refer you!

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Friday, April 14, 2006

WP-Flickr (I know you don't know what that is so read on.)

Today I found something really cool. I wanted to try it but when I read the comments of people who were "trying it" and saw how they were getting bugs, it pretty much gave me a headache before I even downloaded it, so I was like.... um. no. thanks. I don't need a headache before a weekend and holiday. I can do without a strip of cool thumbnails from my flickr photos that match the tag that I choose. Really. I can. At least until Monday. Details Here. Visual Here. Do I NEED one more cool toy/plugin/extension? Need. I mean NEED? Probably not. Until Monday.
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Soul Blessings.

Please go see Tara from Michigan over at Soul Blessings. (go click on her in the renter box!) She has been here all week as my renter and I have been a terrible hostess, I forgot to plug her site when she showed up. So be sure to go visit her today... because you have to help me make up for my mistake. Sorry Tara!

Memeber Me?

Stolen from Tommy Gun...

The Rules:
1. You can only say YES or NO!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!

Taken a picture naked? : yes
Made out with a member of the same sex? : **Cough** No.
Danced in front of your mirror? : YES
Told a lie? : yes
Gotten in a car with people you just met?: yes
Been in a fist fight? : Yes
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? : No?
Been arrested? : No
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? : yes
Seen someone die? : No
Kissed a picture? : yes
Slept in until 3? : yes
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? : yes
Played dress up? : yes
Fallen asleep at workl? : No
Had sex at work? : No
Felt an earthquake? : Yes
Touched a snake? : yes
Ran a red light? : yes
Been in a car accident? : yes
Pole danced? : yes
Been lost? : yes
Sang karaoke? : No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? : yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? : No
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? : yes
Kissed in the rain? : yes
Sang in the shower? : yes
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? : no
Sat on a roof top? : No
Played chicken? : No
Raised chickens? : No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? : yes
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? : Yes
Broken a bone? : yes
Mooned/flashed someone? : yes
Forgotten someone's name? : yes
Slept naked? : yes
Blacked out from drinking? : No
Played a prank on someone? : yes
Felt like killing someone? : yes
Made a parent cry? : yes
Cried over someone? : yes
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? : No?
Had/Have a dog? : yes
Been in a band? : yes
Drank 25 sodas in a day? : No
Shot a gun? : yes

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Thursday, April 13, 2006

I know you do it too.... and if you don't I know you WANT to!

It was a few years ago that I had a big revelation. and then I realized that it would never happen. And Now, I confess.

I am an "unshopper." Admitting the problem is the first step. And I don't mean that I don't like to shop... oh contraire monfraire. I LOVE to shop. Online preferrably but I can be in the Mart for hours. I am an unshopper because if I like it, and can't make up my mind, it is more likely that I will put it in my cart... because I can always DITCH IT LATER! Yes, I am confessing to an evil sin. As I go through the store, I take things OUT of my cart. Either because I have changed my mind, felt guilty, run out of cash, or found something better. Oh Yes. Guys, Have you ever found a sexy lacy 36DD Bra in the condom aisle? Did it's unexpected appearance get you a little cramped for space in the zipper area? Umm... yeah. That was me. Or maybe you just can't buy condoms without getting a hard on. Seen a bag of frozen burritos in the ice cream freeezer? Yeah. That was me too. Tampons in the box with your new steel toed boots? Ha ha. I knew that one would freak you out. Just kidding.

I unshop. On any give shopping trip, it is guaranteed that you would see me reach the register with 1-10 items less than what I put in my cart. Check my purse, they aren't in there. I am not stealing.... I am unshopping. Strategically going down aisles that are empty and sneaking around corners so that I can ditch the goods without having a smocked store employee burn me an angry look when I unload my hardlines in the softlines department and make their shelf-stocking lives miserable. Do I feel guilty? I used to. But that was BEFORE the idea.

You see, wouldn't it be GENIOUS for stores to place a large bin of sorts near the checkouts.... where you could put things that you had changed your mind about? Like with a big sign "changed your mind?" with a giant arrow pointing into it. How kick ass would that be? A guilt free way to unshop!

But NOOOOO they won't do that! Because there are moral, whiny, scaredy cats out there who won't unshop because they fear repercussions, and therefore the marts know that once something gets into their carts, it won't come out. It's an EVIL PLOY! And what does that equal folks?? PROFITS! Cold hard CASH! And because they pay the shelf stockers minimum wage with no benefits, they can afford to make emplyess run around after "unshoppers" like me, brave enough to unload their garlic stuffed olives in the toilet paper aisle.

BRAVERY! that's what we are talking about here folks!

So ever since I had the "idea" and realized that we are denied the ability to unshop without guilt, just so that we can be pressured into BUY BUY BUYING.... I feel guilty no more. Now unshopping has become a sport. Just how strange and unusual can I GET with the relocation of store items? Hemroid Cream by the refried beans? Pregnancy Tests next to Margarita Mix? Oh yes. YES!

And another bad habit I am about to admit to. Oh boy. Just spilling the beans. I could totally go to jail here folks.

Ladies. Ever gone to buy a pair of pajamas and you grab a matching set off the rack and get in the dressing room and you have a top that is WAYY smaller than the bottoms? WTF? What BITCH would do this? Um. Yeah. Me. **cough cough** that was me. I totally wear a size bigger on top than on the bottom, sometimes two sizes. It's these damn breasts. I can't help it. It's the way I am. What clothing manufacturer thought that just because we are one size on top, we are the same size on the bottom? So I am totally the chick who takes two sizes into the dressing room, rearranges the sets so that there is a bigger top than a bottom, and then buys them and takes them home, leaving some poor unsuspecting individual to have a mismatched set in the future. And if you have ever looked at a bag of underwear (like a 3 pack) and there are two of one ugly ass pattern? Um. Me. Totally Me. If there is something ugly, I am not above rearranging the package contents so that the pretty ones are all in one package. Why can't I pick out my own damn drawers? Am I so stupid that I need you to prepackage them with an assortment that includes an ugly ass teal paisley pair of undies? Nope. Send those to Big Lots folks... I want the good shit. A bad day at the factory and a poor executive decision at Hanes is NOT my problem. Don't try to force my ass to be ugly!
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Small Town Bullshit, Dog Update, Easter, and Lunch.

It is HOT outside! Holy cow! it's 84 today! I took a late lunch today and walked a great big rectangle around town. It took me 30 minutes. I put the iPod on and just took off. I have on a black t-shirt so my back was getting damp before I was halfway through. I was keeping up a pretty good pace, on account of the fast music. I saw lots of good looking guys with their shirts off, working on roofs and siding and windows and landscaping. Totally worth the walk. It left me a little tired. Hopefully it helps with the damn spaghetti pizza and garlic bread that I should NOT have ate last night, and reheated today at lunch. Oh it was so tasty, but it made me feel icky full, and it also made me retain water. Seriously. Today my hands are swollen and they hurt, and my wedding ring is tight and digging into my finger, and my belly feels all expanded. South beach is definately good for you. Those carbs are a killer. So tonight instead of Tacos, I will have to eat something good, example salad. I bet if I weighed myself I would probably have gained 5 more pounds. I hope it goes away tomorrow or I will have to make myself go back to phase 1.

I am excited about easter. Sunday is my great grandma's 108th birthday. Of course she's dead, but we can still think about her. So we are having a picnic and some fishing on Saturday for Easter, and on Sunday I assume that husband's family will have something, although no one has called us. But that's the way it always goes. We are last in the loop. Always. No one ever bothers to call and invite us to anything. I am figuring they are hoping that we (or at least I) can't come then.

The dog. Ugh. I had to turn him lose at 2am. I know I know, I didn't WANT to do it. I wanted to help him and find his family but there is only so much one person can do. At about 1:30 I heard him whining and crying again. LOUDLY. Then I heard Hadley, who I had put outside to keep "dog" company, and Hadley did a great big "defending myself" bark followed by some snappy snarls and some whines. When I got outside, Hadley was all cowered by the kennel door in his "save me I didn't deserve this" pose, and the "dog" was looking triumphant to have gotten my attention again. I let Hadley out and when I touched him, his entire head was wet, and his front legs, and his neck, where "dog" had had his jowels on him. I assume it was just playing, but Hadley looked none too pleased. I let "dog" out of the kennel and took off my spare collar. Then I let him go. He went right to the door. I didn't want to let him in, I didn't know how he would react in the house, what he would scratch, chew, piss on, growl at, or destroy, and I was seeing what appeared to be fleas in his coat and that was another thing that I didn't need in the house, or on my dogs. So I took Hadley inside, where he was inspected and sniffed by Boyd, and then he collapsed on his dog bed.

The "dog" was running between the back and front doors, whining and scratching at the metal doors and on the screens. I thought he was going to tear through the screens, but they are metal screens so they are pretty strong. He wanted IN. I even took a dog bed outside so he could lie on it by the front steps. He just sat on our front steps and whined LOUDLY and kept us awake. AND Scratched the door LOUDLY. So I decided to put him on the tie out with the collar on again. Still scratching the door. So I MOVED the tie out (visualize.... me outside in a short little yellow satin nightie, no underwear, no bra, bent over with my ass and "everything" hanging out in the dark, barefoot, trying to step on and pound the tie out back into the ground. Um. Yeah. Didn't see and flashes but hope no one around was awake and watching with a camera.) Then the dog couldn't scratch the door but that made him whine and howl louder. The whole freaking neighborhood was probably cursing me, and it WASN'T EVEN MY DOG! I wanted to help but in exasperation, I let him go. He lay on the bed outside, he paced from door to door, and eventually it was quiet. This morning he was nowhere to be found. I can only hope that his family has found him or he went home.

I feel terrible. Then this morning, when I received a call back from the Bureau County Animal Control Officer, I was informed that he "doesn't come to Wyanet." and if you ask me that's a giant load of bullshit. I AM IN BUREAU COUNTY! 5 minutes from the county seat, and the dog catcher doesn't leave Princeton? It is BUREAU COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL for christ's sakes. That means they should COVER the ENTIRE county! Jeez. Where's my county officials? I need to talk to one about this load of crap. What if it had been a rabid dog instead of a nice one? What if I had kids and we were confined in our house? (wouldn't happen to me, but to a weaker person or someone afraid of dogs, it would.) I bet the damn officers would be lining up to shoot a rabid dog, but you can't find a single one to come take care of a healthy lost one. I hope my dogs never get lost. This dog could have been microchipped but the damn Animal Control wouldn't even come over to see anyway. Can you tell I am pissed? Stupid small town bullshit.

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Click on image for full size view. Go visit the big "O" (and find out why we all get Half-Nekkid) by clicking on the HNT Button

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Meagan the dog lover strikes again...

Tonight at 10:30, when we let the dogs outside, a "stranger" dog wandered into the yard and our dogs started playing with him. He's a malamute/siberian husky of some sort, all white/cream with silvery eyes. (that's not him in the picture but he looks like that) He is super sweet and nice. He doesn't sit on command, but he loved me and came right up to me so I could pet him. He also appeared to have walked on a leash before, and his nails were trimmed up nice.

I racked my brain for someone in town who owns one like him, because he had no collar. I called the local bar and my friend Lisa (who bar tends) asked everyone in there who had a dog like this. No one could come up with anything solid.

I called the Animal Control Office. Closed. Of course. I couldn't just IGNORE him because he was lost, and we live right next to a busy road, and I didn't want him to get hit or to get farther away from his family. So I slipped a spare leash around his neck and we put him in our kennel for a while. I called the County Sheriff dispatcher. She told me to leave a voicemail at Animal Control. I asked her to contact the Wyanet Police Department. She said she would. An hour later, nothing. So I called her back. She wasn't able to get an officer in town, he was already off duty.

So I put a spare collar on him and put him back in our kennel for the night. I gave him water a a few dog treats. I came inside and could hear him whining loud enough to sound like coyotes. Oiy. The neighbors are gonna kill me! After about 20 minutes of whining, it started getting worse instead of better. So I decided to put our younger and bigger dog, Hadley, out in the kennel with him to see if that would make him feel better. Hadley was already asleep on his bed but he willingly got up when I asked him to, and went outside with me to the kennel. Boyd wanted to go, but there are only two houses out there and I feel much more comfy with our bigger dog overnight with a strange dog than putting little Boyd out there. Hopefully this visitor doesn't snap or attack or anything. I would never forgive myself.

So that was about 10 minutes ago and I have only heard one whine since then. He wouldn't go into a dog house, so hopefully as the night goes on he will make himself comfy. And hopefully he won't chew up either of our $140 Pet Zone Houses. I left a message at animal control with lots of details. Tomorrow morning I will call the trading post looking for an owner. I know that most people would think I am crazy and that this is not my problem, but I really hope that if my dogs got lost someone would show them the same care.

It's all about Karma... and if you ask my husband, he will tell you that I can't turn away a dog in need.

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Got Some Cash to Burn?

Yes folks, it's the official "Rip Off Of the Day"

A pillow case on ebay, and the bidding starts at $19.99

Yep. One Pillow Case. I don't care if it IS pottery barn and if it IS a discontinued pattern, when you can buy the whole damn sheet set on ebay for $34, why would you settle for a $19.00 pillowcase? This seller needs their head screwed on straight.... or even worse... the buyer (if there is one) needs a kick in the ass.

Check it out

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Just One Giant Saw away from a Co-op.

Is anyone else really struggling in the mornings these days? When the time first changed, I was fine. But it just seems to be getting worse.

Firstly, one of my goals back in January was to de-stress and dramatically "uncomplicate" my life. I had medical problems and I was just downright sick, and sick of everything on top of being physically sick. So I started the South Beach Diet at the end of February, and I started to get rid of things that I found stressful. Even though some of them were rewarding, and for good causes, I needed a break.

I concentrated on things that were "all about me", which meant that my after work activities went from "cooking/cleaning/laundry/dishes/volunteering/fixing other people's computers" to more relaxing things like "reading/drawing/scrapbooking classes/drinking a glass of wine/playing with the dogs/watching TV/curling up with my husband on the couch."

I have gotten this huge realization that it doesn't always have to be about helping out every person who comes to you with a task. Eventually, word gets around that you are a sucker for a cause, and everyone under the sun needs your help. I get every reason in the book. I am "reliable" or "creative" or "crafty" or I have "the best ideas" or I "know alot of people." I have also realized that although I love my job, my work is not my life and it doesn't define me. Being artistic and crafty and laid back.... those are the things that I want to define me. I can be reliable and knowledgeable at work all the time but that doesn't mean that has to carry over and take over my free time. That's how I got to feeling like I was working all the time.

So with the doctor recommended South Beach Diet, I have lost 14 pounds since the end of February, which is great. It's like a tiny knick in the surface of something that to me feels as large as Mount Rushmore, but it's a knick nonetheless.

And just as of Monday of this week, with the newfound sunshine and longer daylight hours.... that I started to feel like I have found myself again. I mean, I was there all along, it's not like I forgot who I was. but it's like everyone else's problems, and my obligations to those problems, were preventing me from just being myself and doing things that I enjoy.

So anyway.... getting back to the not getting my ass in gear in the morning. I work late. Let's just say I don't get up before 8am. Ever. Period. I usually get up more like 8:30, or 9am at the latest. I haven't really had a whole lot of trouble getting up. But I have had trouble getting myself out the door in my allotted time. I usually give myself 45 minutes to get ready, and 15 minutes to make the 8 minute drive to work, park, cross the parking lot, get up to my office, and clock in. 45 minutes has always been plenty of time. But lately, in the morning, I seem to have so much MORE that I am trying to accomplish. Firstly, I am in desperate need of a hair cut/color. It is long enough now that I can pull the top half back, which is nice, because I like options. But it is just BARELY long enough, so in the morning I curse and struggle with it. Plus needing a cut, it is SUPER thick and so it takes much longer to dry in the morning. So I have a hair struggle.

Secondly... I always want to open up the windows, which only takes a minute.... and I let the dogs out, but now they seem to want to Hang out in the yard in the sunshine and roll in the grass, which I am cool with but I am like Hell-O! Dogs I am on a SCHEDULE here! Can't you see that? and then after I finally get ready, dressed, dogs outside, windows open, lunch grabbed, purse grabbed, keys, pager, cell phone, etc- And I am out the door- I always get behind some jackass or a SERIES of jackasses, like a Jackass Train.

This morning it was anhydrous tanks going 30... but I was car number 3 behind them and there weren't opportunities to pass (or there were but the first guy didn't take it, and I am not too keen on passing three vehicles at once when one is an explosive tank on wheels. Any other time I would definitely pass three vehicles at once.) Yesterday It was a train. The day before it was a tractor... followed by a state truck. JEEZ! And the other problem with going to work that late? The only people on the road are in no hurry because they aren't going ANYWHERE. Those stay-at-home-mom-mini-van-caravans (you know the one- where the kids are hopping around in the back in a way that let's you know they have wrestled out of their seatbelts and are putting their sticky jelly fingers all over everything and each other) and the grandparents off to pick up their prescriptions and a cup of coffee at the Wal-Mart snack bar. Oh and then there is the people that have doctor's and dentist's appointments. argh. I can pretty much spot them from a mile away. Farmers gawking at their fields or at each other. WTF? Get off the gawd damn road!

So I decided this morning that I need to get up earlier so that all of these "distractions" don't ruin my morning and make me late for work. But all of this is cramping my newfound laid back lifestyle. I am trying my best to refuse to let all of these outside influences mess with my fucking plan. But how?

Ideally? Take a giant saw and cut my house/yard into a big island that would only be accessed by boat and only with my permission because THEN I would have made my own island and my own water and I would OWN the water so no one else could cross. Of course that would mean working from home and probably starting my own co-op there so that I could have my own food and all that so I wouldn't need to leave the island unless I wanted to. I mean I would of course still need cable and high speed internet. So really I could rig up one of those tubes like at the bank drive through, that came from the land. Two tubes. One for necessary cable and phone hookups and one for sending things like mail and cheetos back and forth to the mainland. I would totally have parties, beach style, with tiki torches and with music and a bonfire by the water every night. Jack Johnson and Jimmie Buffett would totally break tour to come hang out and play guitar with my husband. I could wear sandals or go barefoot all day and burn my pantyhose. Sarongs and Bikini Tops. Tousled Beach Hair. Suntans and shell anklets, with toe rings and sand between my toes. Ahhhh.... you can totally feel it, eh?

I did see this totally cool book at the book fair last week that was a guide to "living off the land" and I was like "with my ag background and degree, and my green thumb and cooking skills, I could TOTALLY survive. " but I didn't buy the book. I mean sure I would have to go to the mainland for pedicures and Kate Spade Bags.... but besides that.... you make a few connections, you trade and barter, you grab a cow and some chickens, maybe some turkeys.... you got yourself a kick ass co-op.

I could park my car on the mainland in case I needed it, and I could totally make me a homebrew version of the wind turbine for power, and if I got sick of the scenery, I could kick it into high gear and harness the windpower to drive my island somewhere else for a while. This could totally work. I should start drawing up plans immediately. What will we do tonight Brain? Same thing we do every night Pinky, try to saw our house into an island! It could be like a Prison break. I could start digging. Just start digging a little bit every night. No one would notice. Once I get a trench dug around my whole house, I could just start filling it up with the garden hose, rent a giant earth saw, and separate from the mother country. By the time the water bill came, I'd already be my own country and I would have diplomatic immunity and not have to pay for it. Eventually I would put a helipad on the island so Jack and Jimmie could visit whenever they wanted. This could REALLY work out for me.

That's the Plan Stan!

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